Hey guys,
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I am very lonely, or at least it feels that way. I have a partner, and I love them so much, going nigh on three years at this point and they are my best friend. But they are my only friend.
In highschool, I had three different friend groups I bounced around with, and rarely got invited out after school to do things. I Mostly put this down to undiagnosed ADHD, bad anger issues, and just general “Weird kid” syndrome. But since leaving high school, I have never had anyone that passed the surface level friends.
I am extremely out going, and it’s very easy for me to talk to new people, to make people laugh and have a great time. At my work, I am friends with a lot of my customer (I am a Barista), whenever we have barista’s from other stores covering our shifts we are laughing by the end of it. At college, I became the “Heart” of the class, as it’s an Animation degree and a lot of the students are introverted art students so naturally they gravitated towards my outgoing personality. They come to me for help and advice, and I am producing our group short film.
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But I have noticed recently I don’t have any form of support network. I have my partner, but that is one person and they are going through a lot of personal heavy stuff that mine seems trivial. What if I have concerns about my partner or our relationship, or just want another opinion? I see that in college other students have their own personal group chats, meet up outside, all that. Closest person I have in the class we lit up a couple times in first year but we never talk outside of class. Same with work.
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I just want to be invited places. I want deep conversation, I want to have a group. At my first job, me and my coworker lit up on the roof for 2 hours after we had closed and it’s my best memory, but we drifted after I left. I had a highschool group where we used to have campfires every night, but we drifted.
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I make all these friends, I talk to all these people, I make people laugh and I love listening to them talk, but it never goes further. I don’t know what to do, and I guess I am rambling here.