So I (26m) have been dating my girlfriend (25f) for 6 years. This past year, we started doing long distance, as I moved from NY to the Bay Area for a job. She runs a store in NY, so had to stay. We plan on doing this for at least a year while we figure out how to move back in with each other again. Anyway, I don’t see her that often, so when I have vacation from work, I want to see her.
I asked my family if we could invite her family to go skiing with us on Christmas, and my family said hard no, and they are asking me to choose between her and them. They don’t like her, or her family, in my opinion mostly for elitist reasons. (My family is very wealthy, my gfs family is not)
I’m not sure really what to do here. I’m probably going to marry this girl at this point, and my family has made no effort at all to include her in plans, or met her family. Her family are complete sweethearts and I really wish we could combine holidays somewhat, but my family won’t hear it.
Anyone been in a similar situation? Any advice on how to navigate, where to draw lines, etc? The whole situation is really bumming me out.
TLDR: my family won’t let my long distance gf join holiday celebrations, how to navigate.
1 comment
I think maybe you’ve got two separate problems and it might help to break them out a bit – your family’s relationship with your girlfriend, and with your girlfriend’s family.
It’s honestly probably fine if your families only meet once or twice at weddings or birthdays or whatever, and never really get to know each other or get to the point where they would vacation together. That’s a nice dream but I don’t know that it’s particularly realistic for a lot of families, and I don’t know that it’s worth pressing for.
But it is absolutely worth putting some pressure on your parents to accept that your girlfriend herself is a significant part of your life and having you in their lives means having her in their lives. If they can’t spend time with her, then they don’t get to spend as much time with you.
This might look like alternating Christmases spent with each family, and if they can’t accept her coming to their Christmas, then they don’t get to see you because you’ll be with her family that year too. Maybe, if you’re feeling kindly toward them, they can see you alone for Thanksgiving or whatever other holiday you’re willing to give them that’s less important for you to do jointly with your girlfriend.