My husband (45M) and I (35F) have different ideas on how to get out of debt. We’ve been together for 9 years and married for 1. I am good with making a few sacrifices and I have not been opposed to selling unnecessary things and taking on side jobs to meet my goals in order to shorten the time it takes. I am also not a huge fan of credit/loans. My husband wants to take a more leisurely approach and not make any sacrifices. He also says that we should put all of our “personal fund” money on a credit card and pay that card off every month. While I understand where is he coming from with getting our credit score up (which btw is not bad…not the best, but not bad), I don’t like my money having strings attached. He is so confidant in his ideas that he has even gone as far as telling me that when it comes to debt reduction and all that, that ‘its just math and I am smarter than you’. When I point out how extremely rude and arrogant that statement is, he counters it with ‘oh no no, I mean you are smarter than I am in some things’. When I bring up that I can get a part time job to tackle some of the issues, he vehemently refuses and says this will cause a divorce because we would never be able to spend time together and that I can not handle it and he doesn’t want me to push myself like that.
TL;DR – Trying to get out of debt and Husband likes credit while I hate it, need advice.
3 comments
The actual biggest issue here is that your husband called you stupid and threatened to divorce you if you got a part time job. Your relationship is not healthy. If you’re going to stay together, you should get counseling- when it comes to the financial stuff, if you can’t agree then you should keep your money separate. My husband and I do put most of our expenses on a credit card that we pay off each month, and there are both perks and downsides to doing things this way- no one way to do things is automatically the best.
Let’s set aside the unacceptable “I’m smarter than you” attempt at justifying his position.
But I’m a little confused by the situation. On paper, your husband’s plan is pretty normal and common: you have your budget and purchase in your budget using a credit card, and pay off the balance monthly. As a benefit, you raise/maintain a credit score, and whatever benefits the credit card issuer provides (cash back, airline miles, etc).
But it is not a scheme for paying off existing debt. It can be something you do while paying off existing debt (since you will still be buying stuff while paying off debt). It’s just an ancillary issue.
So if y’all have debt, your plan is looking at your budget for places to make cuts and maybe pick up a side hustle, and his is …. What exactly?
The divorce thing is crazy – I’d really think of if that’s an acceptable way for a partner to communcate with you.
What does “He also says that we should put all of our “personal fund” money on a credit card and pay that card off every month” mean exactly?
I could see this being really risky debt wise if he means spending on all your desired items and slowly paying them off each month at a high interest rate. But if he means doing normal, monthly spending on credit cards, but treating it like a debit card and always paying it off and NOT spending money you don’t already have, then that’s actually a great way to establish credit (though you’ll want to stay around a 30% utilization ratio, I am not a financial advisor).
Financial differences are one of the 3 top reasons for divorce so it’s not a small thing. Is suggest talking to a financial advisor if possible since both of you could be wrong depending on your goals. Then maybe couples counseling for communication.