I’m always conflicted about whether I should chat a little more or just ask her out. I’ve seen girls complain about guys not asking them out soon enough and girls complain about guys asking them out too soon and I have no way of knowing which type I’m dealing with. Which is the majority/safer bet, build lots of rapport first or just ask out asap?
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Something i have dealing’s with as well
What I say is don’t focus so much on when you ask them out but rather make your intentions known from the beginning. Like a day or two after you’ve met and you know you’re into her.
Every girl is different, so you’re gonna have to guess. I’d say within the first week if it’s obvious you’re into each other. I’d say it’s less about the time and more about the “vibe”.
IRL sooner is better.
Online build a rapport first.
I prefer a few questions about basic compatability, then ask me out. It’s hard to maintain text convos when you’ve never even met
I usually chat for about a day and the next day I ask them out. If you wait too long, she moves on because she has other options and perhaps some who have been messaging her before you. You don’t want to be penpals, you want to meet which is the point and prolonging is not going to make the meetup any different.
Ask them out after a few messages have been exchanged over two or three days unless the messages are just flying back and forth and then you can ask sooner.
Women who make you message them forever and put excessive barriers in the way before going out just to grab a drink are usually very difficult to work with over time. When I have managed to set up a first date with women who “want to message a little more before getting together” even if we do go out and it goes well, getting any second or third dates scheduled was like pulling teeth, and totally not worth the effort in the end.
Are we talking about dating apps? I want to go out. I’m 45 if that makes a difference.
On dating apps I’d ask within a few messages. Obviously not everyone was into it but I did get dates regularly.
If you’re not sure, why not try testing the water a little? Rather than flat out asking, drop a hint or two. If you’ve been chatting/texting try something simple. “This has been going really well, I wonder how we’d do in person”. It gives her an easy out so she doesn’t feel cornered , but gets your intent across.
There really is no one answer for this. Every girl and situation is different. Some will appreciate a direct approach, others will respond better to subtlety, others still will prefer to take matters into their own hands and ask you out. The best thing you can do is read the situation and figure out the best way to handle it.
I think it just depends on how she is. I’m a girl and the opinions of my girl friends are 50/50. For me, I prefer a guy to ask me out once I realize that it could actually go somewhere. This rarely happens though and I end up asking them out instead lol. In my experience most guys never get a girl asking them out so they jump at the opportunity when a girl asks them XD
I would say shoot your shot if you think things have a chance of going anywhere, and read up on some psychology and body language stuff that girls do when they’re into you if you can. Guys are pretty oblivious so that might be helpful in giving you direction, best of luck!
I usually bring it up in the first convo like flirt a bit talk but then be straight up don’t wait
Here’s the trouble with a lot of dudes— they want a single answer to the question. Which question you ask? Doesn’t matter which question, they just want to settle the matter so they can move on and not have to worry about doing it wrong.
well here’s your one size-fits-all answer for every one of these questions: you have to cultivate the social skills that tell you when something is appropriate or not
Go with your heart
I think that perfectly shows you that there is no right answer. And the fact that you can’t tell which type of girl is in front of you? Keep in mind that half those girls will give one answer to that question…and then give the opposite answer when the day or hour changes. Quit over thinking and do it the way you want. The right girls will say yes just bc they get a chance to hang with YOU
We should always know that there is a desire for us so that none of that ‘friend zone’ stuff starts to develop. All of us are different as women, but sometimes guys talk themselves out of being with us. Sometimes we are thinking ‘just shut up and make a move, ask me out, something!’. Other times, we aren’t ready just yet. It can vary.
It’s funny. We might complain it’s too soon for one guy and then not soon enough for another. So yeah, it can be confusing because situations can be so different.
It’s always best to build rapport as quickly as possible and then ask. I know it might not be the clearcut answer you are looking for, but you just have to get good at reading the signals that we are ready.
If a guy asks me out in the first few messages it makes me think they don’t get many matches/dates and will just ask anyone out, nothing to do with wanting to actually meet me. At least a couple days of consistent messaging I’d say is appropriate. If you talk nonstop after matching then same day is fine.
Better to ask her out sooner than later. If she says no, she could always change her mind after she gets to know you.
I always prefer if someone asks me out asap. You can only get so much from chatting online.
I end up asking after a day, if they want to meet up for a coffee.
It just depends my dude. You gotta catch them at the right time, one question too much and you screwed up and you’re off the radar until next time. One question too soon and then you’re probably just trying to get in their pants and don’t really care about them and you’re off the radar until next time. The key is to read their minds so you know just the right time to shoot your shot and hope for the best. Personally I’m to damn shy for my own good so I tend to take to long and usually blow my chance. But meh , you win some you lose more and you live to try again.
The safest bet is asking them when you’re sure they want it. It’s also your job to do enough quality courting that you’re sure they want it….. or in my experience the better you treat them the faster they SHOULD ask “what are we”. Them asking you “what are we” is the best option.