Hi guys
Me (28f) and my boyfriend (30m) are together for 8 years now.
Since last year i have OCD and man, it’s tiring. I am constantly focussing on rape. What if i raped my boyfriend and vice versa?
Now, Me and my boyfriend share a memory that i always thought was funny. Never even felt bad about it at all and we joked about it a lot. But since yesterday my lovely OCD is trying to make me think what happened is rape. Sigh..
This is what happened: 6 years ago me, my family and boyfriend went to italy for a week. The night before I was so ecxited i couldnt sleep and i was so stressed and happy. My mom gave me a sleeping pil before going to bed, my boyfriend also stayed that night. I was sceptical, i thought: “yeah right, that stupid little pill won’t do a darn thing but i guess i’ll give it a try.” My boyfriend also knew i was sceptical.
I took the pill, and me and my boyfriend went to my room to try to sleep, i have zero expieriences with sleeping medication, and so does my boyfriend. It was my first sleeping pill in 22 years of excisting. After 15 mins of laying in bed I didn’t feel tired at all. My boyfriend was lying next to me, also trying to sleep, and suddenly i became extremely horny, like crazy, i told my boyfriend “i want you to f*** me right now i’m so effing turned on” so he happily agreed lol.
– We didnt have sex for a few months because of my vaginismus and a internal dissability my boyfriend has –
Lets go back to the moment i was madly turned on because off that sleeping pill..
We had sex, and it didnt even hurt at all (kiss my ass, vaginismus!), and during sex i started to fade away, i thought i was sitting outside next to a tree while it was raining lol. It was impossible for my boyfriend to realise i was somewhere else inside my head because i was active and did respond to everything, i was kissing him,.. and also, the lights were off, he did not see my face. After sex we talked very shortly and my boyfriend told me i passed out after less then 1 minute.
The next day i said to my boyfriend : “wow those pills made me extremely turned on, thanks mom for giving us a great time haha!” My boyfriend didn’t realise that pill turned me on, he said i was just acting normal but suddenly i wanted to fuck very badly. So he said he never thought it was because off that pill. Like i said before, we have zero expierience with it and we didnt look up side effects. He just went along with my horny-ness.
We both laughed with it,
I never felt violated by my boyfriend !!!
I initiated the sex, he happily consented, he didnt realise my horny-ness was because of that sleeping pill, he just though i was randomly horny. We had zero expierience with a sleeping pill so i also didnt saw it coming.
Over all, we were both happy we had sex again after months of no sex.
Now my OCD is trying to convince me it was rape? That i wasnt able to consent, even though i was the one craving sex etc… but i try to keep thinking straight. My boyfriend didnt realise it was because off that sleeping pill until i told him the next day. He told me i wasnt unconscious, i was kissing him, etc,…
We were also dating for almost 2 years back then.
Can someone calm me down a little bit and tell me this aint rape? All these years we laughed about our little sexual adventure and now my OCD has to ruin everything.
I have a therapist. But i need to calm myself down..
Thanks
7 comments
You were not raped. He had no way to know that the horniness was caused by the meds. Furthermore, you enjoyed it, you didn’t feel bad after it.
My wife gets the same way. She takes Ambien and looks forward to this part of it.
Can you walk us through why you think this is rape?
It was not rape. However you may have felt out of control. You were under the influence of a drug and maybe acted differently than you normally would. Howver I would try to comfort u in saying that you probably acted on feelings that you already had deep inside. You did things maybe you were too anxious to do? But nothing that was bad or that you would take back? In that case I think you can try to focus on feeling uncomfortable with the drug itself, not with what you and your bf did.
GIRL – stop reassurance seeking! You need to solve this anxiety with ERP, not by asking strangers about your obsession!
Medication can varying effects on people. It was your first experience with the sleeping pill and had no prior knowledge of how it would effect you.
Doesn’t sound like there was any premeditated intent to do harm.
I feel you should only consider it rape if that on that night, sexual intercourse was forced on or by either person. If it’s consensual and neither you or your boyfriend try to stop the activity, the put your fears to rest. It wasn’t rape.
If you still have concerns speak to a professional.
You were not raped, everything that happened based on what you said seemed consensual, and it sounds like it was an overall positive experience. There is nothing wrong with a little chemical stimulation (a drug that makes you horny, or keeps you hard, or whatever). I know it’s never as easy as “don’t overthink it”
Me and my partner smoke weed, a little gets her in the mood, and helps her ralax after a stressful day at work. Occasionally she will smoke a bit too much and it will hit her a bit while we are having sex. She will have sort of a euphoric “out of body” type experience, especially if I’m giving it to her particularly hard, but its incredibly enjoyable for both of us and completely consensual. She’s not 100% coherent during it, but not passed out, she will usually just lay down and nap for a bit after. Doesn’t sound too dissimilar from what your describing.
I would say this is definitely an anxiety issue misdirected at this particular night. No judgment. Anxiety is a bitch! Keep going to therapy. It definitely doesn’t not sound rapey. Best of luck