Dear Reddit,
My partner doesn’t want to have sex very often. I’m a sleazy horndog who does.
My boyfriend (21M), and I (21F), have been together for 5 years. We’ve lived together the last 2 years. Ever since we moved out, our sexlife has been steadily declining, as is to be expected. It’s been a couple months since we last had sex now.
It’s been a struggle for a long time in our relationship that his libido is much lower than mine. I have rarely experienced him initiating sex, and felt rejected for a long time because of it. I try not to pressure him or make him feel uncomfortable when I approach him about the subject, but he’s pretty consistently replied that nothing is wrong, he just doesn’t think about sex very often, and typically isn’t in the mood. Welp, fair enough. We’ve tried to implement a few more intimate touches in our relationship because of my need for intimacy, but we rarely make out anymore. We kiss and cuddle a lot, but it’s mostly little pecks.
A bit of backstory: Two years ago I gained a lot of weight and my mental health declined, so our infrequent intimacy was actually a godsend for me and I’d resigned myself to a life of little to no sex. However, I lost the weight, I’m getting a lot more help with my mental health and my libido is now back.
Today I tried to make a move, but he declined the offer. I then asked him if there was a reason he wasn’t feeling up for sex, since we typically don’t go this long without it. He replied that he definitely didn’t feel that he looked his best, and that he felt unmotivated and tired of uni. He’s got half a year left of his bachelors degree and doesn’t want to postpone it. I don’t really know what to do to help him here. He has also gained a bit of weight, and while I find him extremely attractive, I know it bothers him, and I obviously know how it can make you feel uncomfortable in your own skin.
He’s been wanting to get back in the gym but hasn’t made any effort towards this (I dont blame him, uni is hard). I don’t have the money for a gym membership so I can’t join him there, and I don’t want to push too much on the topic in case he thinks I’m unhappy with his looks. He’s always been incredibly graceful and sweet with me, and I honestly just want to be intimate with my wonderful partner.
What can I do to help him? Have you experienced something similar, and did you find a solution?
TLDR: My partner isn’t feeling up for sex, but I’m not ready to completely write it off. I want to help him feel better, what to do?
2 comments
Can you drag him out on some walks or runs? Getting those endorphins pumping might help.
I will echo the other reply. Get him out and walking. Exercise increases a lot of hormones. The more intense the exercise such as lifting, the more it increases testosterone.
Exercise, even walking will help lift his mood and get his mind off of class. He sounds like he needs both.