Hi 🙂 So I’ve been dating this lovely guy for 3 months now. I’m very into him personality wise, but lately I haven’t been enjoying sex with him.
And at first it was crazy good, couldn’t keep our hands off each other, so interested in each other, all the fun stuff that I am well aware fades over time. But I’ve been in several relationships, lasting 1-3 years, where I was able to maintain strong sexual attraction for each other the entire time, so I know it’s possible even if it’s not to the insane degree as at the beginning of the relationship.
I’ve been trying to figure our reasons why I would be losing attraction. The first thing that pops up is the nonstop burping. He eats really fast and he is burping every few minutes from the moment he wakes up til the moment he goes to bed. At first I guess he held back a little, but now he’s more comfortable and every moment is filled with nasty rumbles and belching. Even when he closes his mouth it’s gross. When he burps when kissing I really lose all desire and purse my lips shut bc I don’t want to taste the burp. I’ve asked him to eat slower but he says he’s been scarfing food since he was a kid and can’t really change that habit.
He is also very “go with the flow,” which I also describe myself as, so I was excited at first. Then I realized that this means everything we do has to be selected by me, because he does not care what we do. It’s definitely a turn off when we hang out and it’s always “I don’t care, what do you want to eat/watch/do?” He was way more proactive at the start and now it’s like I have to make the plans now that we’re in a relationship.
He’s also not that talkative, which I knew from the start obviously. But he does not often compliment me, which I have expressed to him is very important. He says it doesn’t come easily to him, and why would he tell me things that are obvious like that I’m pretty or smart. He is making an effort after our recent conversation which I appreciate, but I’ve learned from experience if something doesn’t come naturally to someone then it never will and it’ll always be a struggle. He is very physically affectionate though which is nice.
These are all pretty minor issues but I’m just concerned that my sexual interest is decreasing so early on. I like this guy a lot and he has many great things going for him – loves animals, has a great job which he has a drive to advance in, extremely cute, in therapy to work through issues and become a better person, cool hobbies, keeps his home clean and tidy, respectful toward women, similar views and interests. I feel like if I keep ditching guys for stupid stuff like “burps on me during foreplay” I’m just going to end up alone due to my own pickiness. I’m just bummed I’m already losing attraction and not sure what to do.
Any thoughts or advice?
TL;DR: Losing sexual attraction and interest in my man due to his constant burping, apathy towards what we do with our free time, and not being verbally affectionate enough.
4 comments
If you’re at the point of asking Reddit for advice after only 3 months, move on! He might have all sorts of positive traits but so do a lot of people – if you’re losing interest it’ll be for a reason. You’re only 26 and this is hardly a long term relationship, why waste more time if it’s not right? Go looking for someone awesome who *doesn’t* belch while kissing you. Ugh.
It’s only been three months; dump him and find someone who doesn’t have revolting manners.
Ngl I think I’d be turned off too if my gf were to burp while kissing me. Also, I understand your frustration on you making most of the decisions for the two of you. It gets exhausting after sometime. You should tell him these things along with u wanting a little more verbal communication, not just for your own benefit but for him too. He will notice soon enough of you losing attraction to him. Communication is key to this just like how Jar Jar Binks was apparently the key to the Phantom Menace. I’m not gonna lie tho, it does sounds like the two of you just may not mesh well enough together, I mean you’re only a few months into this relationship and you’re already having doubts, that’s probably a sign that this relationship probably isn’t it. Doesn’t hurt to at least try and talk about it though. See how he reacts and acts, then move forward from there, whether that’d be continuing with the relationship or breaking up.
Don’t feel bad – it’s just not a good match. These are all fundamental things about him that are unlikely to change. It’s okay to realize you’re less compatible than you thought when things were fresh and new.