My (M25) gf (F20) of 1 year recently started a job as a waitress and already during here first week the boss asked creepy questions like “Have you every had interqourse?”, “Your eyes are mesmerizing”. He also gets very personal and they don’t know eachother. She told him that she was uncomfortable talking about this and the boss said that he won’t talk about it again. She is young and beautiful so i’m used guys hitting on here but this is harassment rather. She can stand up for here self thankfully but still.
When she called me and told me this i got pissed and wanted to go down there and talk to this douche. She said shes so happy that she got a job since shes been unemployed and can’t afford to lose it and asked me not to do it.
I told here that this is a big warning flag and that he crossed the line big and already after a week and it probably will escalate to physical. And that she should find some other more serious employer, but she she likes the other co-workers and the work itself.
**What’s your advice on how to deal with it?** If it happens again or if he gets physical i want to go down there and beat him up but of course it will have consequences.
TL;DR: How to deal with creepy boss.
8 comments
You’re just going to have to sit back and do nothing. It’s her boss, she is the one who has to handle it.
What you could do is offer to pick her up when she has a late night shift so she doesn’t get stuck around her boss.
Insecurity is the root of all evils. Have faith in your girl that she has told the guy “No” I feel uncomfortable. Yes, he cross the line, but in today society, men (the pigs), not all of us are like that, want one thing, a young girl. Something my father told me, the boyfriend, the spouse, the partner cant tell someone where to work, when to work etc. Let her be independent, it sounds like she doesn’t pay attention to it, I am sure if it gets to chaotic, she will report. The wrong move would be you going down there to beat a guy up, you cause problems for you, your GF at her new job and then you might blow your relationship with her. its not worth it and again, based off what I am reading she already took care of it..
The whole machismo “i want to beat him up hurr durr i am big stronk” is so tired, unoriginal and unhelpful.
Instead of focusing on that focus on *supporting* your girlfriend. Jesus christ, the fact that I even have to tell you this when every dude I know already knew better than you at 16.
You literally say in your post that she can stand up for herself. Unless she *explicitly* asks for your help you need to stay out of it.
First, this is not YOUR problem to solve. I get that you want to protect her. I’ve been married for 28+ years and love it when my wife actually wants me to step in. That’s the thing though… If you’re always stepping in before she’s had a chance to deal with it, she’s going to start seeing you as controlling and insecure instead of supportive. So… don’t do anything directly unless specifically asked to.
What you CAN do is be a sounding board for her. Let her vent about the guy. Let her talk about what he’s done lately. And before you make even a single suggestion on how to handle it, ASK her what she’s done or plans to do about the problem. If your girlfriend is anything like my wife and a lot of other women I know, she will tell you things not because she wants a solution from you, but because she just wants to vent. There’s a chance she’s already thought of the things you might suggest as answers so you definitely don’t want to frustrate her by suggesting things she’s already done or tried. If, after getting her input, you feel there’s a suggestion you want to make or an idea she may not have had, ask her if she’d like your thoughts but be ready for her to say no. Ultimately, you need to trust that your girlfriend can handle her issues when you’re not around.
What you can also do is be available for her physically. If she wants or needs a ride to/from work, do that even if it might be inconvenient. If she wants to call you when she’s done with work and stay on the phone until she’s in her car leaving, then make sure you’re available for that call.
And finally, if she does ask for your suggestions, some things to consider:
– The best time to find a job is when you have one. Sure, she just started but that means she can skip over the jobs that wouldn’t be better than what she’s got now and focus on the ones that would be an improvement.
– She might want to get a small notebook and write anything he does down with as much detail as possible. Date, time, where it happened, if anyone else was around, and what was said. If she needs to take a response to another level (i.e. the owners, another manager, dept of labor complaint, etc), having those details will solidify her position.
– She should look up the recording laws in your area. Do you live in a single party recording location or all party? If single party, maybe consider a voice activated recorder for outside work in case he tries anything in the parking lot.
Your behavior is tired and annoying. You only have to support your girlfriend, but she has to deal with it.
Anger management classes for you.
Yeah obviously dont go charging in there during business hours. But I’d be pretty upset to hear my gf felt unsafe at work because of her boss. Sure, it’s her problem to deal with, but she’s young and asking you for help and reassurance. It’s not “macho” to make your presence known the next time you pick her up from work. He’s creeping on your gf because she’s young and he thinks he won’t be held accountable for his actions.
I’ve had gfs with creepy bosses and coworkers before. I would generally show up a few minutes before her shift would end to drive her home. Happily chat with everyone while they wrap up, be known. I’d recommend you do this too. Don’t let your gf get stuck alone with this guy, always be prompt when you pick her up, and he’ll probably feel way less empowered to make a bad move on her.
Mmmykay, so I agree with everyone stating that you barging in is not a great idea, but I heavily disagree that she should just deal with his behavior.
Have her start writing down every interaction where he’s inappropriate with dates and exact details in a journal solely for this purpose including every time she told him she vocalized her discomfort. Keep track. Write EVERY offense down. In the mean time she should look for other employment opportunities, but this will at least help her keep a paper trail and she could potentially get his ass canned in the end for what he’s been doing. You guys could even (and probably should) reach out to a lawyer cause this isn’t just odd behavior, asking sexual details like that is actual harassment. And the fact that he’s her boss and she’s obviously already ready to just accept it for the sole reason that she needs employment is exactly why laws against this sort of dynamic exists.
You should take this question to a legal subreddit and get their opinion. It is completely unacceptable for your girlfriend to put up with that behavior. He’s already crossed a line that’s illegal. He can’t just act like ceasing the behavior is enough, him asking if she’s ever had intercourse should’ve never happened in the first place.