30F with 30M, I saw that my boyfriend (we became official 3 weeks ago) had Hinge on his phone, although not ideal I was willing to talk about it. However, once I saw that he had messaged 1 girl the day before — him and I were having a tense conversation that quickly got resolved and he blamed it on that. The app was paused and he hasn’t messaged anyone else, but he’d also updated some of his pictures.
I broke up with him after his explanations were that “he wanted to try to make friends” and “his ex had cheated on him early in their relationship”. Was I overthinking this — I decided it wasn’t worth the effort and my peace was more important.
35 comments
It shouldnt be about to others to judge if you over react or not. Important is how that made you feel and you already said: “It isnt the effort worth” which you already made clear that you dont seem to regret your decision. Only keep in mind to take your time, because after relationsships we are as humans are extrem vulnarable to skip into the next relationship
You did NOT overreact. Absolutely not. Imagine using a tense conversation as an excuse for being active on a dating app and then coming up with even more excuses. What would he do if some real stressful times came up? And this kind of behaviour in a brand new relationship… this is his best behaviour – I don’t even want to imagine his worse. Enjoy your peace of mind. There’s a kinder, more faithful man out there for you.
Not overreacting. If he’s not already being faithful at three months, it will only get worse
People don’t go on dating apps “to make friends”… in other words he was saying he’s finding backups in case your relationship didn’t work and making sure to keep his options open. You *didn’t* overreact whatsoever. Your first instinct was to have an honest conversation and not jump to conclusions during which he chose to be dishonest and blame it on unrelated “reasons.”
I reckon he’s old enough (although that doesn’t guarantee maturity) to understand what commitment and respect is. You deserve to be with someone who’s committed to you just as much as you’re committed to them. You deserve better.
Girl don’t you dare let this no-good mf have you second guessing yourself! Who tf updates pictures and is trying to make friends on Hinge ? If this was FB- cool. But it’s a dating app used to meet available singles for hookups or relationships. This is not LinkedIn bro.
Think about if it was the other way around and you did this. He would probably have lost his shit. This jerk wasn’t worth your time.
It’s only 3 months into the relationship and he’s already doing this to you? This is supposed to be the best time, honeymoon phase. You did not overreact at all. Good for you!
dating apps are not to “make friends” bro was gaslighting you.
You did not overreact
You didn’t overreact. He was doing you dirty by being on there.
It’s your decision to choose what makes you feel comfy. You’re the one who settles the limits in your relationship. It is weird that your BF had a dating app because, cuz be honest almost no one use dating apps for make friends.
I used to have this BF, we were together for 3 years, and neither of us cheated (I want to believe). At the beg of the relationship I discovered that he had Tinder, we talked about it and he deleted his profile and the app, and I still trust in him cuz he demonstrated to me that I could.
So it’s your decision if you don’t feel comfortable anymore, broken up was the right decision.
You did not overreact
reacted appropriately
Not an overreaction, you two became official, shoe on the other foot, I would drop my gf if she was still “browsing” dating apps, it’s not only extremely disrespectful, but the lie that someone’s using DATING apps to try make friends is laughable.
Honey, I can see you value yourself. Leave him and find someone that will value you too. If he’s entertaining other women, it sounds like he isn’t as serious about this relationship as you are. The cheating comment raises a few red flags.
Sometimes when we end up in crappy situations, some of the traits of the other person rub off on us. It’s natural, we tend to pick up on habits of those around us. I have a friend who left an abusive situation and then became the abuser in her next relationship. I wouldn’t wish to hurt someone in the ways I’ve been hurt. They aren’t the people who hurt me.
He is projecting his feelings toward being cheated on toward you and is trying to justify his behavior. It’s not a good situation trying to move forward with someone who hasn’t healed from what hurt them. Let him go.
Under these facts, if that’s what really happened, no, I don’t think you overreacted. He was hedging his bets clearly. Now had you guys been exclusive? You say that you were, which involves an actually conversation of exclusivity. Had you also deleted your dating apps? If reciprocity was expected and you did your part. I’d say you were right. Maybe you guys will find each other again. Either way, be blessed.
Yeah…I don’t know. 3 months and official 3 weeks ago? Did you have a conversation on that official meant? Like delete all dating apps?
I could see getting amped and exploring. I don’t like his response of blaming basically you him making another.
You did the right thing. Listen to your gut. If it is not right, it is not it.
So his remedy to being cheated in the past is to cheat on you. And he thought that you were going to buy this story?
He’s trying to gaslight you already; like “I’d never cheat my ex cheated early in in the relationship” 🙄 “just looking for friends” (on a dating app). if it’s this early in y’alls relationship and you’re already having these types of issues, its a massive red flag 🙅🏻♀ save yourself a lot of hurt and misery.
Minor infraction. For a man this is actually pretty tame. Plus it’s early in the relationship. He’s still trying to adjust to being a couple. It’s not real to us three weeks in. If you like him and he has actual value then stay. Or…have some other guy cheat on you.
I’m a man and I’m telling u he is not serious
If y’all made your relationship official not dating apps should be on the phone.
He’s giving some bs excuses to cover his ass but nah that can fly if y’all agreed to be exclusive
Yeah *** him. Move on. Just feel happy you learned this now and not 2 years from now when he’s cheated on you with several people.
I don’t think so. His explanations don’t make sense. I think it’s a huge red flag.
I was with someone for 3 years, and I knew things were off, but he had the same explanations. “She’s my cousin, and I want more friends, ” it’s all BS. Trust yourself.
Ditch
No. You did the right thing. He’s actively on there looking for girls, and most girls aren’t meeting guy friends with gf already on a DATING app. Also pausing account isn’t deleting it. It saves all his profile info, pictures, matches and messages. He needs to heal from his past before I can move forward.. I wouldn’t go back to him
I think you read the situation correctly and made the right decision
No one goes to DATING APPS to make friends. So you did the right thing.
No I mean clearly he wanted to still talk to other people even though he committed to you and there’s no excuse for that
GIRL F**K HIM! 😂😂😂😭
Defo not … he’s keeping his options open still so that doesn’t sit right with your situation … you don’t go on hinge to make friends !
That was your decision to make and you were brave and wise to avoid heartache. That being said were you having sex?
Girl no. He’s showing you his red flags already.
He obviously hasn’t healed from his past. Tell him to seek therapy. And let him go!! This one incident (I know because I’ve been through this) will have you questioning the rest of the relationship.
you did the right thing. He was finna cheat on you
As a man that loves the Punani and will instruct men to hunt for it so, I agree that he was definitely up to no good.