Long story short… I (33F) just got out from a 14 years relationship, 5 years of those years, marriage. It’s been 3 months and I want to start seeing people. I joined Tinder but I feel weird about it, a little too conscious about my appearance, and a little scared to meet a psycho lol.
The thing is, my ex was my one and only serious relationship, lost my virginity to him, and before him I’ve only dated 3 other guys. On top of this, I’m bissexual and have never dated any girl, and for some reason I feel even more self conscious matching with women.
I live in another city in another country, I don’t have single friends to hang out and help me navigate through singlehood (long term couples attract a lot of other long term couples to their circles, god…) and I’m kinda freaking out! Should I go by myself to bars? Should I match with people on Tinder and try to see how that goes? I wanna have fun, but I don’t know how to… Help!
3 comments
As far as the matching with women, fake it until you make it. You’ll be happier in the end rather than regretting not exploring a side of yourself that you know is trying to come out. I just started matching with guys and one day I felt ready to reply to one of them. I’m much more comfortable in relationships with women but I’m about equally sexually attracted to both genders. I almost feel like you women would have it a little easier in this department just because the guys are going to be coming to you, even if you are not particularly attractive.
As far as how I got my introverted self to socialize once in a while, believe it or not, exercise, meditation, and weed. Was also doing yoga and hoping to work that back into my routine. I would say they all actually helped. If you feel balanced inside, you’ll respond to situations better. But then again, I’m probably a special case with my neurological issues.
I don’t want to give you a script because every person is different. I know I hate it when the date falls into almost like a job interview where you’re asking questions over dinner 😂 be creative, explore yourself in terms of hobbies. Make a date of it by just inviting somebody along. It doesn’t have to be anything that’s officially a date to start out. I sometimes like to take them hiking, which is something I do every day. You’re just starting to get back out there. I remember what that was like after a nine year relationship.
Join some groups online that interest you and interact with others. You’ll meet some people and it’ll flow naturally. Tinder, from my (28M) experience is better for hook ups than actual relationships so it really just depends on what you’re looking for.
14 years, and you’re over it? Some people took years to heal from them internal wounds. You can do whatever you want, but for me, I don’t do dating apps. Be careful and good-luck.