I am a pretty average guy. I’m about average height (5’10), have a average looking face, go to the gym regularly but am not genetically gifted (or juicing), am clean and well groomed, dress decently but ain’t a fashionista, have a variety of hobbies in which I am good but not outstanding, have a good circle of friends but am not the life of the party, have a terminal degree and a job that pays accordingly.
But this doesn’t seem to be enough to reach the bar to date in 2023. So what could I do to become more attractive?
47 comments
You lack the swag of a villain.
You go to the gym, but are you lean? What’s your weight rn?
Have six figures income
You can stay off social media, in order to boost your self esteem, by not listening too much to random internet posts selling a narrative of you not being good enough.
You sound like you’re fine as you are. Keep going, and look for someone that resembles you and your values, meaning if you are content being an average guy, you should try looking for an average girl. Remember those girls have the same insecurities as you have.
I’m not coming at you bro, but based on your other posts I don’t think it has anything to do with your career or looks, definitely a personality thing, need all 3 to be in check to be an attractive dating prospect, again not coming at you, you got a good body good income and decent height, that’s how I came to that conclusion
I started dressing and acting like a cross between Jareth the Goblin King and Gomez Addams. It works great on goth girls and is utterly useless in all other situations
That said, if there’s no obvious problem but you’re not getting dates, consider the possibility that people who would be into you aren’t finding you and try going to different places
Youre attractive enough to date in 2023. The problem is more likely the bar you’ve set for others. It may be out of your league—in which case you could probably improve a bit in all areas, and become standout in 1 or 2.
You’re enough man. You’re enough.
Be able to identify and talk about your values, the work you’ve put into yourself, what you’re looking for in life and dating, and some aspects about your hobbies or life that really excite you.
It’s attractive when somebody knows who they are and can confidently broadcast that to the people around them when appropriate. You can continue to look for dates, but you should be looking for dates that fit you, rather than hoping you’re the right fit for someone else.
1. Dress well (Including shoes)
2. Know a lot of subjects/topics to be good at conversation (read a lot, watch a lot, listen a lot)
3. Be funny
4. Workout just enough to feel like you’re fit
5. Smell good
6. Groom your hair & beard
7. Have a hobby/ be truly passionate about something you’re into.
8. Have a personality, show that you’re a catch.
I think your problem sounds like you got low self esteem based on this post and your other post on your acc. Imagine a car salesman tried to sell you a car and he said; Its an alright car, its about normal car height, looks like a normal car, goes from point a to b, its not a super car, i keep it cleaned decently but it certainly isnt the best looking… Dude my only difference from you is im 5’6 and I can say the exact same for everything else you used to describe yourself but I just have a lot of confidence and I know what points about myself to sell. Women like chivalry and women like funny. Its so easy nowadays all you have to do to be “chivalrous” today is open a car door. That right there sets you apart from 99% of men and thats pretty much all I ever do and every single time I go on a date I am told I’m the only person to ever do that or that I’m the only person to take them on a real date and these are all women that me and my friends say are out of my league. Im nothing special its just that all the other guys our age are too scared to talk to these girls and treat them right. Good luck brother and enjoy! (I promise, once you open that car door yo life will change!)
What do you mean that you can’t reach the bar to date? Are you not able to get dates? I’m gonna guess that insecurities or desperation to date are holding you back. There are guys way worse off than you physically and financially that are getting dates so must be something with personality. If you’re going for the 10/10 girls could be that you’re boring and not funny enough
Smile. Makes a BIG difference.
Enjoying what you do, helps a lot.
Helping others – goes a very long way.
Being good at something – basketball, shooting pool, even fishing – counts.
*You’ll be fine.*
What are your standards like? Cause from
What you’re saying you’re a good candidate
Don’t focus on physical attraction. Focus on being a better listener and being a good person. This will get you much farther with women.
Have you read Mark Mansions book models?
I think unfortunately the maths is stacked against men with online dating. Big mismatch between the people who you can match and date and people you want to actually match and date.
Improve his personality. Actually treat women with respect. Learn about feminism. Be proactive and hygienic instead of constantly searching for a replacement mommy. Have interests beyond doing nothing and being taken care of. Laugh freely. Apologize genuinely. Listen and remember what others say. Engage in real discussion, which means both talking *and* listening.
