My 27F sister 26F made a friend (Steph 26F) at work a few years ago, they were good friends, and eventually Steph told my sister she had a crush on her. My sister isn’t gay so she said she was flatter but that she didn’t feel the same. They stayed friends for a while until my sister determined that Steph was toxic and treated her badly.
During the time Steph confessed her crush, my sister had introduced me to her and we had also become friends. I spoke to her about my sexuality because she had recently come out and we were good friends too. Though after my sister rejected Steph, she said she thought Steph had treated my sister less favourably and had started treating me better.
Anyway, a few days ago, Steph confessed to me that she had a crush on me and thought that I’d been ‘giving off signals’ that I liked her too. This is untrue and I apologised to her if I had given her that impression, but I’d actually been trying to distance myself from her as her behaviour is quite toxic.
It seems to me that she has mistaken co-dependence for love, but I’m not sure what to do or what to think. Please let me know if you have had a similar experience or what to do. I was going to keep her as a friend but just see her less often, but now I don’t know what the best thing to do is.
Thanks for your help.
2 comments
Stop being friend with her if she’s toxic
I think you’re on the right track, being friends but seeing less of her for a bit and playing it by ear. Just do what you’re comfortable with and remember that you aren’t responsible for other people and, indeed, don’t have the training or knowledge to deal with their issues in a productive manner anyway. It’s OK for you to walk away and never speak to her again, if that’s what would make you feel comfortable.
Steph clearly wants to be in a relationship. She’s casting around for someone, anyone to love her. I feel sympathy for her. But there’s nothing you can do to help her in her quest and, if she’s toxic, the biggest push to fix that is going to come from being single and having to improve herself to find someone.