Hello,
I will try to make this as short and sweet as possible.
I’m mentally and emotionally at my wits end.
I make OK money for my age, I think. Around 60-65K. I have my own business on the side of my main gig, we’re still in the infant stages currently but it’s given me something to look forward to. I have my LLC, and DBA as I have plans to expand under the LLC in the future, but I’m lacking motivation right now. I enrolled in community college & start in January for my AAS in Business Management. I’ve been in a management position of some sorts the past 7 years.
I’m roughly 4 months out of a traumatic break up with a woman whom I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. She cheated on me with her ex and I just haven’t been the same since. I feel I lost my best friend, her family, etc.
I went from living on my own the past 10 years to now sleeping on my best friends couch. My parents offered to have me stay with them and press the reset button on life, but my good ole pride interfered. I feel like a loser, and I’m so disappointed in myself.
I’m trying my best to change my perspective but my depression and anxiety are overtaking my life. I have a therapy appointment this upcoming week & I have plans to start medication.
Am I behind in life? Any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
9 comments
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You’re not behind in life. You just had a setback, as not even so far that you’re behind others at your age. Just get back on your feet and move forward as if your current situation is your starting point.
I turned 30 a couple days ago and I’m not as far as you, career wise, and I’m going to be taking a pay cut and be forced to work 60 hours a week to pay the bills to start training in a new career for the future.
I fail to see how any of this is your fault or something to be ashamed of. It’s okay and normal to feel defeated, but none of this was your doing. You’re not a loser at all, just got screwed over and going through a tough time
Dude your fine trust me. Stick with the therapy, don’t be scared to start the meds. I’m 37, and I lost the girl who I wanted to spend my life with over some very solvable issues and mostly miscommunication. Nearly 4 months ago. I live alone.
Have a new career in the last two years as a software dev. I went through absolute hell. Blindsided endings are the worst.
I slept about 3-4 hours per night for the first three months. I was a complete mess. I couldn’t work and luckily my colleagues stepped up for me.
Started mirtazapine at the start of october, which is for insomnia as well as anxiety and depression. It helps me be in a sound frame of mind to look at things properly that I wouldn’t have without it.
Day after day I get better and bro, you got 6 years on me. 30 is nothing. Relax. You dodged a bullet with a cheater.
Feel free to dm me dude, things are going to be okay and this will take time but will make you a much stronger man. I know it doesn’t feel like it at the moment, and that’s okay.
Hey. From one stubborn guy to another:
Go back home. Your parents love you and want to look after you. I think you might need to be around that rn.
Explain how you’re feeling, i’m sure they will be happy to have you close
Doesn’t sound like you’re behind at all, just hit a road bump. Someone cheating on you is their fuck up, not yours…
Maybe get your own place or move in with parents. Pride shouldn’t come into it & based on what you said you know it, make the rational choice & keep making progress.
If your parents offered for you to move in with them for free or a reduced rent, 100000% do this even for a few months. Lock your wounds and be around people who love you. If your relationship with them is toxic then obviously don’t, but if it’s just your pride stopping you – swallow a humble pill. My (43) parents let me move back in with them when I was 37 to reset my life and it absolutely changed the trajectory in a very positive way. I recommend.
You’re doing fine. You’re educated and thriving economically. Put the woman behind you. Let her fade into a bad memory. You’ve learned something about women and hopefully know more about how to read the tea leaves. They’re not all bad but also they’re not all great.
I’d roommate in with a group of other men close to your age. Don’t own the lease. Just pay the rent and enjoy the company of men. They’re not all great either but you already knew that. You’ll be surprised how much you have in common with them and how important the limited support they provide is. You’ll also discover that they have no qualms about kicking you into gear if you get whiny. After a year you’ll be in better shape to move on with your life.
You’re not behind in life.
Take up your mom’s offer… pride be damned, you were just betrayed and your family isn’t a place to hide, it’s a SANCTUARY. You need to fall back and regroup a bit.
Mourn your loss then put yourself and your happiness first. Don’t worry about finding a woman, they happen. Focus on yourself, continue to self educate, build your career/business, and do what you want, not what someone tells you you should be doing.