Hi everybody, wondering if someone might be able to guide me on this.
So I (29M) feel like with one of my parents (relationship length = my whole life š ), I get frustrated because they donāt appear to respect my time. They ask for help or want to discuss something and simply jump right in whenever is convenient for them without much regard for whether Iām available. And naturally I usually indulge them, but what starts off seeming like a simple question ends up being a longer discussion with no end. And what they should have done is asked when Iād be free to discuss that particular topic with them. (This is all in person)
Any one instance is so small that it doesnāt feel worth bringing up in the moment because it would appear as if Iām making a big deal about nothing. But when it keeps happening again and again over time, it makes me feel frustrated, upset, and confused how to address this behavior.
The term that comes to mind almost feels like āmicroaggressionāā¦ little things that slowly add up and affect you over time.
But the term microaggression usually has to do with race, ethnicity, and minoritiesā¦ is there some other term to categorize these types of seemingly insignificant occurences in a relationship that add up to significantly negative feelings?
TL;DR! Is there a term similar to āmicroagressionā but when itās a repeated action a family member does that makes another member feel bad?
Thank you!
2 comments
Well, I don’t think it is easy to bring this as one single subject.
Any time they ask you something and you can’t deal with it now, you should block at that moment “sorry I’m busy, we talk later” (no asking if you can talk later, just stating a fact).
If it is something you wanna hear, you can say “hey I’m busy but I got a couple of minutes”. Then if you feel the conversation is dragging on you are allowed to say something like “sorry, I have only a couple of minutes. We can talk later tonight.”
I wouldn’t focus on the past with them (maybe if they get too pushy), I’d focus my energy on being assertive (can’t do it right now) and correcting the daily small things.
I’d explain this as an example of a “pattern of behavior.”
You could certainly sit down (when calm, not in the moment) and explain that you see a pattern of XYZ behavior and that it is frustrating to you and that you’d like them to do ABC moving forward (or you’ll follow through on **some boundary** you establish).