I have a friend who is incredibly lonely and has pretty major social anxiety. Last night, I went with him to a local board game night at a bar. After some initial awkwardness, we found a group to join and play board games with, and things went smoothly for some time.
At one point, my friend got a non-urgent phone call from his sister, which he switched to a FaceTime. It was rather loud, and he did not step away from the table to talk but just had a normal conversation for all the other people to hear.
I could tell that this made the others a bit uncomfortable. It was very awkward and could be regarded as rude. I tried to explain to him afterwards that in a group setting you should be present with those you’re interacting with and that any non-urgent phone call should just be taken after the game (or activity) ends. However, I don’t think I did a good job of explaining why, because he did not understand what I was trying to get across.
First, am I correct in believing that you shouldn’t take a FaceTime call in a group setting (specifically without including or acknowledging the others in the group)? Second, is there some principle of group behavior that this speaks to? Something like an intragroup exclusion principle or similar? How can I explain this with compassion in a constructive way?
I appreciate any thoughts on this.
2 comments
A Facetime call with someone the group knows that includes everyone in the conversation might be acceptable, but otherwise when taking the call he should have left the table/bar. I think it’s acceptable to answer a call, but only if you step away or outside to do so. And, of course, being it was a game and others would have been waiting, it would have been prudent to keep it short since it was non-urgent.
Since everyone was forced to hear both sides of the conversation, maybe it’d help to put it this way to him: You wouldn’t take out a boombox and slap it on top of the table to play *your* music (or Podcast, more like) for the group – much less in a crowded bar? If he can’t see how this is rude, he may have some form of social difficulty.
Maybe explain it in terms of Board Game Etiquette. When you’re playing a board game, you should be focused on THE BOARD GAME. A phone call should not be taken unless it’s an emergency. And either way you should step away from the game to take it. Which implies stepping away from the people playing the game. Which is why you’d only take the call if it were SUPER IMPORTANT, because otherwise you have people waiting on your conversation and of course you’re not paying attention to what’s going on in the board game.
That is a Board Game Violation.
Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.