Does anyone else think about death in 30s?

27 comments

1. Yep, for sure.

   A couple weeks ago a guy I went to grad school with dropped dead on the dance floor at a wedding. Stroke.

   Enjoy every sandwich.

2. Once in a while I think about it. But I just try to enjoy every moment and try to be careful (no excessive drinking, always wear a seat belt, etc.)

   > love living and cant imagine it ending.

   Oddly enough the older you get, the less this seems to be a problem which to some extent this makes me feel a bit better. I used to volunteer at a nursing home and most, if not all, of the residents (all 80+ y/o) were ready to “move on”. They had outlived their spouses, some had outlived **all** their children, they accomplished everything they wanted to in life, their bodies were failing, sleeping was hard, all food tasted like shit, mobility was limited, etc. Knowing that many older people don’t fear death made me feel a bit better.

   I heard a really great quote once – “Life is like a trip to Disneyland. You’re all excited and happy once you get there. By the end, you’re exhausted and just want to get the fuck out”.

3. Every man has two lives and the second begins when he realizes he only has one.

4. Someone one time said to me while a few of us were talking “who cares when you die, not like you’ll know it” and I was like huh, your right. I now fear losing a loved one over myself dying. Not that I want to but it made me kinda realize, who cares. You’re gone when you’re gone. People gonna miss me (I hope) but that’s life.

5. A couple of years ago I had my first kid and my aging father had major surgery, and all of a sudden mortality felt *very* real. To top it off, in the last few years my mother in law died very suddenly despite otherwise good health (fuck cancer), and a couple of childhood friends have recenylu tried to take own their lives.

   A lot to cope with but it’s helping me put together my life in ways I had never really gave a shit to do before. Less drinking, more career focus, strong focus on being a good dad, etc.

   “He not busy being born is busy dying.” – Bob Dylan

6. I’ve always been quite pragmatic about it – deaths of people I was close to (few, thankfully, and even moreso none my own age) were sad of course, but ultimately it’s a part of life. Comes to us all, there’s no point denying that, but by the same measure there’s no point obsessing over it either.

   That said it’s hit slightly closer to home lately – my uncle died, in his 80s, but that made me think slightly more about my own parents’ future, if not my own mortality specifically. That’s still sad/concerning, but it’s more the practicalities of it than anything else. I’ve got a wife and kids now so I’m more aware of the impact my own death would have on them than would have been the case a few years back.

   But I still don’t dwell on it too much, because what’s the point? “Live each day like it’s your last” is ridiculous, because if it’s *not* your last, you wake up bankrupt and riddled with STDs for the next several decades. But obsessing over it doesn’t change a damn thing either. Plan for it as best we can, apply a degree of caution, and try not to ruin the life we have by thinking about the end of it too much.

7. yes, I think about it, and I think about it often.

   it’s a motivator for me to ensure that I am enjoying my time alive, spending time with my kids, and doing things that make me happy as well.

8. In my early adult hood I definitely felt like I had plot armour now I see it can happen at any given moment with no rhyme or reason

9. About once a month my mind decides to contemplate the intricacies of death and dying when I’m trying to go to sleep. Usually ends up in me not sleeping all night. I call it the existential roulette. Lol

10. Yeah I work in healthcare and see somebody die pretty regularly (I watched somebody die yesterday and today for example).

    One of the best books I can recommend to everybody is *Being Mortal* by Atul Gawande about death and dying. Another beautiful book is *When breath becomes air* by Paul Kalanithi. Both will give you new perspectives on the only thing we will all do.

11. I can’t remember not thinking about death.

12. I have since I was a kid and learnt what death was. I hate it because it really overwhelms me when I am stressed (although it is a convenient marker for stress at the same time). I lost my granddad last March and could think of nothing else until the day of his funeral because the grief was so consuming.

13. I do from time to time, and deeply at that. It has challenged me to really look inwards and ask how I view life and what’s important to me. Contrary to most people and what’s “conventional”, I’ve learned that I really really really enjoy living a peaceful quiet life with my girlfriend. I learned that I no longer found joy in going out/getting wasted/etc and I longed for new experiences that involve solitude and self-journey. I learned that I needed to let go of things that no longer brought me joy and focus on what brings me joy today, and to be open minded on what will bring me joy tomorrow.

