I’ll split this into clear parts then post a summary at the end of you don’t feel like reading it all.
Genuine question, and if I am? What do I do to fix this issue?
Ok now I wasn’t always like this but slowly it became worse. I’ll explain the issue then I’ll explain the possible causes.
Issue: Problems thinking on the spot but MORE IMPORTANTLY the right prompts don’t happen in my mind during conversations. For example, the other day I was picking up a product and another person at the store asked me if the product works I said it seemed to work for me, then they said they’d try the product, now instead of asking “what problem have you been experiencing that’s caused you to get this”, I just kept talking about the product.
That’s been a COMMON, problem for me. Obvious things just don’t occur to me at all during a conversation but as soon as I’m out of the situation it comes to me. This is like an extreme version of ideas coming to you during a shower. Even during training for my job a colleague told me I talk in too much of a straight line instead of a flowing conversation. And it’s true.
The way I know it’s fixable: when younger I was social(still nervous in some situations but at least in small groups I could make jokes and have flowing convos).
Possible causes: 1: I’ve been inside a lot during the last few years and spent less time with friends irl, but still talked daily with them online. 2: This could have originated from a show called scrubs as dumb as that sounds (the scenes where he would think to himself before answering) and basically anxiety. 3: low testosterone. 4: being in “depressing” situations has caused my mind to be in survival mode but I don’t know how to exit it. 5: back in highschool I used to read a paragraph and memorize it so I wouldn’t have to read it for the first time on the spot in front of class.
I’m just tired of this ruining every aspect of my life. Whether it’s visiting family, joining discord with friends, having better conversations with customers.
So far I’ve gotten a customer facing job that forces me to talk to people but that hasn’t helped at all( I can talk to the customers without being nervous but the brain prompts still don’t happen), I think I’m also missing a natural curiosity about other people so I may be narcissistic or constantly anxious idk.
Tldr:
Prompts don’t happen in time in my mind urging conversations, eg: when someone gives a hint, I also feel like a shell of myself so avoid talking to people cause I’ll just be silent pretty much. Need solutions. Don’t make jokes like I used to when talking to some people
7 comments
I’m sorry it’s causing you distress 😔 I don’t know how to fix it, I’d go to therapy. I’m not saying it’s a mental health issue, but therapy can help you with any behavioral issue.
In the meantime, don’t beat yourself up about it. No one is really getting hurt because of that. It’s just maybe an inconvenience or something weird for other people.
It seems like you’re experiencing difficulty with thinking on the spot during conversations and coming up with the right prompts
This could be caused by various factors such as spending less time with friends in person, anxiety, low testosterone, or being in “depressing” situations
It’s understandable that this is affecting different aspects of your life
Trying a customer-facing job hasn’t improved the situation, and you’re feeling like a shell of yourself
It might be helpful to seek solutions and strategies to improve your conversational skills.
How many times have you had covid?
Start exercising, taking to people often , writting what’s on your mind
The solution is in the problem
Just be yourself, if you want to change certain things about your behavior it’s cool bro, just be patient with yourself as you do so.
Honestly, I feel the same. Some people though, are very capable of saying what ‘s on their mind and thinking outloud.
I find that in times that I’m particularly anxious it makes it very difficult to come up with things to say- I think it could be a factor in this case.
The tips that I have seen, other than managing anxiety, are watching stand-up comedy and watching interviews in order to prime your brain to more easily make conversation.
How do you know what the “right” prompt is? Why do you think it was better to ask the person about the problem with the product, instead of talking about the one you were picking?
Sounds to me like you’re overanalyzing your interactions afterwards and keep coming up with hypothetical alternative answers. And you’re assuming those are better suited. Not because it’s true (no one can know that for sure), but just because you assume that the way you responded was incorrect, and saying something else would be better.