Normally I do pretty well on Hinge but I had to take a break a few months ago as the constant rejection, bad dates, and texts of “no chemistry” began to have a significant impact on my mental health. However, with a new found sense of self esteem and the summer weather ahead, I’m going to give this another shot.
I work in IT and from home, most of my friends are married or partnered and my hobbies don’t lend themselves to meeting new people so this is kind of my last chance in hell. I’ve never had a true long term relationship and I’m extremely embarrassed by it. I spent a long time focusing on my career, working on myself as a person (I do have Asperger’s which I’m also embarrassed about), and spent most of my late 20’s traveling with my band. I still go to weekly therapy which has been a huge help.
For some reason, I can’t seem to get past 3 dates either. I know that the key is to try and show what you are looking for and be able to tell about yourself which I tried really hard to do. I also did the best I could with the pictures.
I usually am awful at bios and prompts so hoping for a little help there? Not sure if the one about volunteer work is good or not. Heck, I’m not sure how much of this profile is salvageable.
***I realize that my lack of hair, body shape and hight aren’t going to help. I’m aware and working on but don’t want to keep waiting for months and months as that goes along. If I wanted help with that I’d go to*** r/Fitness ***or*** r/tressless ***. I’m working with what I got here for right now.***
[https://imgur.com/a/7Bakc5W](https://imgur.com/a/7Bakc5W)
27 comments
As a fellow bald man. Just save your head with a razor. You already have a good shaped head for it, but a receding hairline is a turnoff for women. Embrace that stuff bruh
You seem, kind, witty, and intelligent. Let that shit shine. Not that many women are that worried about build, so no worries and you are working on it. The OLD climate has gotten worse for alot of people. I think it may be just temporary, weather through it and we will be good haha. Best of luck sir!
You give off a very kind vibe, which is a good thing. I agree with the comment suggesting shaving your head, I think it would be more flattering. Also, some of my favorite people are aspies, I really don’t see it as something to be embarrassed about 🙂
To be honest, I think your profile is pretty good as is, with good photos. I do agree with other posts that a fully-shaved head would be more flattering.
Aside from that, at the end of the day OLD is a numbers game. It’ll burn you out, chew you up and cripple your self-esteem if you don’t take breaks and take OLD for what it is – an avenue rather than a crutch.
I know you know this, OP, figure sometimes it helps to hear though. Best of luck.
I would definitely swipe right. You seem incredibly kind and fun.
I like all the photos but the one playing guitar is probably the least good. I like the black shirt one that’s at the very bottom. Also the full body bike shot might be preferable to the selfie because people who cycle could use it as a conversation starter. I think this is a good profile. Honestly if you can’t make it past the **3rd** date that’s not really your profile’s doing. Do you think it’s the conversation patterns between dates maybe?
Are you swiping right on people with similar interest as yours? Are you open to dating someone with Asperger’s? Also, nothing to be embarrassed about if someone has made you feel bad about, they’re jerks.
It’s such a wholesome profile.. Shows how carefree you are and aren’t afraid of having fun 🙂 keep it as is bud and good luck out there!
Great photos by the way. I really like how you show your hobbies of playing the guitar and cycling, and you give off a very vibrant full of life energy.
You’ve shared that you do pretty well on Hinge, right — it’s just the in person dating that you are not having success with? If that’s the case, perhaps maybe you can be more direct on what advice you’re looking for from the group. As to be honest, a profile review may not be what you’re after. For example, I can quickly suggest that you should curate your photos, and maybe pick your favorite 4. For example, my favorite is 1, 6, 7, 8.
But if you’re going on dates and it’s not going anywhere, well, your experience isn’t exactly uncommon. I would say it’s quite common! In this case, I would just make sure you are very specific on who you choose for a date so you don’t get burned out as easily and make sure your profile commentary reflects the type of person you would hope would relate and match with you.
I have no feedback and you’ve gotten some good feedback from others. I just wanted to say, overall your profile is good, you seem wonderful and full of life. And please dont be embarrassed about having Asperger’s! One of my favourite people I had ever dated is autistic and if things would have panned out, he would have been a wonderful partner. In fact, some of what I perceived to be his autistic characteristics were my favourite things about him. He was so direct and honest with me, listened to me and took me seriously, asked me flat out when he didn’t know what I was feeling, and he also was very enthusiastic and expressed himself freely. I saw it as a strength and still do.
What are the pics at the end? Just extra pics? I think you’ve already chosen the best ones. Guitar one with not-smiling face probably could be removed.
I really like your answer about the mundane details! That’s cute. The nonprofit one is a fun fact but instead of just describing what it is, maybe you could say why it’s important to you or how it makes you feel?
