Here’s my situation: I’m 39, married with a 2 year old and a 3 month old. I work full time in a career that is associated with a high degree of burnout, and I’ve been off and on (currently on) working on a masters degree. My wife works full time in a hospital, and her shift is 9pm-7am, 7 days on 7 days off.
I’m very seriously considering dropping my masters degree entirely. I’m tired from work, we have kids to take care of after work, and when my wife works I’m on my own between 9pm-7am. But I also can’t shake this feeling that I’m making excuses and need to power through.
If I continue it’s going to take until Fall 2025 to finish the degree. The degree requires all the classes to be completed within a set amount of time, and I’m at a point where taking a semester off is going to be detrimental to my progress and likely require repeating classes. I would add that I’m taking the degree more because I want to, and might long term want a PhD. I don’t anticipate it will make any noticeable effect on my career path. In fact, there’s a possibility I stay in my current position until I retire. Tuition costs aren’t really a factor in the decision.
All this to say what I’m really looking for is wisdom on how you all have handled deciding when you’re just making excuses, vs really needing to say no in order to prioritize your mental health and other priorities.
3 comments
What does your wife think, she seems to have a high degree of burden. 12 hr shifts 7 days a week on an unusual schedule is very difficult on its own, and you’re employed plus working on masters degree, and a 3 month old? You have a lot going on you’re not even mentioning or delving into, which worries me a bit. I mean this as no criticism, if you guys are making that work then great, but I don’t know how you’re doing it unless your kids spend most time in the care of others, which is fine if that works for you.
Your career having a high degree of burnout is worrying. Are you going to burn out? Do you have passion for it? Why invest in something you’re fearful of being burnt out on?
Reading this post and your other comment, I think this all hinges on one question: do you want the Masters?
If you don’t really want it, drop it. But if you do want the Masters then you’re in a great, if somewhat taxing situation. You have a supportive partner, a job that you seem to like, and your wife can take on more of the burden of childcare during her week off, while you do the same during her week on.
It’s going to be a grind but if that’s all it is – which is to say it’s not making you miserable or causing you stress or health issues – then it will pass.
If you weren’t working on a Master’s, what would you do with that time? The question is not Master’s vs no-Master’s. It’s time-spent-on-Master’s vs time-spent-on-???. What’s the something else? It sounds vaguely like something that will reduce the stress for everyone in the household, but it might be helpful to spell it out.
Your kids will only be this small once. How much that matters to you is up to you, but it’s something to keep in mind.