I feel like such a hypocrite
Me (18m) and my girlfriend (18f) have been together for almost 11 months and recently i’ve started to see a change in myself.
I am no stranger to things like drinking a lot, smoking weed, shisha, etc. and neither is my girlfriend. She does all those things and used to vape as well (i never vaped), she also has tried out cigarettes more then once, but hasn’t since we started dating (i hate cigarettes). The issue here is, about 4/5 months ago, my whole viewpoint on weed and alcohol kinda changed, like suddenly i woke up one day and just no longer had any interest in either act, especially weed, (i still get drunk here or there at friends birthdays but no where near to the level i used too). Because of this i decided to quit smoking weed, which has been pretty easy tbh but that’s not the point of this post. My girlfriend hasn’t quit anything nor have i asked her too and now whenever she tells me she’s smoking, or drinking or doing shisha i get like really upset ? i get almost grossed out, or the ick i guess you could call it, and i know i have like no right to feel this way cause I used to smoke weed, and still drink from time to time and also have smoked shisha as recently as like 2 and half weeks ago, but i can’t help but feel this way when my girlfriend does it, and that’s really frustrating cause like i don’t have any standing, or reason to be upset right ? Like am i just sexist or is it something more like since our relationship is getting more and more serious i start to see these things as stuff i don’t want in a long term partner.
I really wish she wouldn’t do this type of stuff which i know is such an unfair belief and wish to have but i honestly can’t help it, i don’t know what to do cause the more i think about it the more grossed out i become. like i genuinely find the thought of her doing this kind of stuff (specifically anything smoking related, drinking ain’t that deep) so disgusting and just i don’t like it at all.
Any advice is appreciated, thank you
5 comments
Just remember that up until a little while ago, you were partaking in all these “gross” things. It’s cool that you’ve changed your mind and it’s cool if she doesn’t want to. Just be honest with her but don’t expect her to stop like you did.
It seems you have an issue with smoking and that’s your right. However, unless you can recall feeling that aversion from when you were younger (like… did your mum smoke?) it’s likely you can’t change how you feel.
If you can, therapy might help?
If it’s just something that has developed, seems like this girl might not be the one for you.
that is a normal reaction. flossing, working out, having a clean and tidy enviroment are some examples for that. once people start doing it, everyone that does not do it seem gross, lazy etc. it is normal, you do not need theraphy. however you should talk to your girlfriend about what changed your mind and viewpoint about weed and other substances. maybe be an example for her, rather than seeming forceful.
I don’t think you’re a hypocrite, I think you’re in some of your most formative years where you figure out the adult you want to be and what your values are. Here comes the hard part: Everyone’s values aren’t going to line up in a way where you can be partners. Drug or alcohol use are frequently examples of those. Differences in religion is another popular one. Realistically, she’ll probably never stop, or not within the next few years at least, because it doesn’t cause an issue with her values. Also, you probably think you’re more subtle than you actually are. She probably knows you disapprove of these things at this point, because nobody really asks anything “just to ask”. I think what you really need to do is talk about it, but to be honest, you might not be compatible anymore, and that’s ok too. You’re both only 18.
It’s good to improve yourself for yourself if she is interested in doing the same that’s a great conversation to have. If she isn’t interested and you don’t want to “relapse” persay it might be best to move on