Hello!
Whenever I’m with a group of people I just don’t feel like I don’t fit in. It doesn’t matter what kind of group it is, how close I am to the members of the group, I just don’t feel connected. It can be my closest friends but I just can’t do it. I have had this problem for a long time. The thing is that when it is one-to-one, I don’t have a problem. I’ve tried to get over this feeling by joining to a sports game club (I was a volleyball player back then but had to drop due to disputes with my teammates) but this feeling just doesn’t leave me. I am also much more aggressive when I’m in a group.
Can someone give me a solid advice to fix this or tell me why I am feeling as such?
Thank you!
2 comments
Just gonna throw this out there…may or may not be true. You’re bad in groups and good 1v1 because you feel like you have to successfully broadcast an identity to the group. Thats very easy 1v1 because the other person has no other option but to accept that identity. In a group, it gets lost and/or ignored in the tsunami of group dynamics flying about.
The thing is: No one in the group really cares about identity. Not that they don’t care…but they arent seeing it as a priority to prove within the group. Because group dynamics work best when you just let that shit go for the sake of the group. If everyone was constantly trying to broadcast an identity in the group at all times, it would be chaos.
So the fix is: Stop trying to be someone in the group and instead just be there. When you do that, you also won’t need to “belong” because by default when you let that need to prove yourself go, you by default become one of many…instead of just ONE.
Damn, I relate. Here’s my honest thoughts on why this happens.
Insecurity and self-image. I spent years dealing with social anxiety and a terrible self-image and not until recently have I really connected the two. There are varying degrees of this within varying circumstances, but for example if you feel disgusted by yourself, or guilty for existing, that could cause you to subconsciously be self-sabotaging your relationships. Possibly other aspects of your life as well. You have to look inward at how you perceive yourself before you begin to understand how others perceive you.
It’s difficult to accept and this certainly wouldn’t apply to all, but let me know if this sounds about right.