I’m 22F and I’ve been talking to this guy 30M for about 6 weeks. I got into an accident a couple weeks after we started talking and I was essentially housebound so I wasn’t able to meet up. He kept in touch the whole time and was really sweet, constantly offering to help me with groceries or cooking which I was grateful for but didn’t take him up on it because I was super bruised and swollen.
Anyway, I’ve since recovered and we had our first date last week. It went really well, we have amazing chemistry and I haven’t been this attracted to someone in a long time. He ended up inviting me to hangout the next day so I went to his house and we hung out for about 8 hours. We fooled around a bit but didn’t have sex because he said that he wants to wait until I feel totally comfortable and doesn’t want me to feel like that’s all he wants from me.
He then texted me the next day asking me to come over and I said no because I was busy and he was chill about it. He texted me the next morning and asked if I wanted to do dinner but again I was too busy. I agreed that I would come see him tonight after work. He also said I am welcome to visit him anytime I want.
We had a chat about what we’re looking for and we were both on the same page about having something exclusive but this seems like it’s moving very fast for me. I already told him that I like my alone time and he seems to respect that.
Is this a red flag? I do really like him and his company but I’m not necessarily ready for something serious right now. I’m also anxious because I know that he is way out of my league and I’m worried that I don’t see him as much as he wants then he’ll easily find a girl who will.
Has anyone experienced anything like this?
11 comments
So your desires don’t align and you’re scared to lose him to another girl but you still don’t wanna move at the speed that he is. You’re selfish, either take him serious or let him move on to someone who is on the same wavelength as him.
I’m so confused on your post.. what part are you questioning causing you to think something is a red flag?
People who fall in love quickly tend to fall out of love just as quickly.
One date per week for the first few weeks and maybe an extra lunch or coffee date thrown in here and there. You want a slow burn that builds up, not a bonfire as soon as you light the match.
I think it’s best for you to let him know you’re not looking for anything serious right now.
To me? I feel like this is over thinking it. If you enjoy someones company, and want to see them, whats the harm?
I’m a little confused when you say you want something exclusive but not serious. What is your definition of serious?
You want something exclusive but not serious? Sorry but your desires sound very mixed. I understand going slow and giving you your alone time but it’s not as easy to do without the emotional commitment of being serious. If I was this guy I would move on after reading this.
Life happens and adjust the timeline….It’s just a weird question. Every relationship is different.
Married 20 years with 3 boys…and her and i wanted to see each other as much as we could.
he might have a co-dependence issue. he seems like a great guy, so i dont think its a deal breaker but maybe you could talk to him about that. good luck!
He enjoys spending time with you so much that he wants to keep doing that! This is great, but stay at the pace that you want. Honestly it’s attractive that you’re not overly available and that you have a life. Keep the pace that you want. I think it’s great that when you can’t see him, you suggest plans for another time.
Also you mentioned you want something exclusive … but not serious…. And that you think he’s out of your league?
I think you may be self-sabotaging a little. He hasn’t mentioned a committed relationship with you yet. Why are you jumping ahead? Of course you don’t want a serious relationship with him yet, you barely met the guy. But perhaps in several weeks when you know him better you’ll feel differently. And if you need more time, then take more time. You decide the rules of your life. No one is trapping you into anything.
It seems he thinks you are in his league. He seems interested, he’s not pressing you for sex. He sounds like a good guy.