I liked a guy a lot and he liked me too. We had a great chemistry, and our compatibility was too amazing.
We clicked almost immediately and used to spend days and nights talking to each other. We meet at a common place every week.
At the end of last month, we had an event at that place that brought both of us closer. We immediately got too passionate about each other. As we got closer, it struck to him that there is something in his life he can not be open about yet, and he wanted to back off because this thing could change my opinion about him completely.
I was utterly shocked, could not comprehend the action, and reacted in the most clingy manner possible, That is, I argued over chat for 2 days to stop and asked him to meet me in person. This whole thing frustrated him even more, resulting in annoying texts and the ruining of the beautiful relation we had.
We both heartbroken, maintained distance for a couple of days. But he tried coming back after 4 days. I was extremely disturbed by this sudden abandonment and could not accept his return immediately, so I pushed him further away.
Now we are not talking to each other but still get to see him. I went through a mental trauma as this whole incident triggered my childhood trauma of my father’s abandonment that he knows about.
I really wish we could give this a second chance, but I think texting him back a random post won’t have much impact, and I am afraid he’ll label me as clingy.
He used to always tell me that he was too afraid to lose me, and given the fact that he stepped away as soon as we got close indicates me that he was weak headed too. I don’t wish for a relationship at least for the moment, but seeing each other weekly but not acknowledging the presence is painful.
Another alternative could be to let time heal things, but I am afraid it might be too late by then. Should I try talking face to face? Won’t that be clingy, too?
TLDR – the guy who liked me crazily backed off due to some personal issues that he was not ready to share. I took this as a very serious matter and behaved all clingy to stop him, which backfired immediately. Now that I have taken a whole month to get heal my mental health, I wish to rectify things without violating his space. Should I make the first move or let him come to me?
3 comments
I mean, he had boundaries, and you tried ignoring them and kept pushing for something he wasn’t comfortable with, thus making him back off. That was your fault. Then after he had a breather he tried to talk to you to fix things, and you pushed him away. Then in this post you say hom backing away after you ignored his boundaries means he’s “weak headed”. You sound like you don’t respect him, and should let him move on.
In my experience, this is not how healthy relationships begin. If you are getting triggered after what sounds like a pretty short term relationship, I strongly recommend you seek therapy before starting any relationship. I say that with compassion as someone who went though life carrying around some serious trauma that had an impact on any relationship I had. Until I got the real help I needed. It sounds like this person has some healing of their own to do as well.
I’m sorry this happened to you. I know it can be hard to manage emotions when in a triggered state, and we aren’t always able to react in the ways we want to.
Personally, I think you should let this one go and take time to reflect on what led you here. Definitely keep going to therapy so these kinds of interactions don’t happen in the future.
I’ll be honest, I lived through this dynamic for 6 years with my ex. I felt for her, but nothing I could do would fix it. The push pull of an anxious attachment can be brutal on both people, and the reality of the situation only gets murkeir the more you try to keep it going.