For context, I’m a guy. So yesterday, my (now ex) friend texted me asking if I wanted to go with her and her friends to a Halloween party but they needed a ride and they gave me gas money. We went to the party for about 2 hours and I got super high and she told me I could come back to her friends place to sober up before I drove back home (~1 hr drive). We stopped to get food then I dropped her off at her friends place and she told me to go find parking and to text her when I parked and she would meet me outside. So I went and parked, then I texted her saying I’m walking back and I started walking over there (about 1/4 mile away) but she wasn’t replying. She kept leaving me on read. I tried calling her but she wouldn’t answer my calls. Then she eventually texted me saying this:
“To be honest with you, your very stressful to be around and my friends are very annoyed as well. U have ur gas money from us. U have a good night”
I have no idea how I could have possibly made her feel that way. Everything seemed completely fine when we were hanging out. Stuff like this happens to me way too often (people rebuking me after hanging out with me then never talking to me again) and it causes me to have no friends IRL. I can’t stop beating myself up about this. I don’t understand what I’m doing to make people not want anything to do with me. It makes me feel like I was just made to be alone. I’m extremely lonely because of this stuff. Any advice would be appreciated
24 comments
**“To be honest with you, your very stressful to be around and my friends are very annoyed as well. U have ur gas money from us. U have a good night”**
Ouch that’s rough; however I have to ask:
1. When you got high, are you the only one that was partaking? Or where there other people doing the same at the party?
2. When your high, how do you act? That right there could be the defining moment.
It sounds like from the text you were either obnoxious and ruined thier vibe/mood with your intoxication or you offered and were persistent despite despite them declining perhaps.
Still if you’re intoxicated (on whatever) and others aren’t nor on the same level, it can be annoying & stressful to those involved.
However, I really can’t get a good assessment without more info…. still, that’s rough to hear.
There’s definitely something that you’re doing wrong that you’re not aware of.. maybe reach out to her and be open, and ask for the truth? It may hurt to hear, but tell her you really don’t know what you did wrong, and you want to know so that you can correct it. This way you can become more self aware and correct any faults that you may be causing.
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Maybe you are acting too big a fool when high.
If this has happened to you more than once then you are the problem and you might be better off getting high on your own and not around friends.
Lesson to be learnt if you want to come out on top
Did you agree to be their designated driver? Maybe they are annoyed you agreed to give them a ride to the party, usually under the pretense you would be sober, and instead you got super high and then dangerously drove them home leaving them with the dilemma of having an intoxicated driver or not getting home.
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How are you getting high? if you’re just smoking weed maybe you get quiet or some shit. if its something else tho, maybe your drug use is stressful
>I got super high
Probably the reason
But she proposed to sober up at her friends place. How did you acted ? Like a AH ?
If not, make sure to never talk to them ever again, driving hours for that isn’t worth it
And stop weed, you’ll find friends
OP has stated he has severe OCD. I could imagine that is stressful to be around.
Sounds to me like she just used you for a ride. They weren’t annoyed enough with you to have you take them for food and back to their apartment. I don’t think it’s wrong to consider your behavior and if you were being obnoxious but you also could just be hanging out with the wrong people. Would she have still wanted you to come to the party if you couldn’t drive? I’d guess probably not. It’s sucky but be glad you found out her character. This is not something a friend would do, even if you were being annoying.
I bet you keep getting high during all the times something like this have happened. Stop getting fucked up. Learn to be sober, to be normal, baseline.
Buddy – when people invite you to some party but also make it clear that you are invited coz they need a ride, it means that you are their sober ride while they let lose. It means that you are invited and can be around, but can’t really indulge.
I thought she was the problem here. But if this keeps happening to you over and over, you must be the problem. Go to a therapist, reddit can’t help. You can use betterhelp.com to get cheaper therapy
If it happens often then the problem is clearly you. I’d examine myself and try to figure out why people don’t want to be around you.
Do you remember much about what you said, or more generally the conversation in the car?
At a blind guess…shit, I dunno. Are you particular about how people act or what they take inside your car? Get irritable when given bad directions? Throw out a lot of orders/directions to people so things don’t get off track?
Barenaked conjecture up there^(↑) on all of those, btw–at least from your account, there’s no indication that any of these were present or at issue.
Some people have no qualms with using other people when all they really want is a ride to a party. It’s possible they never were your friends – they just wanted a cheap ride. Blaming you lets them avoid being seen as shallow cheapskates.
Me being addicted to alcohol has made me lose everyone in my life. People don’t wanna be around a dumbass basically.
I say this with peace and love but my dude they used you for a ride, got frustrated when their DD got high, then ditched you the moment you weren’t useful to them.
Don’t mix with exes, don’t let ppl use you for your assets. You’re not meant to be alone. You’re meant to be in better company. Cheers
You should’ve never took the invite, they only saw you as a taxi or personal Uber. While you may have goofed up by indulging, it’s messed up that they’d invite you to sober up then reneged. You made em your ex for a reason, move on.
I got another idea you can’t make a whole entire house. Wife, no matter how good you are, she attic. Can you just about take down? Thank God I have AA senol. I don’t always know bad to happen, huh? I still love her but I hate her b****, it’s a w****
You agreed to be the driver and you got high. I’d probably tell you to get lost too.
I think you need to find a brutally honest friend or acquaintance, maybe even this friend, and ask for a brutal assessment of how you come off. Then you need to listen and take whatever they said into consideration. Don’t defend yourself just listen.
Getting high when you are the dedicated driver might not be the quickest way to lose friends. But it’s right up there. You are a dingbat. That’s my advice.
OP, did you end up taking anything away from these responses? Did you reflect on your behavior at all, or check in with your friend to see if they had any specific feedback? Or did you post this just in hopes of obtaining attention or sympathy?
I didn’t see you much engage with the many people that took time out of their day to try to help you. If you are busy and planning on engaging later then maybe it’s just a matter of poor planning. But if not, and you just don’t like the answers you got so you’re ignoring them, then it’s probably a decent indication of how you treat people irl and that’s pretty telling.