**EDITED TO ADD: Thank you all for your advice. I chatted with my husband about this topic again, and we have agreed that I not go with the other guy. Instead, my husband is willing make a weekend trip out of it and take a bit of time to visit his family that is in that area. My hope is that my husband will make future trips like this with me, but it will ultimately be by myself unless he thinks it’s interesting (that and if the baby is okay with it). I’ll just need to take a breath and drive if I want to go. Again, thank you so much for your input and helping me think it through from his point of view and from an unbiased standpoint. **
So, here’s the rundown of the situation. The herding instructor is about 3.5 hours away. I have two dogs that I would like to get back into herding lessons with. There is an older guy at my local dog club, who is also my instructor for a competitive obedience class. This guy has offered to take me because he does herding as well. The downside is that my husband will be watching our 9 month old and thinks that it is sus that I am going with an older single guy to take dogs herding (I get it).
My first thoughts are: I get to save on gas, this person has a big enough vehicle that I get to travel with both dogs (and their dogs), and I get to go herding. I get a day to myself, with my dogs, without my baby. As horrible as it sounds, I haven’t had a ‘free’ day like that since before the baby was born and I want a breath of fresh air. My husband reminds me that the entire situation is sus.
Background: I am 33 (f), married with a 9mo. baby. I have gone to these herding lessons with the same person at least 3 times in the past (only with one of my two dogs). I have offered to take my husband with us but he declines and says something along the lines that the hobby is boring and he doesn’t know why I like to do it. It’s like watching paint dry. However, he also says in the same breath, that he wants to see the class at least once (now with the baby). I get dogs are not everyone’s thing. For me, they have helped me through depression and have given me an outlet to actually go out and meet people and try new activities like herding. I’m frustrated that I can’t get a solid answer from him. I went the previous times because he didn’t stress the sus bit and said I could go… but he still would comment that it was odd, etc.
I don’t know how to make him feel comfortable without just not going altogether. I can’t really take the baby on a 7 hour road trip, in a single day, in a Honda Civic (my vehicle) with two dogs. He’s bound to complain once we get there and I don’t want the herding instructor to have to deal with him being grumpy about being somewhere he doesn’t really want to be.
The only upside to the situation is that he has family that is relatively close to the area that he can take our baby to. However, that defeats the purpose of making him feel comfortable about me taking classes with the older guy.
The number 1 option I see is I drive myself in my car on a day and time that I set with the herding instructor. That means that I take one dog because I can’t travel with both in their own crates in the Civic. That defeats the purpose for me because I want to be able to take both of them. I also hate driving, which is why I like the idea of travelling with someone else.
I would like advice to think this through. This is a hobby I like, and unfortunately, the only other herding instructor is about 3.5 hours to the east. I’m at a loss.
Thank you for your advice in advance!
6 comments
Is there anyone else who can accompany you with the dogs and you drive yourself
Sounds like if you value your marriage, you will uphold his request. I’m sure there are alternative ways you can fulfill your passion, but marriage is about compromise. As long as he is also willing to compromise when you make a request.
Define older guy. Is he 80 or 36? By definition, both would be older.
You do need to reverse the roles in your head and ask yourself if you would be comfortable with it. And as a man in his fifties who loves his wife, I wouldn’t trust myself with a younger girl (pretty) that I shred a hobby passion wit alone for 7 hours. Perhaps, your husband, as a man, understands how “most” men’s brains work.
Agility person here Take 2 folded up travel crates food water poo bags etc and put in your trunk and buy 2 dog seat belts it’s a harness that hooks into the seatbelt and keeps both dogs seated in a seat like a person works for everyone
Why not have the family in the area come over? Have some lunch with them etc. Make it a family get together situation. Relaxed social time, while also pursuing your hobby. They can join for moral support, and catch up.
Your husband is concerned there might be something going on, it could be a case of paranoia.
Having a family picnic and catch up as part of the herding can be a good thing. Then near by would help alleviate some of the issues