Lovely profile. As others have said you look very friendly and kind. Good luck 🙂
Hey man, you’ve basically described yourself as a short, overweight, bald, awkward nerd. But when I look at your profile, I see a guy who’s got a stable career, hobbies and interests, and the talent and drive to make things happen. You’re in a band (it’s cool to make music), you’re into cycling (a healthy, active hobby), and you’re a good looking dude (updating the hair and beard a bit would help with your overall look).
Given the disparity between the way you present yourself in your profile and the way your describe yourself here, I suspect that the problem isn’t your profile. If I had to hazard a guess, I’d suggest that you might not be showing your best side in person. Before you go out on a date, try making a list of all the things that make you cooler than the next guy, and let that fascinating, accomplished dude shine through. (You toured with your band! You work for Apple, sort of! You go for however many kilometer bike rides on the regular!)
If I had to make a suggestion about your profile, it’s a bit drab. Your photos show a cool guy, so talk about them more. Lose the bike helmet close-up, it’s not flattering. And I’d lose the volunteering bit as well, it just feels awkwardly shoehorned in. Talk more about your music, some adventures you’ve had, maybe a brief mention about your cycling, that kind of thing.
your profile is strong but the way you describe yourself in in this post makes it seem like your confidence is really low, and I wonder if that’s coming across on your dates?
Shave your head and hit the gym. That will change your life. I know it’s easier said than done, but if you want results you have to work for them. People are saying friendly because they’re being nice instead of just saying they’re not attracted to you. Some muscle will change that
I’m gonna be honest, I’d swipe right on you. You’re cute, profile is done well and you used good photos. Maybe it’s just your execution on the dates? You mentioned having Asperger’s so maybe something is happening in person on these dates? Also, dating sucks so don’t beat yourself up about it everyone struggles with it.
well according to all the replies you got here you have a lovely profile and shouldn’t be struggling, hell, most would’ve swiped on you! with that top notch consulting you should find someone any time now!
Your photos are better than the last time but I will say they’re still a little repetitive. You’ve got 2 photos playing guitar and 2 photos posing in front of brick walls. It makes it seem like those two hobbies may be the only ones you have.
Chemistry is going to come down to the interactions during the in-person dating more than the profile. Although mentioning before the date that you’ve got Aspberger’s is probably going to help reduce the number of dates, but by virtue of doing so will also lead to a higher % of dates going somewhere.
I’d swipe right you. You’re cute, and pics look like your life is interesting. I’d have a lot of conversation starters ready for a chat based on your profile.
Your pics are good and your smile is very welcoming
If you have a small group photo of a 3rd hobby (not music or cycling) use it
Personally I liked your prompt choices as well.
Im probably not your target market though (CIS man here)
Dude you look cool as f*ck! Good luck on your journey
As a lesbian, I’m not your target demographic, but wanted to say that I think this is a great profile and if I were straight I’d date you.
I think you’re profile is fine. Online dating is a grind, just gotta keep at it.
I honestly have no negative feedback to give. You look fun, you’re in a band, are active with cycling, and everybody knows the bottom half of the muffin is better. As long as your photos are accurate.
Getting past third meet is hard, I’m not being smug but i am slim blonde tall so finding matches was easy but getting past a few dates wasnt any easier. Could it be the style of dates you’re going on?
I found sitting across from each other felt like a job interview, walks round the park with a few beers in hand was always more fun, shared bottle of wine on the river bank was better, or a bike ride or something active even for second date. Things where chat could flow easily and didnt have to feel forced.
Two things really.
One is I wonder what kinds of people you are swiping on. I read that you are looking for people who are also into music, which is great, but at some point I do wonder if staying within our comfort zone can lead us to dead ends. Maybe think about what might compliment you and widen your life and experiences.
Which leads into the second point:
I can totally understand feeling embarrassed and maybe “less than” in some respect due to whatever we might believe to be out shortcomings. I don’t have ASD but I have some things going on that overlap with it. At the end of the day if we go into dates, life, whatever, believing ourselves to have check marks against us, we are immediately on the back foot and set ourselves up to try and prove our worth. This can lead us to unconsciously pick people who reaffirm our self defeating beliefs and stay in our comfort zone (even if that does us no good, better the devil you know etc). Any knock back we take instantly becomes a reflection of our worth or value as a person. It’s a horrible cycle and grinds us to dust.
When we feel insecure or unworthy we will seek out people to affirm our existence. This can be very limiting and troublesome and turn our “groove” into a rut.
Respond if you’d like an honest answer my dude.
I like your hair. I don’t see the problem here
Gotta shave the dome and lose some weight. You have an amazing contagious smile. OLD is about first impressions and when there are a bunch of people and pictures to choose from the comfort of your home, you gotta get real with yourself.
You know what to do. Since you work from home, are you close to a gym that has some classes like CrossFit or bodypump where you see the same people regularly? That’s going to be a great place to meet a new group of people.