Everyone is saying self esteem is your biggest issue but I gotta ask, how are you viewing and treating the women in your life?
Most women can smell hidden misogyny and incel-like beliefs a mile away… Not making an accusation but definitely saying this is a real possibility of what your issue is my guy.
You claim to be good looking, stylish, fit, rich etc etc. Well then we know what the problem is because there’s only one possible problem left right? Personality. And while yes self esteem is wrapped up in that be careful that any resentments you may carry toward yourself also aren’t directed at women as well.
make a lot of money
Learn how to make women laugh and giggle with a small brush of the arm or shoulder. I understand it’s not that easy, but working on confidence to be natural around women and make them laugh is a win.
If there’s never any chemistry on their side, start looking into what makes women excited. Places like r/ask women are a good start. When you are talking to women and you can pull off those subtle little things that cue them, you will start to build confidence.
But, you need to start by thinking you are someone they are interested in, like it’s a given they would be into you without being arrogant, once you get that confidence you won’t have any trouble.
Gym, money and humor
What you are listing as” Atractive” seems to be zeroing in on external qualities based on atracting lust and interest. Is that your goal? Short term gratification? If not and you’re after something meaningful, to build a relationship, focus on qualities that will help make you a good partner. Even in the short term, you’ll be thankful for the quality of relationships you have.
If you have not already, spend more time working on your heart, mind and soul.
Learn what it takes to become an emotionally mature & involved partner, battle your inner demons, master your ego, start healing those pesky inner wounds and walk with healthy confidence.
Woman of value like those things in addition to the outward qualities you are describing above ♡
Dress well and get a contemporary haircut and have confidence socially
>have a average looking face, go to the gym regularly but am not genetically gifted (or juicing), am clean and well groomed, dress decently but ain’t a fashionista, have a variety of hobbies
Have your friends and acquaintances in real life told you this? Or is this a self assessment? Plenty of people think they’re better than they actually are.
Be a good person. Be dependable. Have empathy for others.
Get rich.
Once you think you’re not attractive then you’re not attractive.
Stop trying to reach “the bar”. Fuck what society thinks. Who’s bar? Set your own damn standards. If you’re too scared or reluctant to cultivate this attitude – nothing else I say will take. You’re a follower. So find some sheep to chase after.
Learn how to relate to other people. Can you hold a conversation? Are you funny? Are you smart? Can you use the strong characteristics you have to be seductive? Seduction is not all about looks and money.
Continue building love and confidence for yourself. If you don’t love you, it really doesn’t matter whether anyone else does.
Develop a healthier relationship with rejection so you’re not constantly rebuilding yourself every time someone tells you no. (A lot of times that no has shit to do with you and everything to do with them, but guys are quick to crumble and destroy any semblance of self esteem they had cause someone told them no.)
Don’t idolize celebrities and popular people who idolize celebrities. Those are some of the fakest fuckers (both the celebrity and the people who idolize them) on rhe planet. It pains me that so many people are seeking the approval and comparing themselves to such trash people.
Find your tribe. There are people who think and operate like you. Find them. Support them and let them support you. (Sounds like you have friends, good.)
You can do what I did and just give up on the whole dating thing. I’m average height and build too but it’s not enough for anything. I’ve accepted that evolution and natural selection is real, even in humans, and Im not the winner.
So I’ve dedicated myself to just making sure I’m a good son/brother/friend/uncle with my time on this Earth. My brother just had a son so the family name is safe without my contribution anyways.
Where do you go to meet women?
The problem seems to be your mindset
Do you have a social circle?
Trust me on this. Watch Alpha M on youtube. Thank me later.
I respect your will to improve yourself – we should all strive for that – but look at it this way: Girls want to be more attractive, because it improves the chance of being approached by a great guy. That’s a passive strategy. As a man, you need to take a more active strategy. “How to BE more attractive?” Wrong question! The correct question is “How to attract more girls”?
You described a lot of things that you ARE, but not so many things you DO. Results come from actions. How many new women do you talk to and flirt with every week? Are you doing things that help you meet new women on a regular basis? Are you talking to them? Are you flirting with them? Are you setting up dates with them?
Listen well. Women tend to do the heavy lifting in conversation statistically speaking.
Be a good conversationalist
You may have nice hobbies, but take interests in others as well if you intend on dating them.
