I’m 19f and I feel like my parents (51f and 58m) treat me like a child. For reference I’m going to university but still living at home.
They make me clean my room everyday and do “checks” whenever they want. If I have a a couple tee shirts on the floor I wouldn’t be able to go out until they are hung up. My room used to be messy before they did this, but it wasn’t out of hand. When they first told me they were going to start doing these checks (about 6 months ago) my dad said they were starting to feel like they failed as parents (cause of my messy room) and they were considering taking me to therapy. Just to clarify by messy it was only clothes not hung up or a blanket on the ground it was never food/dishes/garbage or anything like that.
When I do something simple things like clean my room, go to the bank, make an appointment, commit to a diet, go to the gym, make friends at work, etc. they praise me. And I know its good to lift your kids up but the way they talk about me doing basic things every 19 year old does feels less like compliments and more like shock “I didn’t know you had it in you, good job” type of reaction.
When it comes to school they act pretty normal about that. However, last year they were demanding I tell them every upcoming test/ assignment I had because I begun to stop keeping them in the loop (only because when I used to tell them I had a test they would get on my case if I were doing any relaxing/going out and if I told them how stressed/behind I was they would use that against me later and say I’m such a procrastinator and need help), but they’ve relaxed a bit on that this year (I’m a straight A student).
But I feel like almost everything else I do they treat me like I’m much younger than I am. They also have an app that tracks where I am 24/7 and constantly check it. And it’s not just how they are, my 17 year old sister is not treated like this (I think likely because she is more organized, more sensitive (would get upset if they said the things they say to me), has more “street smarts”). Them and my sister are type A, but I’m the only type B in this family and I don’t think they understand that just because my brain works differently doesn’t mean I’m not fine. If I were 13 I’d understand this behaviour but at 19 I’m just over it.
Should I put up with this? Should I talk to them about it? Is there anything I should/shouldn’t say or do that would make them realize I’m more adult than they think?
I have a good relationship with them for the most part but this behaviour is getting annoying and lowering my self confidence.
TL;DR: My parents get on my case about almost everything in my life and when I do something simple like clean my room, go to the bank, make an appointment, commit to a diet, go to the gym, make friends at work, etc. they praise me. What do I do?
2 comments
If you think your parents would be receptive to a chat, maybe talk to them. Try to get your sister involved too if you think she would support you in that conversation.
I lived with my parents for 5 years after my 30th and as much of a pigsty I made, they never told me I had to clean. Talk to them. Ask them how they feel that you are growing up fast and are they trying to control your progress by trying to control what they can? Parents are still humans with feelings and sometimes they act out in fear of you leaving them.
Also, how do they check in on you? Your phone? Factory settings ftw baby. Unless they are the ones that pay the phone bill. Better get yourself your own phone then. Yes that’s expensive and yes, it’s annoying but if you want to be treated as an adult, paying for your own stuff, that’s part of the package. Pick a scenario that’s not just in your convenience tho, I know kids that are kicked out of the house for less and without fault. Keep the communication open and honest.