Hey all,
First time posting here so bare with me. I also added a TLDR at the bottom of this post.
So the thing here is that my MIL has always had a dream of starting a business but she has been having problems with money and lost the ability to actually sign a lease or even start a company. The initial idea here has been that me (24M) and GF (25F) start a business together which we’ve had talks about and both find really interesting to do this kind of stuff together. Then we let her mother work there as kind of the main chef/manager while we handle the management and other stuff going behind the scenes. The business idea would be a restaurant and since MIL has always loved cooking food and would love to have a place of her ”own”. Since she can not do this by herself, we want to really help her achieve this dream while also pursuing our interests of owning a restaurant together.
Now a little background about the ex. He was together with my gf for a long time and he of course became family to them. Although separating because this guy according to what my girlfriend told me was stuck in life. He was working a basic low paying factory job without any intent to ever study or had absolutely no ambition or goals in life. The only thing he had going on his life was the girlfriend at that time which made her really anxious because according to her words he was not capable of making his own decisions or find anything to do in life.
Now we have been together for almost two years which is a really short time but we have a really deep connection because we knew eachother back in school and dated then also for some time before her family moved away and we were young so you know the drill here. After that I ended up working in the military for a while but after getting out, we reconnected because she was back in our hometown. We hit it off like we had known eachother for all these years and nothing had changed. We were really happy and are to this day. We are financially in a good position and we just love eachother really much.
Now the problem is that after their breakup, he has been hanging around with my MIL and SIL. Today my MIL asked my GF to talk with her ex about opening the restaurant. The three of them together. My GF, her ex and MIL. I was not a part of this proposition. This made me really confused and feel a little sense of betrayal. I was just flat out left out of this proposition even though being genuinely interested in this idea and also going to look up possible premises for the restaurant together with my GF and MIL. I know that my GF is easily affected by the talks and opinions of other people and I can already guess from previous experience that she sees no problem with this until I tell her how it looks and how I feel about this situation.
I just have no sense of direction regarding this situation at the moment. I am not angry or anything like that. I just feel a little bit off about the whole situation. How could I address this and am I wrong for seeing this as a betrayal or something like that. To be honest if the situation was reversed I would straight out decline. I would not want to work together with my ex on a business while I have a partner who also has interests for this stuff. The whole situation just seems off.
Any ideas on how to handle this situation?
TLDR; After my GF and her EX broke up, he has been hanging around with my MIL and SIL. Today my MIL asked my GF to talk with her ex about opening the restaurant. The three of them together. My GF, her ex and MIL. I was not a part of this proposition. How should I feel about this?
10 comments
You need to have an open and honest convo with your GF about how you’re feeling left out and uneasy. Make it clear that you thought this business idea was a partnership between you two and her mom. Lastly, stand your ground and if you’re uncomfortable with the ex being involved, say so and figure out if this restaurant dream is worth the family drama.
Tbh I feel like you dodged a bullet on this business idea. It’s not very safe to invest heavy into a partner you’re not married to yet and what if you did? Now you see how she is.
Tell your girlfriend you’re not comfortable with this. Frankly, I’m surprised you’re all in on this restaurant idea at all: it’s hard enough to be successful when you’re a trained chef who also knows how to navigate the business side of things, never mind if your most notable qualification is “I just really love to cook.” Even setting aside the personal complications, inviting someone who has no more direct experience than you do and a lousy track record of professional follow-through in general to be your partner does not bode well for how this venture is going to go.
Wow. Run away. If she’s easily led by her mother and her mother is shit with money how do you think this is going to end?
Are you prepared to keep bailing the merry triumvirate out every time they fuck up while being an outsider in their little party?
>we let her mother work there as kind of the main chef/manager
That sounds like a terrible idea. How are you going to fire her if she’s incompetent, or won’t take direction from your gf because “she’s the mom”?
>my MIL asked my GF to talk with her ex about opening the restaurant. The three of them together. My GF, her ex and MIL. I was not a part of this proposition
You haven’t even employed her yet and she’s already undermining you. She’s not interested in working at your restaurant, she’s planning to run the show.
You need to have a very serious conversation with your gf about whether this business venture makes sense and how she sees it working. Including the role her mother will play, and how you’ll handle disagreements.
>we want to really help her achieve this dream while also pursuing our interests of owning a restaurant together
I personally would not risk my finances and a potential business venture by involving a family member with poor boundaries and an inability to manage money. Also, she’s your gf’s mother, is this really something *you* feel strongly about?
This has a lot of red flags and that’s even ignoring the ex stuff.
Forst of all, cooking in a restaurant isn’t the same as cooking for family and friends even if your MIL likes it a lot.
Second, this was an idea involving your MIL, your gf and you, but they left you out, I think this by itself is even worse that involving the ex (wich by itself was pretty concerning too).
I hope they don’t expect you to pay a dime and I don’t know what a bum like your gf’s ex can be helpful to that restaurant.
I might be reaching, but I think your MIL likes your gf’s ex a little too much, maybe she wants him to get back with her, and this restaurant may be a way to solve that “ambition” problem he has.
My husband loves to cook and started years ago a chefs training. He stopped it after few months because cooking at home and in a restaurant has nothing to do with each other. We have still big menus at home sometimes but both will never be chef.
So think good about investing in a hobby cook.
And I would say you should talk to gf about the ex because that is something that i would also not like and don’t invest in people who don’t think properly about money /business
FULL STOP.
This is going to be a fuckin disaster.
It will not succeed at all.
This is categorically wrong. Your MIL is an idiot. Do they have any idea how hard it is to run a successful restaurant? Not counting the work environment where they’ll always be around each other. This is fuckin dumb dude.
If you wanna stay with your gf or stay sane – don’t let this happen.
Restaurants have a classical attrition rate that’s stupid high. 90% of the time – nobody makes money to sustain themselves.
I’ve been in the bar/restaurant and casino business for a couple decades. This is fuckin stupid. Stupid
INFO: Were you going to put your own money towards this venture? And does MIL expect your money to be used in a business you’re not apart of, but your GF ex is?
She’s done you a favour, I suggest you watch a couple of seasons of Gordon Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares which is full of people who open restaurants who like to cook, that doesn’t make you a chef or a good business partner.