I need someone to either give me a reality check or advice.
My husband and I are 25. Six years together We have 2 kids (4,1) and I’m currently 5 months pregnant. Our sex life has been lackluster to say the least for at least a year. We’ve fallen into a hard routine sexually, and unfortunately sex has dwindled to once every 1-2 weeks.
Even after I had our second child we’d have intercourse at least 4 times a week and even then I (we) wanted more but made due. For some context most sexual encounters involve “you wanna do it” I give him head, ride him until he or we finish and that’s that. I’ve had multiple conversations about this with him. I’m lacking that sexual passion that keeps me interested and honestly I feel like he’s just trying to get his nut and be done. I’ve tried just bringing new things in myself, taking control, just trying to enjoy the routine even if I really don’t. I DO enjoy giving head very much so it’s not like I’m unenthusiastic about sex or oral with him, but I’m honestly not getting much reciprocal love. He pretty much quit initiating and says “he wants to feel desired too” which is completely fair but since I’ve been initiating he just takes that as a reason to not initiate himself…. At all besides the stupid one liners. I do believe he’s switched to responsive desire, but I’ve always had responsive and I’ve always put forth effort so he doesn’t feel unwanted. There’s no kissing my body, touching me, just straight to head for him and piv. I’m aware I allow this for the most part but even after many discussions nothing has changed. I simply don’t want to have to ask for what I want done to my body everytime we have sex.
It’s to the point where I’m reading posts about people sex lives or self pleasuring with porn and just cry. I miss feeling excited or wanted. I miss fun sex and I feel so terrified we’re headed to a dead bedroom. We’re so young! I don’t wanna waste these years having mediocre unsatisfying sex. The most advice I’ve really seen is “women control the passion in the bedroom” but here I am giving him the whole blueprint and throwing myself at his mercy and still nothing.
We both work full time and I have 97% of childcare falls on me. I understand life stresses, and the ebb and flow of everything really. He once told me life isn’t a movie and things happen but I really just feel like we’re friends at this point. He’s a good man, hard worker and ik he’d say the same about me, but I’m at the point I NEED romance, some spontaneity, and he always blames the kids as to why we can’t have those things. It feels like a cop out for him not to put forth effort into our relationship as a whole.
Thank you for reading. I’m open to any and all thoughts🫶🏽
7 comments
Sounds like he’s a selfish lover. Stop giving him blowjobs and tell him everything you told us. Or show him this post.
I feel you should really show him this post, as another commenter said. I doubt it’s a case of him losing all interest in you or anything like that. I think it’s moreso a case of, like you said, him not really putting the effort in, even though it’s something you both want. Of course kids make things difficult, and pregnancy makes things difficult, and working full time makes things difficult. But at the same time, I feel like he could at least be doing something.
Like the times when you are able to have sex, surley he can’t take a more slow-paced passionate approach? My golden rule has always been that each partner should make the other person’s pleasure and comfort the priority. And considering that sex often has to end once the male cums, wether you want it or not, I think it’s especially important that the male partner takes care of the female partner’s needs first. It sounds like he needs to put the effort in making *you* feel good, the same way you are doing to him.
> Marital sex with young kids, is it always doomed?
Well, it’s definitely illegal.
Yes, sex dies in a majority of marriages. You either keep addressing it and trying, fall into a dead bedroom, cheat, or get divorced.
Shrug. I’m three years into a dead bedroom… kid is 3 years old too. Your sex life sounds absolutely scintillating compared to mine. My wife is just at total zero in the libido department.
I feel like I could’ve written this😩 Except sex is 1-2x a month. He doesn’t even grab my ass in day to day life anymore. I don’t have any advice, but I hear you sister. It’s frustrating and doesn’t feel good to not be desired/wanted or for them to feel like they don’t have to try anymore
So this situation sounds similar to mine awhile back except I was the husband. I’m not always good about expressing my feelings and what really was the underlying reason was that I was just always feeling shitty. Fixing my diet and exercising not only made me feel better around but it turned up the sex dial all the way up where we were finding any opportunity to have sex. I slipped back into eating like shit, drinking and not working out and I’m back to being lazy as fuck and the sex has been dialed way back. I’m sure there could be other factors playing into it as well but a healthy diet and exercise is a game changer.