I don’t know where else to go for help with this.
I’m struggling to feel safe with my husband and trust him because of my CPTSD. It’s not because of him explicitly, although we are both aware that he has an avoidant attachment style and tends to get defensive and that triggers me often.
We’re having fights every weekend and many week nights. It’s emotionally and physically exhausting. I’m having trouble having patience with him on his slow progress with personal improvement.
I’m also working actively on myself, so I feel it’s a fair request that he work on himself. I’m in therapy twice a week and I have a psychiatrist. I’m currently depressed and anxious and not on medication yet, but I’m asking for it tomorrow at my appointment with my psychiatrist.
I really can’t say whose fault our marrital difficulties are. It’s both of us. But I feel I’m putting in more effort.
It’s complicated further because I immigated to his home country and we have children. I cannot leave this country because of our children and custody laws, and my family wouldn’t be much support at home either. I don’t have much support here and I speak the language only at an intermediate level, so job opportunities and access to care and friends are limited.
I feel like if I could trust him more, we could be happier. But I’ve never had a healthy or safe relationship with a parent or partner before him. Our marriage isn’t perfect, but we are both committed to working on it and love each other deeply. I just can’t trust him still. It’s not his fault. It’s my parents’, my ex’s, and other abusers’ faults.
It’s just so hard to live like this. I’m afraid we’re causing our oldest to act out because of the bickering and arguing. I cry so often that my 23 month old says “mommy cry? Mommy sad?” And kisses me. I feel immense guilt. I often consider leaving to releave the pain.
Will this ever get better? Can anyone relate?
2 comments
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I relate and i’m going through the same thing. I also have mental health issues that have affected me since I was a kid and even at the age of 29 it’s a struggle to get a handle on everything. My anxiety is slowly destroying my relationship but it doesn’t help that fights with my husband are constant and physical behind closed doors. I don’t have the means to leave but if i didn’t have my kids I surely would have left by now. My husband is disengaged and spends most of his time playing video games. I feel hopeless most of the time.
sorry I rambled but you’re not alone. Make a plan for yourself so that if things don’t improve you can get the hell out. continue working on yourself. that’s what i’m doing.