Understand you cannot make people like you or want to date you. There’s very little you can do to be universally attractive so take your L’s gracefully amd live life
Go to the gym. Girls like muscles
have a bunch of $100 bills sticking out of your pants when you go out! works every time
Aww, I would date you. You checked off all, if not most of my boxes. I’m not looking for a unicorn; If I ran into you and you asked me out, I’d be willing to try. Chemistry can also be cultivated. Just cause it’s not snapping and popping from the start doesn’t mean it can’t be built.
Confidence is hot and so is hygiene and fitness
Honestly, you sound like a catch to me! I feel like most women don’t necessarily need a perfect man. For me, what I look for in a guy is someone that shares some hobbies with me (preferably either playing video games, or D&D), and has a personality that would mesh well with mine (and wouldn’t be put off by the weird sounds I make in my sleep lol). Sure, I want a guy who’s attractive to me, but I’m not looking for a 10, or even an 8. What you think is average, though, just might be someone’s amazing and incredible. You just gotta look at the area you’re in, the places you go, or the people you’re trying to date to see if there’s something there that may make you think there’s an issue.
What’s wrong with being average…?
Being interested in someone makes that person interested in you. Let someone know you’re interested in them and then find out more about them if they’re willing to share.
Being average is an advantage! Fewer disappointments, and nothing outlandish!!
Use that in your dating profile.
“Not Superman, but I am Clark Kent”
That’s your whole profile, go for it.
You need to cut harder into fashion or restaurants or SOMETHING. Have an edge. Be mysterious. Look like there’s something deeper to you instead of being just a really decent quality vanilla.
Get a motorcycle, some jewelry or accessories you like, and be part of some kind of scene. Like work with a band or some kind of venue where women go. Get some status.
How are you a winner?
Your prefect the way you are. If you happen to be in Houston I’ll take you on a date.
You need to dress better. Your definition of dressing better was probably putting on a clean shirt and new pair of jeans. That is pathetic and did nothing.
You need to step above and beyond. Women love a sharp dressed man. I was an average dude and barely got any attention as well. Then I dressed up, modified it to my own taste and came up with a completely unique style special to me and now everybody and their mom turn their heads and look whenever I come around..
I get at least 20 compliments a day and at least a photo request. You should do your best to color coordinate and if you don’t like doing your hair, wear a Fedora.. Fedora can be found on Amazon for under 30 and you can find some nice suit pieces to put together at Goodwill.
That’s your main problem. It won’t guarantee you’ll have a successful relationship since that’s another post in itself requiring work in other areas, like your internal world, but if you’re looking for attraction and interest, that should get you there.
However for example, if you do dress good and very sharp but you act like a Mr nice guy, lol.
That’s what I mean by internal work but you’ve got to start somewhere.
99% of men dress absolutely pathetic. Even their best attempts like trendy jeans, white tee, Nike will be better than most but when you stand beside me in that?
You’ll shrink immediately because people will begin pulling out their phones and pointing them at me out of nowhere because of how fascinated they are by the way I put myself together since it’s unlike anything they’ve seen before.
That’s the type of style I’m telling you that you need to do. Sure it may intimidate you to do so but that’s why you’ll need to work on some internal work like confidence and stuff. It’s all a package thing but start somewhere
You can stop being generic, for one. You don’t stand out because you want to blend in. You are quite happy being the “average Joe”, then wonder why no desirable woman wants you.
Even a “plain Jane” wants an extraordinary guy. By your own admission, you’re like basically most other average guy. Plain Jane looks at you and gets bored from way across the room. So when you look over at her, she ignores you, hoping you say nothing to her.
Sound familiar?
Your problem is what you think about yourself. Start with whatever your hobbies are, and what you like to do. Find what you like to do most, and strive to become best at it. Consider developing your self-image to where you feel you are as good as any other man to attract and date the women who attracts you.
If you don’t find yourself attractive, why should anyone else? If you don’t love yourself, why should anyone else? Put yourself in plain Janes pumps for a moment. If you wouldn’t date you, why should she?
You help to dictate what others feel about you by how you feel about yourself. Final word of advice: if you eventually find yourself dating anyone who tells you they don’t deserve you, RUN! It doesn’t matter why they feel that way. It’s a huge red flag.
Just trust me on that.