I (m27) am very kinky and as many other men have multiple fantasies. On the other hand my SO (f26) does not. This is exclusively about verbally communicating about sex, exploring certain topics and themes in conversation, not the actual act. The topic of sex is sporadic and when we do talk about it, it’s a fleeting moment. It’s not that she won’t talk about it with me but the conversations are not engaging, as she could “take it or leave it”. In some cases I realize it is unlikely to fulfill most of my fantasies, but i like the idea of talking about them; these conversations don’t tend to be very engaging almost absent minded, she would just listen. It’s not that she won’t communicate about what SHE likes, she will (she’ll tell me exactly what she likes, how she likes it and what she didn’t like all of which I appreciate). It’s more of when I’m taking about my fantasies and kinks and trying to explore them with her. It’s gotten to the point it feels like I’m “confessing” which is the opposite of fun.
Has anyone had this happen? Is there a remedy?
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My wife had a conservative background, and does not enjoy talking about sex. We found that text or email makes it easier for her. This has then opened doors to make actual talking easier.
Sometimes it helps to try and make it fun, instead of a conversation. Try playing truth or dare. They actually sell a truth or dare game, i think cosmo has their name on it. Pretty sure it’s from spencers or you might be able to find it on adam & eve website. It could help
I don’t date a man that won’t communicate with me about what he likes in bed. If I get all the generic answers “open to anything, love whatever, I always conform to my partner” I just move on.
Here is what has worked for me: Add it into foreplay, or if you both enjoy alcohol play a fun drinking game around it. For the first one you could massage her clit while slowly ramping the questions up from “does this feel good?” To “does it turn you on to think about me doing ____ to you?” Women tend to open up more when they are excited it just takes time to get them there. Secondly, a little booze will lower inhibitions and doing a wyr or never have I ever might make it fun and not seem like a serious convo to her. These are what has worked for me, and good luck!
It sounds to me like you want her to WANT to, but she has a flat response because it just doesn’t work for her.
Perhaps asking her to role play (pretend) that she’s into [whatever]. You’d likely have to give her lots of specifics of what that would look like to you.
Not everyone has the capacity to act or the willingness.
Separate out engaging in verbal fantasizing for sexual arousal and fun from the very different effective communication about sex, sexuality, etc.
I think it might be worth considering what you are hoping to accomplish by sharing them. I don’t mean that you shouldn’t, but what’s your goal in discussing it with her? Are you wanting to talk about it to get things started? Are you just wanting to share so she knows you better? Whatever your reasoning in, it’s TOTALLY fine. I was still pretty prude until college and it made me uncomfortable to discuss certain things (a big reason is I didn’t have any background doing that). So I had a college boyfriend who wanted to talk about it practically all the time. I finally asked him what he wanted from me during these discussions. It removed some of the pressure from trying to figure out how to respond. I can receiver the information. Not try to compare myself or think through if I would be open to trying something. I think communication here is your friend.
Sharing your reasoning for talking about it. Share how you have been feeling (hey it’s felt like I’ve been confessing to you and it’s been non very enjoyable and ____). She just might not be open to the kind of discussion you are, but at least you’ve been given some clarity on it, while expressing both your rationale for sharing and how you are/have been feeling about it.
Idk-just a few thoughts!
You can’t *really* expect *someone else* to get excited about **your** fantasies/kinks, unless they happen to share them.
What is it you’re expecting/hoping for here?
Not sure what you’re after. If they’re not her thing, they’re not her thing, and trying to get her to pretend she’s as turned on, inspired by, and excited by them as you are is totally pointless.
In fact, it’s kind that she’s fine with listening to you go on about them, that’s a nice thing for her to do for you.
Almost daily. Kinks, last nights sex and sex in general.