Hey everyone, so l’ve been talking to this girl for about 6 months we live in different states until she moves to mine in a couple of months. Now it all seems nice over the phone but in person it’s been weird. I met her in person about two months ago she flew out to my city in New Mexico to look at apartments, we hung out while she was out here. My birthday was last month in September, she wanted me to fly out to come see her to celebrate it.
I moved some things around and a month later I flew out. I got us this a hotel room with nice views for our weekend stay. (I got it because she has 2 other girl roommates and I didn’t wanna seem like a mooch)
The first few hours was nice we went out and did things and had a really good time together, unfortunately that night we start arguing and I really hate it because I’m very non-confrontational. This leads to the rest of the trip days being very uncomfortable, we kind of start fighting the whole trip, she does have her very sweet moments but after the name calling and belittling I got, I felt uneasy about letting myself get comfortable again.
Another thing that I wanted to bring up is she claimed to have all this stuff planned but didn’t actually have much planned. Also I paid for EVERYTHING, each activity, each bar, each restaurant, the hotel, and whatever else we needed. Thats not the biggest deal here but I mean I gave her opportunity’s to pay but it was very much not what she wanted to do. What is y’all’s take on this?
I know what your gonna say “why can’t you find a girl in your city” I can and have a bunch of times this just seemed different but now I’m feeling like it was an “expensive lesson”
4 comments
>I’m feeling like it was an “expensive lesson”
Life is an expensive lesson.
She ain’t the one, move on.
based on your post, i think you know the answer
If my long distance partner paid for air fares and accommodation to visit me, I’d sure as heck be picking up as much of the rest of the expenses that I could sensibly afford and/or arranging inexpensive outings and some home cooked meals. The fact she actively avoided that is a big red flag in terms of entitlement, and consideration (or lack of, to be more correct).
The thing is, you only really know someone when you spend time with them in person. That’s when you get to see how they behave when plans go awry, how they treat wait staff, how flexible they are with plans, how considerate they are towards you etc etc. It seems like you got some good perspective on at least some of those things and now you need to make a decision on how to move forward (hint hint, without her).
Most people move in after a year or more in a NORMAL relationship. The lack of actual physical interaction in a LDR means you’d have to spend WAY longer getting to know someone before moving in.
Such quick milestones are how you get stuck in an abusive relationship.
And what little you’ve seen of this girl in-person has been terrible:
*****She wanted YOU to fly out on YOUR birthday.*****
**She called you names and belittled you AND on YOUR birthday.**
*****YOU paid for everything on YOUR birthday.*****
This is indicative of what your future with her will be like. She’s selfish and mean and you’re nonconfrontational – so she’s gonna walk all over you FOREVER.
Get back home, shut down the moving plans, and block her.