I saw a video of people speaking about men being/not being vulnerable. Environment, surroundings, acceptance were some of the points they spoke about.

So wanted to ask, when was the last time you allowed yourself to be vulnerable? How often do you allow yourself to be vulnerable? Who’s one that you might talk to?

Update: vulnerable, in this case, is allowing one to express their emotions, fears, weaknesses, inner struggles, and not conforming to societal norms of all that masculinity is thought of.

37 comments

  1. I am regularly and entirely vulnerable with my girlfriend. And I make a strong effort to embrace empathy and emotional availability in my day to day.

  2. i’m very vulnerable with my wife, i had a good example as my dad is very emotionally available

    it concerns me when men in this sub talk about how it’s not ok to cry infront of your long term female partner or even friends, that’s not healthy

  4. I’m overly vulnerable at times. I’m surrounded by good people though. Some know my deepest trauma, some just know my minor insecurities or mental health struggles, I talk a lot though.

    I lost a good friend who wasn’t able to open up. I miss him every day.

  6. I never, at least not anymore, “allow” myself to feel or show things like vulnerability and it’s never been a problem. I’m a pretty open book, I can talk about anything and people can ask me anything.

  7. All the time, man. It’s exhausting to hide your emotions and not deal with them. Just makes things a lot easier to speak honestly and be vulnerable.

  9. Never and I hate it. It’s actually lonely as fuck.

    The last ever time? Probably with my ex but he beat it all out of me. I haven’t cried in like 3 years, last time was with him.

  11. I can be vulnerable with my bros even more so than with my family. Last time, probably when my dog died of old age two weeks ago. Cried for a couple of days.

    I can share anything with them and not be judged. We’ve helped each other though family and relationships problems for most of our lives.

  12. I had a pretty vulnerable conversation with my fiancée just last night. It’s crazy how much better it makes our relationship.

  13. I am a run director for Run for the Cure in my town. I’ve never spoken in front of a group larger than twenty people. I emcee’d and got up in front of over 300 people. I let everyone know it was my first time and just went for it. I felt vulnerable being on stage in front of that many people.

    Great question.

  14. Lately? I’ve been to my first therapist and my first AA meeting. I cried for a few days before and a few days after. Tomorrow is work as usual, and I am dreading, but also excited for the meeting I have on Friday.

  15. As a male – I try my best not to be.
    Nobody will respect a vulnerable male where I live and it’s very frowned upon, even if told otherwise.

  17. This past weekend was the one year mark of the passing of my mom. My girlfriend was there and sat down next to me and hugged me when she saw a tear make it’s way down my cheek.

  18. I surround myself with people who love me, I never feel like I have to keep my guard up. Of course, I use common sense, if I’m having a problem that I can fix on my own I don’t trouble anyone. But if I need to I always feel like I can go to my friends or my girlfriend.

  19. At my mother’s 80th birthday. I knew going into it my speech would not finish. I was thanking my entire, massive family, and mom, for adopting me.

    I still got up there, tried as best I could, and cried dead ass in front of like 25 people. But I knew I had to do it, and be vulnerable because I needed to say what I said.

  20. Just two days ago. It was the anniversary of my Mom’s passing. She’d had cancer for 7 years and I had a group of five guy friends who, after my wife, were the folks who had my back – coming to visit her in the hospital, talk on the phone, vent, whatever.

    I sent them text just appreciating them, how much of an impact they made on me and, through supporting me, on my Mom, and how I would always be there for them and that I love them a lot.

  21. Years ago with my ex, then months later during an argument she told me she was upset she had to worry about my emotions and mental health (she had severe depression so its not like she didn’t have issues as well) So I’m not doing that again.

    Only Reddit knows my problems and even than not all of them in case someone I know IRL finds my profile.

  22. Uhhh, when my uncle died when i was young crying on the couch. 6th grade i think, after i had a spiral of bad stuff and just learned to keep a wall up permanently, doesnt help that society doesnt like men who are vulnerable or show weakness.

  24. Rarely. I feel like showing vulnerability often is an easy way for people to take advantage of you.

  25. I’m vulnerable with close friends, but I recently moved, and I’ve found I’m way more guarded here. Probably just because it’s still new to me.

  27. Last time I was vulnerable was about 8 years ago. As a result I was stabbed in the back by my closest friend and ostracized from my friend group. I went from a solid group of friends I would die for to nothing overnight. Never again.

  28. The problem isn’t that men are telling each other to man up… The problem is that the people who are trying to get men to be more vulnerable are the ones who react horribly when men open up. In their mind… The problem is the men… And that reaction to ANYTHING the man will say is precisely why he stays silent.

    We are not prepared to treat men like their feelings matter… And they have learned to respond accordingly. Anything that visibly upsets him must immediately be reframed so that he understands that everything is his fault…. And nobody else has to treat him like a human.

    I can talk about how I feel just fine…. I just know that I can’t show that it affects me. My emotional reaction will be attacked and invalidated on sight. Whoever is talking to me will either tell me how horrible I am for feeling that way…. Or they will explain why those feelings aren’t valid and I should have different ones. So yeah…. I can talk about how I feel all day…. As one would describe a historical battle or a mathematical concept. I just can’t show that anything upsets me…. Because in everyone else’s eyes, it is my responsibility to suffer for THEIR feelings. I’m a man. Nobody else is to blame.

    All the guys going around telling men to be cold…. Are just trying to help them avoid making the mistake of being vulnerable in front of the people telling them to open up. That is the reality.

  30. I use self deprecating humour as a tool to express vulnerability. I think it’s a defence mechanism to hide the sadness with funny 🥲

  32. a) A couple weeks ago, I felt really sad and hugged a pillow and shed a tear while lying on my couch. Does that count as vulnerable?…I live alone.

    b) When I was ~27, I was lucky enough to have a wonderful girlfriend. We were perfect for each other, but we were both in grad school and very stressed. We hit a rough patch, and one evening she convinced me to share what was *really* bothering me. I caved and listed all the things causing me stress (none were her). Six months later, she broke-up with me. Her reasons? She listed a bunch of things that were causing me stress.

    c) Right now. Me proof-reading and then pressing “post.”

  33. I’m reminded of an old joke told by comedian Paula Poundstone:

    “Ladies. We tell our men that they need to be willing to be more vulnerable. We tell them that they need to be more in touch with their feelings and feminine qualities. We tell them that it is OK for men to show emotions and OK for a man to cry.

    Later we come home from work and see our husband with his head in his hands crying on the couch. Then we think “What a wimp” and go and sleep with the guy next door who has a Harley.” 😉

  35. I’m not in a good place where I can afford being vulnerable. I can’t think honestly of the last time where I *could* afford to do it either.

  36. Tried that once 2 relationships ago. She left when I started crying talking about everything I was going through work. I’ve quit that job and in a much better place now but I’ll never cry again in front of a partner. They just can’t see you the same way again.

  37. Never. I’m perfectly happy being the stoic man that doesn’t lose my shit when things aren’t going my way.

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