Hi!
We (32f /33m) are engaged and planning our wedding and we have two opposite ideas.
We are from different countries and I live in his country.
I have about 10 family members so I want to have a small wedding in my country (his family is about 3-4 people so we can cover the cost too if needed).
He wants to have a wedding or party in his country and invite everyone (friends, colleagues, family etc).
But there are some reasons I’m very hesitant.
1. I don’t dream about wedding
2. I don’t feel comfortable being the center attention unless it’s my very close friends or family
3. I personally don’t like his friends
(They have very local mindset and they often don’t include me in the conversation so I stopped hanging out often. – sorry if I sound selfish)
I know it’s also his day, but I can’t imagine being happily standing there with his friends on the special day. I would feel like I’m at his friend’s event, not mine.
So I would like to elope, or just have a family only event in my country and inviting his family, or not have wedding at all and just take nice photos.
If his friends want to come to the wedding in my country, I’m ok. But at least I feel much safer around my family.
He doesn’t know the actual reasons why I’m hesitant to have such wedding (regarding his friends). I just told him I prefer family only because I want to it very intimate.
What would you do if you were me?
3 comments
Not to be too dramatic, but doesn’t a part of you think that the inability to agree on the wedding might indicate that building a life together might prove even more challenging?
I had a small and intimate wedding with my husband for the same reason as you list number 2. We were also a long distance couple that united in a third country. So it was either to have a small intimate wedding here where we both have limited network or getting married in his home country where his mother wanted to have a 1000 people large traditional wedding.
I don’t like being the center of attention especially with people whom I don’t know or barely know. I told my husband that due to that the wedding day would be pure torture for me if we would have the wedding in his home country.
The wedding is ultimately for the two people who are getting married and if one or both people feel uncomfortable on their wedding day, it is no longer the celebration it is supposed to be.
So all you need to do is give your reason number 2 and stick to your guns. Your concerns and feelings are valid.
Why aren’t you communicating your actual reasons to him?