I (18f) have been having doubts about my bf (20m) we’ll be together for 3 years in January. When we were dating the first probably year and a half was good. He would ask me to hangout/make plans himself, showed me affection, would ask about my day, told me he loved me all the time, etc. Now the past few months/year he hasn’t tried at all. He doesn’t ask about my day unless I do first, he rarely says I love you unless I do first, I’m the only one that ever asks to do anything, never wants or shows any affection. I’ve communicated this to him lots of times and he’ll try a little better for a few weeks then goes back to how it was. He never wants to come to my house or do anything with my family when they’ve been nothing but nice and welcoming towards him and he just claims he wants to stay home but he’ll only come over if I’m home alone and I’ve told him how that makes me feel. I’m tired of being the one who has to initiate everything. The past few weeks my brain has just been telling me I need to break up with him but idk what I would do without him. We are each others first everything. We both want the same things for our futures and have the same interests. I’m not happy anymore, What do I do to help fix this or should I just give up?
TL;DR my bf and I have been together for almost 3 years, the beginning he was good but now he seems to not care whatsoever even though I’ve brought my thoughts up to him many times. How can I fix this or do I just give up trying?
2 comments
So I cannot speculate on WHY he is behaving this way, but luckily what really matters is that it doesn’t make you happy. What I would say is give him an ultimatum, one that’s as “realistic” for him as you want it to be. Like give him one or two of these points very clearly and wait for results. If he doesn’t change things or if he pretends to change things, you’ll know that it’s time to end it, regardless of why he reacted the way he did. Or you can just say screw it, ultimatum is just a suggestion. As of right now, it sounds like you’d be happier single. At least for a few years anyways, and until he comes back a different man. Plus, re reading it…am I out of line for asking if you mean he uses you for sex? How that makes you feel is an instinct you should listen to. He likes having the label of gf and having the gf to fall back on, but for whatever reason, he doesn’t put in the work to make her happy. tbh I am off an edible right now and just want to end with this: somebody who is in love with you would NEVER wanna make you sad. they should feel horrible if they hurt your feelings. this does not sound like love anymore. and also, somebody who is in love with you would give a damn about knowing ur family!
Hey, your story reminds me my previous relationship. We were together for 5,5 years and I was 23 when we broke up. The situation was exactly like this and I was thinking exactly like you until I told him to break up. It was very difficult for me because I loved him but I didn’t regret it at all! At the beginning it was difficult but after a few months I thank myself for breaking up with him.. He’s not gonna change. And you are too young to settle for something so toxic only because you both want the same things for your future. You will meet many guys that your values will align and you will get the things that your present relationship lacks of!