Hey guys,
So at work place we have kinda friends crew, sometimes we go for drinks after work, talk a lot and yesterday my colleague , let’s call her Sarah, texted me that girls go to the bar after and she will go with them probably. Nobody invited me so I let it be…I was little sad about it but I was thinking maybe only some of them will go. Today in the morning I found out that everyone was there. Some of them asked me “Oh u should also come.” Well I I would if I was invited.
When I asked one person why they didn’t invite me she told me “I was texting u but u didn’t reply”. Well she was texting at 11pm about work problem which I decide to answer in the morning. And after she said “And Sarah said u are sick”. So for me it was like she was hiding the fact that they didn’t want me there.
When I asked Sarah she said to me that she was asked to join them so she didn’t feel like she can invite somebody and that when she came there they asked her why I didn’t come.
Like this kinda pissed me off. Nobody told me but no one really said “Hey sorry we forgot to let u know” and instead everybody was just like “It was fun, u should come!” Even one girl was after like “U really still angry that u didn’t come yesterday?” with funny tone in voice.
Honestly this all made me sad. I thought we are friends…I feel like I don’t want talk or hang out with any of them again. I am I overreacting? Cause I don’t just believe they forgot to invite me.
20 comments
Yes you are overreacting. No one is going to invite you to every place. Sometimes you got to ask “what are y’all doing…can I join you guys”.
Before i can even read this , you overthink because you take everything seriously, u wrote a lot of shit about something that happens, and will sometimes happen with a future friends work.
Instead of thinking: they should have done more to invite me, try thinking: what could I have done differently?
If a friend says ‘we’re going out’, why not ask if you can join?
The fact that they’re actively telling you they had wanted you there says so much and is so nice! Don’t ruin it by being sour about it.
Well now you know that you are invited by like literally everyone lol, for the next time they hang out, even if you’re not directly invited by someone. which is great!
They hung out once, they will hang out again. Sarah just screwed up this time and didn’t invite you cause she didn’t think she had the authority to, when in reality everyone was expecting her (or someone else) to. People wanted you there, but miscommunications happen and people mess up sometimes.
I’d advise you to let this one go and don’t let this get in the way of forming good friendships with them for the rest of your time at your workplace. Best of luck to you 🙂
Your invite was when Sarah texted you to say all the girls go to the bar after.
Why do you think she sent you that, just to rub it in your face?
You likely responded in a way that made it seem like you weren’t interested in going and so Sarah dropped it.
Start making an effort to do things if you want to do them, and focus on having fun while you do them.
You didn’t pick up on your invite, and now you’re being salty at everyone.
From their perspective you chose not to go, and now you’re pissed at them for it.
I understand her dilemma. I knew the wives, whose husbands I worked with. They would talk in front of me like I wasn’t there and never once led me to believe I was included. As they discussed clothes or costumes, no one asked me what I was wearing. I took that as a clear signal I wasn’t on the invite list. Pissed me off so I never did anything with them again. Don’t be oblique, people. Make it clear you are or aren’t invited!
People at work are coworkers, and are hopefully friendly and cooperative, but that doesn’t make them personal friends. That’s a whole different relationship. These people, wonderful as they may be, owe you nothing beyond professional courtesy anything more is a bonus and can quickly be taken away if you try to hold them to the same standards you would a personal friend group. My advice: tell them you appreciate them wanting to include you, but you were just to tired to be any fun.
You’ve got friendliness, fun, and cooperation happening with your coworkers right now, that’s a big deal, don’t screw it up! 🙂
You’re wildly overreacting. I couldn’t get past you not asking if you can go along. If you felt sad that you read your friends are going out why didn’t you ask if you could join? Then you’re mad because you didn’t ask.
You’re an adult, sometimes you have to be assertive. Nobody will think you’re rude. But don’t blame everyone else for your lack of action here
If you guys hang out all the time it’s just assumed. Sarah must have also thought you were coming otherwise she wouldn’t have mentioned it. Tl
You are overreacting. You don’t get invited every time, it’s a fact of life. They said you were welcome and it sounds like it’s genuine because it came from a feel people so it’s likely you’ll get an invite next time and if not, make plans of your own and invite people.
Hey no you are not overreacting you are just trying to be their friends also tell them in there face “you keep ignoring me I wanted to get invited am a human two tell me the time to go in the place and I’ll get ready and I want to become your friends to please” and if they do that again leave them and find better friends those ones are the bad apples and you are the good apple you have to find nicer friends who treat you better ok or tell them again can I get invited tell Sarah ok
If they mention it, assume you’re invited.
This was rude of Sarah and she knows it but probably didn’t want to overstep and possibly have someone call her out if they actually didn’t want you there and she invited you. Clearly the others want or at least don’t mind you there so if I were you, I’d ask the nicest person if she could let you know next time they’re going like “hey, would you message/come get me when you all leave? Maybe we can split an uber”.
The girl who texted you at 11 to ask you a work question seems mean, I wouldn’t expect much social grace from her. I’d actually try to be nice but keep my distance, her whole attitude gives me a bad vibe. It’s really rude to text you from the bar after not inviting you, not even mentioning it, then being rude and minimizing your sadness about it. Sounds like a classic mean girl.
I only like one person at work. I don’t think any of them like me. I’m ok with that
You’re not overreacting, it’s their fault for not communicating clearly with you. If they didn’t want you there then fine, the least they could do is admit it and not waste your time.
I was like you. I need an invitation to go.
Everyone at the office was invited.
Believe them. Show up and talk to the people you enjoy. They aren’t going to go out of their way to invite you unless they really like you as a person.
They have told you now to invite yourself because they have a standing invite to you. Some of them will see you as snubbing them if you don’t show up. So go when you can, and get in the habit of asking if people are hanging out tonight if you think something is going on. Not going created enemies for me and it was dumb.
Why are you making this a big deal?
It sounds like there were some problems with the communication. It happens some times when you enter a new social circle. Everyone makes different assumptions. Now you know for next time, whenever you are informed of a reunion, the invitation is implied.
It is sad you couldn’t be there this time, but don’t hold a grudge over it. Focus more on the fact that your absence was noticed and you were missed. You’ll be there next time.
Maybe be proactive about it, ask if there’s a WhatsApp or text group including everyone. If there is not, create one. That way you’ll all be in touch and avoid issues like this in the future.
I think your overthinking it. The first person literally told you they were all going out and that she was going, that’s a social cue to say oh cool I wanna come or you guys have fun I’ll be at the next one. Since you all already do this at this point it just seems like the usual thing to do and it’s assumed that whoever wants to come will come. You’re being oversensitive and you need to look at yourself and ask why outside of anyone else’s actions.
Hey, it really sucks that happened but try not to act resentful about it. It sounds like honest miscommunication. If you make it a big deal though, people will find that extremely not-chill and probably want to avoid you for real after that.