    I’ve learned that there is no timeline. Anything I’ve earned can be easily taken away from me. Just as easy as I could die tonight, I also have my entire life ahead of me.

    I treat others as if it’ll be my last time seeing them. This lets me be at peace with people I interact with. I have no last words to anybody. I don’t pick fights over small things. It doesn’t mean that I’m overly affectionate, it just means that I make sure that I am kind.

    I live as I have the next 30-40 years to live for. This stops me from trying to “do it all now” and to “go hard and live it up now”. I have friends who are like this, and they fill their daily lives with partying drugs alcohol etc, and that’s okay if that’s what makes their hearts feel alive. But for me, I feel the most alive when I’m sober, focusing on my life goals, and figuring myself out. Who knows what will bring me joy in 5 years? What I don’t enjoy is trying to “go hard” and “do it all now”. I don’t want to live a life where I’m “afraid to die today”. Realizing your mortality does not have to mean you are afraid. It just means that you live each minute with more awareness and appreciation. But that’s just my take, any one else’s take and experiences is 10000% valid as well.

14. I think about it frequently. It doesn’t phase me much anymore. It’s inevitable and it’s peace. There’s nothing more to it in my eyes.

    The reason I think about it often is because it reminds me to better nurture my relationships with people. “If [X] died today, would I have any regrets? Is there anything I should’ve said/done? Was our last interaction a pleasant one?”

    Thinking like this has improved my relationship with my parents and has really put into perspective what actually matters in life. I’m not so upset at the people I used to be very impatient with. I can let things go and I’m much less superficial than I once was.

15. Sure, but in a negative way, more in a practical way. Parents are getting older. Thinking about my own life. In the 20s it was something that I would worry about. Now I’ve kind of realized I’ve led a great life and I’ve done pretty much everything I really wanted to do, so from here on out it’s all extra credit.

16. Has anyone had that moment yet where your heart sort of catches and you think, “hurk, this could be it,” but then it sorts itself out after a second?

17. I feel like I have a cist in my jaw/face that has spread to my brain. My left cheek hurts most of the time, now my left eye waters and is sore most of the time. My head throbs. I can feel the ‘liquid’ or ‘infection’ with my hands if I press down around my eye and cheek or jaw. I’m shitting myself. My wife is about to pop with our second and I’m terrified of dying partly because I’ve let her down by not sorting this earlier
    Scared

18. Oh yeah for sure. Memento mori. I accidentally killed my friend when I was 16. I would have rather died myself. Coped by thinking I was alive to be punished, that I looked forward to death. Suicidal thoughts became a comfort.

    I have since been diagnosed and that helped. Not so much as having kids did. They really give me a will to live. The Big Sleep is coming for us all.

    Socrates ideas on it help me a lot. Something like, when *I am*, death is not, and when death comes I am not. why would I fear death?

19. I’ve been thinking about death for 13 years. Fun topic.

20. Depressing answer: yes, but it’s because I have been chronically suicidally depressed for twenty years and have been at “I am not making it to <years end>” for most of that time. I’m lucky that I haven’t lost any of my peer group my age, but I have had plenty of family die and my family history is chock full of people dying young. So, really the answer is, I never haven’t thought about it and I’ve never really thought about living.

21. I got new from my Dr that she is worried I might be dead in a couple years. I don’t want to bring up the specifics. I don’t really think about death, I think about the things I have to do not to die.

22. “What is death? A scary mask. Take it off – see, it doesn’t bite. Eventually, body and soul will have to separate, just as they existed separately before we were born. So why be upset if it happens now? If it isn’t now, it’s later.” — Epictetus

23. Absolutely. In a year, I lost my high school best friend and first love. Virtually all of my friend group has died. I’m 33 and it feels strange to be here, but I’m grateful.

24. I started at 10. ☹️

25. Yes

26. Rarely, it doesn’t both me too much. I just use those moments to make sure I keep my life in dying readiness sort of. No need to die with 30 tabs of pornhub open.

27. Every day since I was 13, I think.