I really need some advice here, and to know if I’m in the wrong.
I(36m) met, we’ll call her June(36f) in July of 2019. Her and I hit it off really well right off the bat. We went on all sorts of adventures, did exciting things like going to sporting events, car shows, theme parks, all sorts of stuff. We both got along really really well, but we both let our pasts get in the way of what could be. I broke it off with her a few months after we started dating because neither one of us was ready to be in the type of relationship I think we both knew we wanted in the long run. Mistake number one, was having her move in with me very early on, I was trying to be a nice guy because she really didn’t have anywhere else to go and didn’t have a place to live. Mistake number two, was having her continue to live with me after her and I had broken up. We actually made pretty good housemates, but there was always that tension there. We both were dating people, but not in relationships with anybody for quite a while after that.
In July of 2020, my cousin, we’ll call him Eric (36M), also moved into the house as he needed a change of scenery and a change of career and wanted to live in the same city that I’m in. I really didn’t think much of it at the time, and never felt like I really had to worry about them ever dating… Boy was I wrong… About 6 months after Eric moved in, him and June started hooking up behind my back, which I later found out June had told him it wasn’t a good idea and what would Brad think and that they should talk to me first. To which he replied, “fuck Brad”. That line was told to me originally by June, and then confirmed by Eric later on. It was one of those things that I told Eric, I would forgive him for, but never forget, especially coming from family.
Time moved on, I got into a relationship in October 2021, Eric and June became official shortly thereafter, and things seem to be okay for a while. Until June and I started going at each other’s throats. I can’t explain why, and neither could she really. But today we both agree. It was because there was definitely unresolved feelings and things between us.
Eric has never been one for relationships, he doesn’t want marriage, doesn’t want kids, is pretty introverted and socially awkward. I don’t fault him for that, the career he left to move to the city really left him with a very jaded and skewed view of humanity and reality, not to mention he had someone in his life that really hurt him very badly. Eric and June ended up breaking up about 3 months after they had gotten together. He said he had broken up with her because there was too much drama between the, at the time, four of us. He said he felt like he did what was best for everybody. But things never improved.
June and I continued to fight pretty consistently over stupid things until September of 2022, at which point I had enough. I knew what I needed to do and it wasn’t easy for me to do. I needed her out of the house. I knew it was the best thing for everyone, and it was the only hope of saving any friendship between June and I. As my name was on the lease along with Eric, I told Eric that June needed to leave the house. He agreed with me, and didn’t put up a fight about it, and so I did one of the hardest things I ever had to do to anyone and served her eviction papers giving her a 60 day notice to vacate. Her and I had a lot of discussions after I served her papers, and in November of 2022 she left.Things in the house sort of improved? But not really. The girl I was dating ended up making some foolish choices, and those things came to light the same weekend that June left, and her and I ended things and she left too.
Fast forward to March of 2023. I forgive easily and I don’t like fighting with people for very long. I reached out to June to see how she was doing and began reconnecting and trying to heal a fractured friendship. Slowly but surely things got better. She ended up coming to the city in April to visit some of her family, and asked both me and Eric separately if we would be able to grab lunch. I was the one who accepted the offer, and I picked her up and took her to lunch. It was at that lunch as I was sitting across the table from her I realized I had gotten butterflies, which I did not tell her about until much later. Eric had declined her offer to grab lunch or even meet up with her. The only reason Eric and June had seen each other while June was in town was because she asked if she could go by the house and see my dogs who she had grown very fond of while she lived with me. I asked Eric if it was okay if I brought her by to see the dogs as I knew he was home, and wanted to respect his space and his feelings. He said it was fine. We all grabbed lunch on a separate afternoon, and everything seemed okay.
June and I continued to chat and heal what we both thought was a broken friendship. Come August, I decide to tell her I had gotten butterflies at lunch after she had told me that she had gotten butterflies at that same lunch. I told her that I would like to come visit her at some point and maybe her and I could talk about the possibility of getting back together in the future.
After June moved out, Eric repeatedly had told me that he never wanted to be in a relationship ever again and that they’re just not for him. I can’t fault him for that, relationships aren’t for everybody and I get that. He said that he respected that I still did want to get married, have a family, all that jazz.June and I spent hours and hours over the next few months chatting through text messages, talking on the phone, playing video games together online, and trying to see if there was a possibility of building something, and we both agreed that there was.
All that got turned upside down this past weekend. Eric and I were watching football, I was having a beer, he was having cocktails, and we each had a few as the day went on. At one point in the evening, June messaged me asking if Eric was drinking, I said yes why? She responded that Eric was spilling his feelings for her, but she felt like it was just him trying to get closure, but I knew better.
Eric came home from work yesterday and sat down as I was working in my room, and told me about what his plan was for this weekend, and that next weekend he was going to wear June lived. Lived. Asked him if he was going to see her and he said yes. I kind of let it go and shrugged it off, after all, they were friends too and I got that.
Last night as Eric and I were watching TV, the program had finished and he turned off the program but left the TV on. He sat there quietly, not doing anything, which is usually his cue for ” hey I want to talk”. So I opened up dialog and asked him what he wanted to talk about. He said he wanted to know if I had any questions about him going to visit June to which I replied No I pretty much got it. I told him that June had kind of filled me in on what he had said the other night when he was drinking, and Eric told me that he had been doing a lot of soul-searching and realized that he still had feelings for her, and that they had never gone away. My heart sank because him and I were both feeling the same way about her. Over the course of the last 7 months since her and I reconnected, I had grown feelings for her and I wanted to be with her.
I told Eric that him and I had a dilemma then, and I filled him in on what her and I had been discussing.
I never ever would have started pursuing June had I known he still had feelings for her, but all this time I’ve sat here thinking that he never wants to be in a relationship ever again. But now we are in a terrible spot, because both of us want the same person. But June has made it clear and told me last night and today that she wants to try and make things work with me, that she truly feels that I’m a better fit and match for her in the long run because of our matching personalities, wants and desires in life, and interests. Neither June nor myself ever thought that Eric would play into everything to this degree, but both knew we would have to talk to him before we did anything or made anything official as a sign of respect to him.
We are in a position, the three of us, where one of us is going to be hurt, or all three of us are going to hurt. And if all three of us hurt, I feel like there’s going to be nothing but resentment between me and Eric, but if one of us is with June, the other one is going to hold resentment.
I feel like this is a no win situation for all of us really, and I don’t know what to do. I’m not going to get into everything with Eric, but I feel like more often than not over the last few years. I have sacrificed my happiness on more times than I can count to try and make him happy and welcome in the house, only for it all to be worth nothing, as he says he’s miserable in the house. I have always had a problem with Eric’s lack of communication, and inability to talk about things that are important to him or matter to him. I wish he would have talked to me about this long ago, as had he talked to me about his feelings before she moved out of the house, it would have changed everything drastically. He has never once spoken to me since they broke up about his feelings for her, or the feelings he still has for her since she moved.
Am I in the wrong if I continue to try and pursue things with June? Or is it better if both Eric and I walk away from the whole situation with her?
Thank you to those that have read all the way through, I look forward to hearing everybody’s feedback, and if anybody has any questions, please feel free to send me a message. TIA!
1 comment
Fuck Eric.