should i (f25) believe my husband (m26) when he says he doesn’t want kids
Hello everyone.
My husband and I have been married for 2 years now and we have been together for 4 years.
At the beginning of our relationship we made no mention of wanting to have children because we started dating and living together pretty quickly. But, about 18 months later, my husband started talking about kids. He said that one day he would like to be a father, and he always mentioned this is what he will do when he has a child. That he didn’t want to end his father’s line because he is an only child. Except I don’t want kids. I felt so bad that I decided to talk to him about it.
He told me that it doesn’t matter at the moment if I don’t want children and that we’ll discuss it again a few years later, and maybe I’ll change my mind.
During this time, he kept mentioning the subject of children. I knew I wasn’t going to change my mind. I knew for almost 10 years that I didn’t want children and I had no desire to change for any reason.
Last year, I decided to put in an IUD, because we had no contraception. And I think that awakened my husband a little. We had the conversation about kids again and this time he mentioned that he didn’t want to have kids anymore. That he hated them etc.
I told myself that maybe he might have change his mind because of me. And I wouldn’t want that to happen. I don’t hate children. I just don’t want to have one.
A few months later I knew that the IUD did not suit me. I have gained 20 pounds, have mood swings and all other kinds of symptoms. I decided to keep it, but I explained to my partner that in the future I was considering getting my tubes tied.
And then he got angry, telling me that it was too radical. With that, we had another conversation during which I reminded him of my desire not to have children and then he became completely saddened and we ended the conversation.
Since then, we haven’t talked about children. He says all the time that he doesn’t want them and remains completely neutral about babies when we see them. For example, when I find a baby cute, he tells me that he thought I didn’t want to have one. Indeed I don’t want to, but that’s no reason to hate them.
So, I’m lost. Should I just believe the fact that he said that he really doesn’t want kids and continue to live our lives with a doubt in myself that he is lying to himself.
Or I should try to talk to him about it again to find out what it really is.
His parents expect to have grandchildren.
And he already mentioned a surrogate mother. But the thing is, I don’t want kids at all. Even if it is carried by a surrogate mother.
I’m completely lost.
1 comment
Do you think his mother and father are pressuring him? If his choice was another woman who wants kids or you, it appears he has picked you. He could still be somewhat sad about it and that’s okay.
If it comes up again, I would ask if his parents are always asking when he will provide an heir. It’s none of their business regardless but he needs to tell him that he will not have children.