My (31F) boyfriend (29M) told me I eat like shit and don’t exercise.
I’d like to preface this with the fact that I weigh 63kg, am 173cm tall and have a BMI of 21.
My boyfriend is constantly giving me snarky remarks that is really putting me off. The other day he commented on the fact that “I eat like shit and don’t exercise and am still skinny”. I’m starting to think he thinks very little of me.
I do all the cooking in the house, if I tell him I need a night off from cooking, he orders in pizza. I am a very good cook and love to experiment. I don’t see what I cook as being unhealthy at all, I love Asian inspired dishes, so for example, I might make a Thai rice noodle stir fry (loaded with veges), or bao buns with slow cooked pulled pork with home made slaw, or grilled chicken with sour cream and chive risotto, or creamy garlic and prawn linguini, or slow cooked lamb shanks with red wine sauce and mashed potatoes… you get the idea. I go above and beyond with cooking because as a child I grew up with an alcoholic single mother, who didn’t provide us kids with food. I remember having to eat butter on its own, and making my own “bread” from flour and water because there was literally nothing to eat. So now food is one area that I will not skimp on, he loves my cooking and will always have double the serving size of myself. Other then dinner, I eat pretty standard I think, maybe a couple pieces of toast for breakfast, or scrambled eggs, a chicken salad wrap for lunch – rarely have fast food.
When it comes to exercise, I ride horses, and anyone who also rides can tell you that it is most definitely exercise. He is one of those who claims “the horses do all the work”, so doesn’t see it as exercise at all. I used to be very into the gym, but we have recently moved, and I can’t afford a second gym membership until my first membership (in the old town) has finished. Additionally, I work with horses (reproductive biologist), it’s HARD outdoor field work. So, in my eyes, yes I exercise.
He runs around 10km 3x times a week, and goes to the gym 2-3x a week. He has stated that considers himself to “be in the top 4% fittest people on the earth”, to which I howled with laugher at. No idea where he got that number from, he’s fit, but not that fit…
How red are these red flags?
Edit: for those of saying I have a good metabolism/blessed genetics, can eat what I want. I think you missed my point. That’s not the case at all, I work HARD, and exercise. I’m not losing weight, I’m not gaining weight, my caloric input/output is balanced. If I stopped exercising I would most definitely gain weight, if i ate less I would lose weight.
27 comments
He doesn’t appreciate what you are doing, move on.
>The other day he commented on the fact that “I eat like shit and don’t exercise and am still skinny”.
Not only is he personally rude about you, but if you do the majority of the cooking, he is being rude about your cooking too.
Isn’t this him telling you that your cooking is shit? Yet he’s happy to eat what you cook, and take second helpings as well. His actions say your food is good. You know your food is good.
So why is he so insecure that he has started negging you and is trying to knock your self confidence?
On one hand, it might be worth having a conversation with him to see what’s going on here.
On the other hand, this behaviour is not acceptable and if there are other negative things he is doing, the relationship might have run its course.
It not a accident that he is negging you about your cooking g, as he knows it’s emotionally important to you.
Everything you do will never be enough, criticism in relationships without appreciation will only drag you down. Stop the cooking, stop the doing for this man, focus on yourself or walk away.
He sounds very insecure and immature. I wouldn’t stay around to see where this goes.
Sounds like he might be jealous. He thinks you achieve your skininess without any effort and he has to go to the gym and work out a lot.
I have no interest in marriage or kids and he knows this and seems to be fine with it. We have only been together for 10 months so I hold no real attachments, I could easily walk away at any point, which I think is also a big teller of the state the relationship is in. He has been vain from the get go, and I am 100% the opposite from that.
So red you can see them from a space station 😂
Top 4%?! What a drainer !!!
Please leave him.
So after approximately 10-12 months people’s mask will slip and you can start to see through the facade.
Queen! You can totally do better than this chump. I too, had alcohol parents. I didn’t have it as bad as you, we had food, but the emotional neglect was there. So I salute you and am proud of you, how far you’ve come and chosen a better life for yourself.
You nurture yourself with good food. Choose a better partner and you can continur this nurturing. Your soul needs a good lifepartner. You deserve it. x
can confirm, riding horses is definitely exercise. God I hate those people, they just want to make themselves feel better for doing “real” exercise. As if there’s more skill required to run laps than to make a 700kg animal who doesn’t speak your language understand what you want him to do *sigh*
I made my bf ride my horse and after like 10 minutes of just *walking* he was already tired, your bf is full of shit and is putting you down because he is insecure and doesn’t want you to have enough self esteem to leave him
It sounds like he’s calling you heavy without actually saying it. Yeah that’s a red flag. It basically says if you actually get heavy he’s going to leave.
