I’m currently doing my first year of A levels in college, and I’ve become sick of sitting inside playing games on my pc all day. I really want to go outside, meet people and maybe find a new friend group (I feel as if i’m growing apart from my current friend group and they prefer to just stay inside and chill on their pcs which I understand). This has proven hard for me because whenever I socialise with someone I haven’t known for ages, I feel like they’re very subtly trying to make fun of me or just weirded out by me.
I am aware that I could probably go out and meet new people alone, but I feel like if i was alone and approached someone who i thought looked like someone id get along with, they’d find me weird and that would ruin a chance of having any sort of friendship with them in the future.
I have a problem with reading very strongly into small things, for example, 2 people that I met 10 minutes ago making eye contact and trying not to laugh when I say ‘nice to meet you’ to another friend of theirs that they introduced me to.
I feel like certain things I say are just weird to normal, social people, and cause them to view me as weird. For instance, sometimes i feel like i’ll say something rude by mistake and offend someone, or i’ll just completely kill a conversation by saying something that the person doesn’t know how to respond to. Because of this, whenever I’m in a social situation with more than 1 person, I tend to sort of lock down and just not speak at all, which also makes them view me as weird so I’m basically caught in an awful loop.
Once i believe it’s been cemented that i’m weird to someone new i’m talking to, i’ll feel as if they’re always talking down to me (if that makes sense?) and speaking to me like i’m lesser than them. Like a child almost.
I’m not sure where this issue stems from, or anything like that, but i’d really appreciate some advice on progressing socially as i feel like this is the main thing holding me back from making new friends.
3 comments
Therapy can help with this. Look up CBT and find someone to talk it out.
Well I don’t think that those feelings you’re having are not weird at all. It’s normal to feel that way, you can’t expect to like everyone you meet and you can’t expect all of them to like you. The insecure feelings that you have about yourself is just because you don’t practice enough, you have to go out and explore, and if you mess up it’s no big deal people that really like you would forgive you if you did say something that offended them. Try to enjoy the conversation and quit psychoanalyzing everything that is going on because that is distracting you from being yourself. You need to build up your confidence and self-esteem in yourself and when you do that you realize that a lot of people are weirder than you are.
“but i’d really appreciate some advice on progressing socially”
What would you like to happen? What would you consider a step forward that would significantly improve your life?