What to do when nobody ever texts you first?

30 comments

  2. If you wanna be in contact with those people, text them first. Some people just aren’t big texters. I always see this “why does no one text me first?” question and wonder to myself “who tf even keeps track of that?” Lol. For some of us, we couldn’t care less who texts firsts, as long as the conversations after that / relationship outside of that are good 😉

    If the relationship outside of that *isnt* good, then that’s the real problem, not who reaches out to who first. I wouldn’t read to much into that alone.

  6. Learn to take care of your own needs and reach out to people if you are feeling lonely.

    Nobody is sitting around plotting on how to hurt you, adults are busy and have their own shit going on.

    One of my best friends is the CEO of a company, has 3 kids under 6, and took in his sister-in-law who also has a child under 6.

    Another one of my best friends travels a lot of work and is in the busy season.

    A different close friend is planning a wedding. Another was in the hospital for a week with a kidney stone. Another’s father recently died.

    Nobody is ignoring me, they are all busy with their own lives, but if I text or call any of them they will text me back and have time to talk.

    You aren’t the main character in everyone else’s life.

  7. Learn to wait. If they aren’t willing to send a text first ever then that’s the level of engagement they want.

  8. I will usually text them first with something that doesn’t need a response. Like, “You just popped into my head and wanted to say hi. Hope all is well.”

  9. Eventually you just give up trying to keep a friendship going & just don’t text anymore.

  10. Text them.

    Most of the time I don’t reach out because I think I am being a bother and that people are busy.

  11. I never text first unless it’s their birthday or something major happened in their life.

    Most of the time I just assume if a person wants to talk they’d say something. I don’t want to be annoying.

  12. Depends on how long it goes on for. Eventually I lose steam and phase out people who I am always texting first. Eventually starts to feel like wasted time.

  13. It depends on what you want in life. You can play silly games like not texting until someone texts you first and sit at home alone and lonely. Since they’re already not thinking about you, this will only hurt you.
    You could also understand that not everyone reaches out. You also aren’t likely a priority but that doesn’t mean people don’t like you. Not everyone gets to be the main character. That’s not to say that you don’t have a positive role in people’s lives, it also doesn’t mean that they don’t ever think of you. Maybe you’re fun to hang with but not really a planner. People are more likely to reach out when they’re bored and looking to do something if you’re a person that always has ideas of what to do.

    The bottom line is that your choices are to text first so your social needs are met, or don’t and wallow in self pity over something that isn’t a big deal.

  14. Don’t take it personal. Some people don’t text much, even to reply. But unless they are ghosting you, keep texting away when yo have something to say.

  15. Depending on your age, it’s normal for social groups to get smaller as you get older. Along with that, people get busier with age. Then kids, then moving away makes it harder to stay in contact, then parents start needing more care, etc

    In most cases your family becomes your social circle for a while. Then the kids grow and become too cool for you but by then you should’ve made friends with their friends parents maybe, or figured something else out.

  16. I can’t say exactly what to do in this case
    Personally I’m usually play with people, provoke them to give me feedback, with some kind of game.

    For example: Text first, take initiative in something, in the course of communication, you can understand whether a person give a fuck or not.

    If you take the initiative and get nothing at all from the person, you should either talk to them about it

    Why is that?

    Or to doesn’t care with it, because playing through the same gate is not okay in my opinion.

  17. I would raise it as a concern.. But if you get no or bullshit answers, chances are, new friends.

    Believe me, dude, I went through it all, I pretty much blamed myself too, made an effort to reach out, to ask them if I did anything wrong but they had nothing. Not nothing solid, but nothing.

    You know what I got, though? Getting ignored. Then most of us met up and I got a “why are you not coming with us ever?”. At that point I realized those that were organizing stuff were not only “forgetting” me but straight up lying to the others about me turning it down. When I organized something, they were busy just for me to learn they organized something knowing it well I have already asked if they’d be up for something.

