Input needed: I M(23) uncertain about long term commitment to my GF (24) after long distance.

I’m dealing with a challenging situation, and I could really use some advice. Long-distance with my GF is tough, and it’s confusing me a lot. I’m at a point where I don’t even know what I want anymore. For context, we’ve been together for 3 years, and i feel like now I’ve come at a breaking point. The loneliness is depressing me, and I can’t keep these feelings bottled up any longer.
Don’t get me wrong: I need to emphasize how deeply in love I am with my girlfriend. It might not sound like it after what I will say here, but trust me, I’m head over heels. I believe we’re soulmates, and I genuinely envision a future with her. She understands me, loves me and supports me unconditionally.

However, there’s a difficult truth I’ve had to face: the idea of committing to her for the rest of my life already, without exploring other connections before, makes me anxious. I’m still quite young, at 23; it’s not that I don’t want to be with her – I just feel like I need some time to explore life before settling down. Our relationship feels like a now-or-never situation, and that’s quite overwhelming for me. Probably at the core of my frustration is the absence of physical and sexual connection from long distance – i thrive on intimacy, so this is seriously affecting my overall well-being. Each morning, I wake up feeling an overwhelming sadness, loneliness, and frustration, as if I’m locked out of life, restless. I’ve been having sleepless nights, thinking; am I a horrible person for doubting my relationship? My mind often wanders to other girls, very often, and I find myself fantasizing about them intensely, as if it’s my way of compensating for what I’m missing. I would obviously never cheat, but the fact that I have these thoughts in the first place must mean something. Sometimes, I even find myself having intrusive thoughts about wanting her to cheat on me, which sounds crazy, but it would provide an excuse for a break.

But the scary thing is that there’s a very real chance that telling her my uncertainty could lead to losing her forever, and I’m worried i’ll regret that for life. She said she is certain that we’ll always be together – but to me, this is a lot of pressure. Adding to this complexity is the uncertainty of our future. I’m studying, and I have no idea where I’ll be after graduation. I could be working at home, somewhere else, pursuing a master’s degree, or even traveling. Her situation is equally uncertain, she did not go to college, she has been working different jobs, floating around. She is smart, and hardworking, but doesn’t have a plan for the near future. Therefore, our uncertain futures and the possibility of more long-distance is a significant concern for me. What further complicates matters is that our relationship is deeply intertwined with our friends, families; she lived with my family briefly, and they truly embraced her as one of their own. It’s even more challenging because she has been through a lot of life struggle, and I don’t want to add to her struggles, but I also need to confront my feelings. I understand that some people might suggest an open relationship, but it’s a topic we’ve briefly discussed before. She made it clear that it’s not something she can consider, she sees it only as a betrayal.

\]Im so stressed; this internal conflict has left me feeling ill, with a pit in my stomach. I don’t know what I want, and I’m worried that it’s just my longing for physical closeness causing my brain to play tricks on me, but at the same time, I think it’s revealed to me what i truly want. I know the most straightforward answer is to talk to her, but I wish I could express my confusion without it being interpreted as an immediate desire to break up. It’s difficult because it is hard to have a serious conversation over the phone. So, I think I’ll wait until she comes back from long distance, she’s away for another 2 months. There’s a possibility that with time, these feelings will subside, and when we’re together again, I won’t feel them at all.. but at the same time, i don’t want to live a life of regrets…
What do I do? Am I risking throwing a relationship away that I will never find again? If I break up, will it be the worst mistake of my life?nMost of all, I just want to be honest, so I need to know: How can I express my feelings without it being interpreted as an immediate desire to break up? I need to know if she can try to understand where I am coming from, so I can figure out what I want, and we can see what is the best way forward.

TLDR: Love my girlfriend, she wants to commit longterm – i want to commit to her too, but long distance has made me realise i think i need some freedom first – how do I tell her honestly how i feel?