My girlfriend (28F) and I (33M) started dating about five months ago at the start of June. Over that time we’ve come to love each other immensely, and I can honestly say I’ve never been happier with another person in my life. I feel weak when she’s not around me, and we are already looking for a house together. I also believe that she is truly committed to me.
Last week I made the mistake of going through her phone. I found that during the first two months of our relationship, she was talking to another guy that she’d been talking to before we started dating. She’s never met the guy, but in the texts there were heart emojis, etc. I also saw in the texts that they were planning to meet with each other in July (1.5 months into our relationship) when I had was gone for a week long on a work trip. They never met, and the texts show that to be true.
Based on the texts and her account, she’s had no communication with this guy (or any others) since early August (3 months). And I believe that.
When I confronted her she initially denied things, but eventually came clean in a fit of tears. She told me that she loves me more than anything in the world and can’t live without me, and the guilt was tearing her apart. This is her first relationship in many years, and she claims that she needed some time early on the learn to trust me and shake off her old habits. Since then she’s been trying extremely hard to mend things with us, constantly reassuring me, and reminding me that she wants to move in together. She told me she would marry me on the spot if I asked.
I know deep down she loves me and would never cheat on me at this point – and I have evidence that she’s been fully committed for the last three months (plus she’s never actually cheated on me, just texting).
The problem is that I can’t stop ruminating on it. All the memories of us together during the first two months of our relationship have been poisoned by the thought of her talking to another guy. I also suffer from OCD, insecurity, and ruminating thoughts, which makes this even more difficult. I’m currently taking medication to help with my rumination.
The incident still extremely fresh in my mind since I just found out days ago, and I’m hoping I just need some more time to forgive her and learn to trust her again. But my anxiety is through the roof every time I’m reminded.
I’m looking for reassurance that I will eventually learn to let it go and trust her again. I can say confidently that I will never find a love like this again, and I’m not willing to give up on this because of a few texts early on in our relationship.