    Then this summer, pretty much on impulse of a final hope I held a BBQ. All my “friends” came, and promptly drank their booze they brought, the drinks and food I provided. Probably have not spoken more than 3 sentences either. Then they fucked off early and have been ghosting me ever since.

    So, learn from me. Try it once, twice, reflect, but then no sense in pushing a friendship if they are just not willing to contribute or share if you fucked up something.

    Not worth it at all.

  18. Stop texting them and find new friends who do text first.

    I had a friend group in high school where I always had to ask what the plan was and one time the one guy said he lost his wallet… well saw on Snapchat they were at a watch party for a playoff NBA game. Cut then all out, even funnier is he texted me recently as if we were still cool and I more or less told him to go fuck himself.

    My friends nowadays is a 50/50 split on who texts firsts and things are much better.

  19. make sure they know how you feel. i have a really close friend who let me know recently he felt i wasn’t reaching out enough. i didnt even realize! but he was right and ive since made steps to reach out more and we are both much happier. you might think “obviously they realize i text first” but honestly they may not

  20. Like others said, I finally realize what that means.

    Sucks, but it’s the same way with people. If you’re always the one making an effort but no one else is, that tells you it’s not a friendship.

  23. Yeah it sucks! If the effort is not equal I cut ties! I have ADHD and get exhausted easily so I have to save my energy for things that matter

  25. Feel bad, realize that you are always the one who is more invested in the friendship and live with that knowledge.

  26. You become the person who texts others first. Check up on the people you care about, and invite them to hang out. These same people are probably also wondering why no one ever texts them first too.

  27. Dont listen to redditors talking about “find new friends/ be alone/ they dont want to talk to you, etc.” People on here are lame asses and have forever alone answers to everything.

    Communication doesn’t come naturally to everybody, and lots of people struggle to manage their time effectively on a day to day level. People generally stay mentally occupied, and weeks turn into months, and soon they haven’t texted in a long time. As you get older, people get multiple jobs, they work on advancing their life, they have children, and as the ability to keep up with others becomes increasingly difficult, so often does their guilt for not doing so. You won’t cause any harm by reaching out every now and then, and people genuinely appreciate it if you are the glue that keeps your friends getting together.

    Instead of feeling self-conscious that your friends dont message first, remember that friendships like other relationships grow and shrink based on the care and time you put in. It never hurts to give your plants just a little water when you think of it, and some of them might grow because of it. Water as many or as few plants as you like and give them time to grow.

  28. Good question.

    I’m trying to figure that out as well.

    I don’t like the rest of the answers, so I ignore them. Old used-up answers I heard before that I don’t like.

    I’m trying to figure that out as well, especially now since I require it more than ever with someone.

    I’m posting hoping they hear me and hopefully reach out. That’s an option.

    It’s hard with people. Sometimes, they don’t reach out for various reasons:

    Reasons they don’t reach out:

    – They’re shy
    – They’re embarrassed
    – They’re scared
    – They’re busy
    – They’re going through something
    – They only need you when it’s convenient
    – They don’t like you
    – They have an ego
    – They have pride
    – They don’t want to admit they care
    – They want you to talk first
    – etc
    – etc
    – etc

    Each one of these reasons has other variables that overlap. They’re not NPC’s in a game where they only appear when you have a quest or complete something. They live and breath and they have things going on.

    Sometimes reaching out might work but if it doesn’t they gave a million and two excuses.

    This causes confusion and doubt.

    The more you know the more it hurts because it’s hard to be positive. By this I mean I’m a complex thinker so ill get negative ideas because I’m constantly coucilating which one it is trying to give the benefit of the doubt even though it eats me up inside because I’ve been hurt and taken advantage of a all my life.

    Long story short I’m asking the same question as you especially right now in my time of need to figure this out as well. It’s not as simple as most people make it out to be.

    I’m looking for the same answer and I don’t want a used up answer that is just idiotic or heartless. Especially not right now.

  29. Eventually just stopped trying. Lifes alot quiter now, but I’m not wasting my energy on people who rarely or never reaponded

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