Why don’t people look at me when I talk to them?

27 comments

1. It’s normal to not maintain constant eye contact. Hard to tell what’s going on without seeing it.

2. There is a quite an easy method to find out if it is because of you. Pay attention what those people do when they talk with other people, do they avoid eye contact with other people aswell or do they look them in the eye most of the time when they talk, do that for a considerable amount of time, not just once or twice.

   If they do not hold eye contact with others too, then it is probably how they are, not all people hold eye contact, for multiple reasons, but if they do when talking to others but not you, then it can be a problem with you which you will have to find out for yourself.

   Maybe they way you talk is strange, maybe they think you’re rude, maybe you’re constantly interrupting them, hence why they avoid eye contact or maybe it has to do with your looks, you will have to find that out for yourself.

   Concerning looks: do random people stare at you when you walk in public in general? Because if they do, then it might be something odd/strange about your appearance, hence the people that you communicate all the time, avoid eye contact. But if you never get strange stares from anyone, looks might not be the problem.

   Saying this from experience, because I used to have that problem aswell in high school, but then i found out the reason and adressed it after analyzing it for a long time.

   Also: it also depends about what you are you talking with them. If you only discuss very trivial – not very important aspects then they might not hold eye contact, because they could find you not that interesting, but if you talk about personal aspects aswell, like relationships etc etc or just interesting things and they still dont keep eye contact, then it is another problem, one of those that I adressed above.

3. As someone with anxiety, it’s easier for me to hold a conversation with someone while looking around or past them. Strong eye contact terrifies me and makes me lose track of thought easily. I try to maintain enough eye contact so the other person knows I’m engaged in the convo. Pay no mind to the guy that said it’s probably because you look funny, I have an even harder time with eye contact when my brain thinks the person I’m talking to is attractive 🙃

4. i feel like prolonged direct eye contact is usually interpreted as aggressive and so most casual conversations will b conducted with light and or broken eye contact

5. Maybe your breath or BO is bad? I have an older co-worker who smokes a lot and I just always have to stay a bit further away/facing away from him when we talk because the way he smells is just ..overwhelming idk.

6. It could be that you’re making them slightly uncomfortable by violating an implicit social rule and they’re signaling that with their eye contact/body language.

   E.g., people can react this way if you stand slightly closer to them than they’re expecting, etc.

7. Sounds like they are not interested based on their body language. You’ll notice people turn their body and feet away from you when they’re not interested.

8. Sometimes I glance once or twice, sometimes I maintain freaky eye contact and have to tell myself to look away because I can see I am making them uncomfortable. Maybe your looking too long. You gotta look away sometimes

9. Are very pretty u/ballsack_oil? I have a lot of trouble maintaining eye contact with people who are very beautiful. I’ve seen other people around me struggle with that as well

10. You need to consider what you are talking about and with who.

    I like to look people in the eye, but I don’t do it very much at all when talking to business associates, only because I use my eyes to think- I will look up and around when accessing imagination, and look down and at angle to help process data.

    When I respond or if they are trying to emphasize a point, I look into their eye to show respect for the weight of the subject.

    However, there is a chance you have bad breath.

11. Honestly I thought I was the only one who noticed but, the thing is even when they’re talking to you they don’t make eye contact either, and I’m wondered what they’re looking at, it’s uncomfortable for me when you think about it but I don’t know if y’all have that problem to. Right? (if you know what I mean)

12. Dude this is pretty normal. People don’t stare at each other usually. The only time you see unnaturally high eye contact is in an office workplace and/or interview setting where people have been told it “projects confidence” to make eye contact, so they do it sometimes to uncomfortable extremes.

13. I’m not great with eye contact and tend to glance away or look at the things around me. Its so hard to know why that might be happening because there are a lot of different reasons people might avoid eye contact. I do it when I’m nervous or distracted or if I’m trying to hint I want to be done with the conversation. It might have nothing to do with you or you could be making them uncomfortable. I would just do your best to be self aware. Pay attention to how close you’re standing to them, how long are you staring at them without looking away, and if they seem disinterested in talking. If you’re doing what you can to monitor your own behavior and people still act this way, it might be safe to assume it’s a them problem and not worry about it.

