i (19m) dont know how to handle my “situationship” (20m) when he’s practically ignoring some of my boundaries.

tl;dr will be at the bottom for anyone who doesnt wanna read all this

so, i (19m) started seeing this guy (20m) about 3 months ago. prior to seeing him, i had been a few months out of a relationship where i had been cheated on. my ex and i had been together for almost 2 years but i found out he was cheating on me with his coworker, and i broke things off.

i took a couple months to myself to recollect myself and get over him, however ive been cheated on before and generally have a bad track record of partners, for example my ex had also been verbally and emotionally abusive (would threaten to hit me, isolated me from my friends and family, would “jokingly” insult me, etc.) and my exes before him were about the same. after the breakup, i went to a lot of therapy to work through my issues with having the same repeated pattern of that type partner. i dont want to be stuck in another relationship where i feel trapped and where im being treated like shit or treated like an emotional babysitter for a grown ass man, ive learned i deserve more than that. i would like to mention im in no way hung up over my ex (i hope he stays away from me forever) , but moreso still untrusting of people and afraid of being in another situation like that.

this brings me to my “situationship” who we’ll call jasper (20m). jasper and i live in the same area so we have a lot of mutual friends and had already known of each other before we started hooking up. the problem here is that i dont want a relationship. ive stated this several times to jasper, which we met through a dating app where my profile said that i am specifically looking for fwbs and nothing serious. when i started seeing jasper, i thought we were under the same impression but then he started posting me on his social media, calling me his, showing me to his friends, inviting me out with his friends, etc. it was probably a week within seeing each other initially that all his friends already knew who i was and what we were doing.

this threw me off immensely, im someone who is more reserved and introverted while jasper has a giant group of friends and triple the following on social media than i do. i dont even post unless its once a month, if even. it made me uncomfortable that right off the bat he was showering me in gifts, posting me, calling me his, showering me in paragraphs of how amazing i am, how hes always thought i was attractive, etc etc. ive had several talks with him about our dynamic, how im not comfortable with being posted to his social media (literally pictures of me that i send to him and he screenshots and puts on his story with “my pretty boy💗” as a caption), how i am not looking for a serious situation or relationship, how i dont like his friends knowing every detail about me, and how hes a great guy but if this dynamic is not his style, i dont want to hurt him and we should both walk away.

he always responds to each talk kinda panicked, apologizing, saying that he wont do it, and that he understands the dynamic might hurt him but that he wants to try anyways and that if its too much, he’ll leave. jasper is an amazing guy, hes such a vibe to talk with, i can take him out to dinner and we can talk for hours. we are extremely compatible sexually, emotionally, and lifestyle wise too. obviously after getting out of such a long relationship i wanted just a hookup, but initially jasper had me thinking about a potential relationship between us, until he started with everything ive mentioned.

its also worth to mention he made a separate, spam instagram account that myself and over a dozen of his friends follow, where he only posts about me in “discreet” ways. but.. it kind of only screams red flag to me. the posts are things like poems, poems saying how he wants me, how he hopes i let him in, how losing me will hurt him but he’d rather “i ruin him than he ruins himself with the thoughts of what couldve been”, and just generally shit like that. i told him before straight up that i would probably be open to a relationship in the future if we took things slow and he stopped mentioning a relationship every day. ive told him several times i feel that im, in a way, being pressured into a relationship with him or relationship-like activities by him and his friends. it doesnt seem appropriate to me to put your hookup from a dating app (albeit, most of his friends are people i know too) into such a spotlight, with his friends calling me his boyfriend or his “man” every time we hang out. it feels like too many eyes, too much pressure on me to accept a relationship with someone who i had only initially agreed to have nothing serious with.

i dont really know what to do, jasper feels like he’d be amazing boyfriend material if you took away the constant instagram notes saying “why does everyone disappear” if i dont reply for hours, or the posts on his spam where he publicly puts for me and his friends to see how hes trying to win me over(?) and yearns for me (quite literally). i feel like its childish, we’re not highschoolers anymore, i feel we shouldnt be posting our “relationship” or telling all of our friends about this. besides that though, he’s incredibly caring and sweet, he provides the best he can, and he checks off every other box that could exist. it just.. tips me off how incredibly quickly he got attached and seemed to even be lovebombing me, though im unsure if i wanna use that word.

through him, ive gained a lot more friends, i go out almost every day, im much happier with my daily dynamic, however im again, just not looking for a serious relationship at the moment. i dont want to hurt him, nor do i want to lose the amounts of friends ive made through him, but they would all inevitably drop me if i stopped seeing him. he constantly calls his friends and tells them about me, and i feel that they keep a close eye on me though enjoy my company too. i feel like ive been forced into a boyfriend role that i didnt sign up for.

any advice?

tl;dr:

i (19m) started seeing jasper (20m) after my breakup a couple months ago. i dont feel ready for another relationship any time soon, and ive made it clear to him several times that i do not want a relationship. he says its ok, but then continues to treat me as if we are dating. he posts me on his social media, makes posts about me, shows me to his friends, etc. i feel backed into a corner and like im a boyfriend without ever having agreed to this.