Im M21 and my girlfriend F20 , she is saying i made her uncomfortable because i couldn’t get erect.
Hey im 21M and my girlfriend 20F,
Its midterms weeks and i have so much work to do and they’re all due this week. Im under a lot of stress and i haven’t gotten more than 4 hours each day, she is aware of my situation and i have to stress on the fact if i don’t get a high gpa i will not continue going to college anymore because i will not be able to afford it. Im constantly stressed overthinking ect. Yesterday me and my girlfriend were messing about and we started doing the deed , i was enjoying it and so was she but i kept stressing about university and it was 6am at the time I had to be out to class at 7:30 am. I couldn’t finish or get fully erect. So i just because annoyed and i told her ima get some sleep while i can but i realized it was too late to get any sleep so i told her if she would like to help me finish which she said yes to but then i asked again to make sure she really wanted too and again and she said she hates me , she said i made her feel worthless she said i made her uncomfortable and called me disgusting And she was crying and telling me she doesn’t want to be sexual with me again and i told her whatever makes you comfortable if that’s her choice ill agree with it. I tried acknowledging how she felt , and i apologized for my behavior she wasn’t responding to me so i asked her if my presence was making her uncomfortable she said yes and i simply left after that. I am really hurt about this and i feel like i dont deserve it and i also feel like i hate and despise myself, i love her so much i just don’t know how to handle this situation. Any advices?
4 comments
You are not to blame. You are a human being with needs and feelings, and you are spreading yourself extremely thin. You are trying your best and giving everything you have, and you need to recognize that even if no one else does.
I don’t know if you’re ready to hear this, but judging from what you’ve written here, your girlfriend does not have your best interests at heart. This sounds like an unhealthy codependent relationship. You need to take care of your own needs first and foremost no matter what, and share your life with people who support you while you do that. You have been wearing yourself to the bone trying to support someone who does not care about your own well-being in return. Take a serious look at your priorities; look at the sacrifices you’re making to things you care about because of your obligation to this relationship, and decide if it’s really worth it.
She felt bad for (in her mind) being rejected and then blamed you and made you feel bad. That’s manipulative behavior and you should have a serious conversation about that.
It’s perfectly normal as a man to sometimes not get an erection, even if you find your partner attractive. Happens to everyone
>she hates me , she said i made her feel worthless she said i made her uncomfortable and called me disgusting
That my friend is what’s known as a giant red flag. She’s shown you how she gets when life doesn’t go her way, and believe me, life rarely goes your way.
I don’t care that she’s 20, that’s old enough to be able to regulate emotions even if you’re still maturing. This woman is so far behind on that, she will likely bring you nothing but strife and rob you of your peace. This kind of thing doesn’t just happen once, it’s a pattern. You need to have a serious conversation with her where you ask her if she feels she should apologize to you for berating you over something that absolutely wasn’t your fault and you handled as best you could. If she doubles down, consider whether this relationship has a future.
None of this is your fault. Focus on your studies so that you can be in the company of higher calibre women in your life after college.
This sounds like she’s inexperienced and has been in just inaccurate feedback loops with her friends and the media. You should tell her take some sex education courses or just tell her that this happens to literally every man. The girl doesn’t matter to the erection if it’s feeling temperamental.