Your bf is full of himself and doesn’t respect or value you. You can lose 190lb quickly by dumping him in the trash 🗑️ where he belongs.
God what a prick. Are you getting anything positive out of this relationship? Even if it’s not abuse or anything it’s still not a healthy dynamic and your bf sounds like a super draining person to be around. The constant one-upmanship seems so exhausting honestly. Maybe it’s time to just start cooking for one.
It honestly sounds like he hates you, which is not good
he sounds like an idiot and your cooking sounds amazing, be with someone who can appreciate you
Top 4 percentile, hueh hueh hueh he is delulu.
I was an athlete when I was young and my friend had a horse, and I can tell you my track-thighs felt the burn whenever she let me mount him. Also requires a lot of core, and I’m sure a bunch of other things.
«You eat like shit»? Sounds like you eat like royalty. If you ever dump that wet towel, me and the girls would like to come over for bao. We’ll buy the groceries, do the dishes, bring the wine.
The real question is why your partner is putting you down? It’s not nice to have conflict in the home, and if he feels so inadequate he needs to lie about being a superhero and shit on someone who has the care to cook for him, he needs to figure that out, not wear you down.
Haha anytime!
I feel there is a lot of jealousy on his part. He always tells me that it “sort of” annoys him that I love my job, and I have a lot of free time to do my hobbies (I really don’t but not in his eyes lol). I’ve spent 10 years at uni, earnt my PhD, pushed shit up hill the entire time. I’ve earnt my happiness and I know it.
Seems like an entitled, self-serving prick. And a child. Because who the hell tells others he‘s prob in the top 4% of the fittest people on earth 😭 He sounds so full of himself. Plus you cook for HIM aswell yet he criticizes what YOU eat?! Am I missing something here? You seem perfectly healthy and balanced with your eating and exercise habits. He just seems like a ridiculous dude to be around.
i have 2 horses.. just CARING for those big idiots is enough exercise!😂 i genuinely felt at my fittest when i was riding multiple times a week
That reminds me of another reddit post where the boyfriend tries to break his gf’s self esteem bc of some red pill shit. Anyways, you sound amazing, OP! I’m drooling just by reading about what you cook haha. I think whatever the reason, his behaviour is coming from his insecurity and you don’t have to put up with that.
BMI 21? whatever you are doing you are doing fine! and even if you weren’t that’s not the way to address it. I’ll give my own example: last year i weighed in at 106kg (very obese on BMI) my SO addressed it, that even though I am very huggable that she would like me to lose a bit for my personal health, I did, fast forward a year , i am at 75kg now. and I couldn’t have done it without her help, the way your SO addresses it doesn’t seem very helpful but more degrading.
>My boyfriend is constantly giving me snarky remarks
>I do all the cooking in the house, if I tell him I need a night off from cooking, he orders in pizza
>He is one of those who claims “the horses do all the work”
>He has stated that considers himself to “be in the top 4% fittest people on the earth”
>___How red are these red flags?___
So to summarise: the things you like doing and are passionate about (your appearance, your cooking and your job) he puts you down for on a regular basis.
He ups his own opinion and has an over-inflated self perception.
This isn’t so much “red flags” as “the guy is a narcissist”.
Do what you will with this information but unless you lay it out to him he can’t keep treating you like this and actually _acknowledges_ the problem? I’d be moving on in life and not waste another second of it with him.
I mean christ on a bike I would give my actual arse to have someone so dedicated and passionate about cooking making my meals as varied and fantastic as your sound – where he gets off giving you all this negativity for absolutely no reason I cannot imagine short of him being cripplingly self-conscious of how inept he is in each of these departments himself or something.
You sound cool and sexy, he sounds jealous and lame
For the other Yanks on the thread
63kg = 139obs
173cm = 5’8″
‘ I might make a Thai rice noodle stir fry (loaded with veges), or bao buns with slow cooked pulled pork with home made slaw, or grilled chicken with sour cream and chive risotto, or creamy garlic and prawn linguini, or slow cooked lamb shanks’ – I’m a heterosexual woman, but marry me?
He sucks. I’m 167cm and 61kg, so around the same as yourself. I don’t ride horses, but I go gym 4-5 times a week and eat pretty similarly to you, I’m not overweight or unhealthy. He sounds immature and insecure af.
Those 🚩🚩are crimson! He’s really not worth your time.
BTW: you sound like an excellent cook. Can you please send us some of your recipes?
Sounds like negging.