Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost 2 years and we both have extremely different conflict styles. I tend to have more of an avoidant kind-of style. For example, if we start fighting, I’ll want to walk away until I’m able to rationalize my feelings and explain exactly how and why I feel the way I do, whereas my girlfriend wants to scream at me until she feels better.
This conflict style is not something I enjoy, but something I have merely gotten used to. I tried expressing that I don’t like it, and it makes me upset, but nothing changes. She wants to scream at me and then explain how she was feeling after the screaming. I just have learned to deal with it because according to her, she is unable to change it because that’s just who she is.
I didn’t mind this until it started being the result of other situations as well. For example, when she is mad at herself for forgetting something or messing something up, she will scream at me. When she is stressed, she will scream at me. No matter what, any time she is anxious, stressed, or angry, she is taking it out on me. I have tried expressing that this is not acceptable and I am placing a boundary, but she just once again, says she can’t change it and will try to just avoid being near me when upset. I don’t like this either, because of course I want to be there for her when she’s upset. But not when she’s going to scream at me.
So I guess what I’m needing advice on is whether or not this is normal behavior. Am i being overdramatic by not liking this? Is this just something that relationships are like? Because looking back, this was also how my parents were when I was growing up. So, have any of you guys experienced this?
3 comments
>she is unable to change it because that’s just who she is.
She absolutely is able to change it if she really wanted to. No this is not normal behavior. This is abusive behavior and it sounds as if it is escalating. Sounds like you realize even your parents were abusive to each other when you were growing up.
You want genuine advice? Don’t stand for this shit. Not now, not ever.
Having been in that exact situation in the past, my advice is to break up. You are never going to be truly happy.
It’s not normal and it’s not ok. She’s an abusive bully. You should leave her and find someone who doesn’t scream at you. It won’t be that hard to do.