    I have definitely never avoided eye contact with someone because I thought they were ugly. That thought has never crossed my mind. Even if i don’t find someone attractive that absolutely doesn’t make them painful to look at. I really don’t think anyone is avoiding looking at you because they think you’re ugly. That is such a crazy thing to say.

14. you could just be surrounded by people who have anxiety or are autistic. its pretty common as holding eye contact can be really stressful and make conversations hard for people. if you feel up to it, maybe watch how they interact with each other/other people. if you’re close enough you can outright ask.

    I’m on the spectrum and its way easier for me talk to people when I’m not facing them or making eye contact. It comes across as rude sometimes, and if someone points out that it bugs them I make an effort to meet them halfway.

    (an option I hate to throw out, but my brother had terrible oral hygiene for a few years and it made people interact with him differently. even our family would turn away when talking, stand to the side of him, just kinda body language away from the smell. I’m not saying anything as I don’t know you, but once he got his mouth taken care of its easier to talk to him like normal. it might be rude but could it be a hygiene thing?)

15. Have to understand that many people struggle with social anxiety. I personally have that struggle it’s nothing against you most likely

16. Eye contact is actually kinda hard for a lot of people; and now that everyone’s discovering they’re on the spectrum for ADHD or autism they’re a lot more comfortable not forcing these social etiquettes.
    Just pay closer attention to whether or not they’re actually listening to you.
    I myself tend to look to the side when I’m actually listening/processing.

17. Probably autistic or social anxiety or schizoids

    tho autistics, schizoids and people with social anxiety avoid eye contact for different reasons

    autistic people may avoid eye contact because they misread, under read, over read, social information

    people with social anxiety may avoid eye contact because they fear the worst in social interaction

    schizoids may avoid eye contact because they are indifferent to human bonding/social interactions/ affiliations

    tho if your unsure you should ask them

18. I got the tism

19. I’m attractive and people do this to me when they don’t want to seem like they are staring

20. If I had to guess, it is because you are uncomfortable and that makes them uncomfortable in turn.

    Nervous people give off bad vibes.

21. You’re either super ugly or attractive. Also might be too intense with your eye contact

22. You need to ask someone you know what they think. It’s hard to say because we can’t see your interactions. I’ve met many people who have a very intense gaze that feels intimidating. Maybe you don’t notice that you’re doing it?

23. Hmm 🤔 There are many different variables. It could be you are so attractive that people are intimidated by you. It could also me your so ugly people can’t stand to look at you. It could also mean people find you boring and want to leave the conversation without being rude. If this happens a few times I would say the other person is being insecure or weird, but if almost every person you come in contact with is acting like this then something isn’t right. Most likely it could be either your a boring conversationalist, you smell, people find you intimidating, or your awkward.

24. Tbh it’s a clear sign of someone who doesn’t want to talk to you.

    And it’s probably not about you at all. It’s probably that, the guy you are talking to came there to be with his friends, or pick up girls, so a random man talking to him is just utterly uninteresting to him.

25. Are you an extremely attractive or extremely ugly person?

26. You’re probably just talking to people who grew up after cell phones. They’re used to their interactions (text, calls, email) not requiring eye contact or emotional empathy (bc you can’t feel each other’s hearts) so the physical feeling of being in an actual energetic exchange makes them uncomfortable, and looking away makes it feel more like texting.

    You are normal, they have development issues.

    Just politely offer them opportunities to how to actually interact irl by saying things like “I’m over here” or “please look at me while we are talking” or “I can’t see your eyes.” Usually they will look then. Sometimes they will get all butthurt and weird but that’s a deficiency in their development, so don’t let them make you feel like you’re doing something wrong or that *you’re* somehow responsible for *their* comfort or emotional development.

    Remember though, when someone else is talking to look at their mouth so you can pay full attention to what they’re saying. If you’re staring at their eyes when they’re speaking they’ll feel intimidated bc it’s not your time to put your intention forward, it’s time to put your attention forward, so they can focus their energy without it feeling like a contest.

27. If someone’s feet is pointed directly at you, that means they are sexually attracted too you. So unless that’s what you are looking for don’t worry about it and if you want them too look you in the eyes. Tell them too, the confidence to tell “Hey Jan can you look me in the eyes when you speak to me” tells you were you stand anyways. They are are mean about it than they aren’t a friend anyways.