A “friend”/co-worker left me on read last week after I offered to help them with a special assignment they had to work on the following morning. It was a fairly cumbersome task, which is why I thought I ought to offer. The message was sent roughly half-an-hour after we had just left work together, where things were fine between us. They didn’t respond despite seeing the message so I assumed they didn’t need my help, hence the lack of a response, even though it would’ve been nicer of them to respond with a brief “OK thanks” or something, but whatever.
Fast forward to this week, they text me to ask when I’m coming in and ask me for a favour, which I’m happy to oblige. Later this week, I sent them a message again, this time, a question, and they left me on read.
Goes without saying, but that indicates to me that they don’t respect me enough to respond. It’s making me question if there’s something inherently defective about me that is making them act in this callous manner. I know for a fact they aren’t the type to not respond to texts for days, because I because I see them at work responding immediately to notifications.
It’s kind of annoying and sad how much this is bothering me (dude in his mid-twenties), but alas. Can’t get it out of my head either. I can’t just give them the cold shoulder either because I do have to work alongside them.
I would appreciate some advice or words of wisdom on this. Thank you.
12 comments
I’d just stop texting them and move on, but of course still be cordial at work and whatnot.
If you text me after work hours I’m not going to respond.
Just mentally put them in a place of lesser importance to you. Don’t ask them for things, don’t offer things. Just be polite.
Reach out to others instead.
I don’t understand what you mean by “on read”.
Stop offering help. They obviously don’t need it and don’t care enough to say thank you. That’s on them, not you.
Some do’s and don’t, i learnt after working for years in corporate,
below point applies to any coworker doesn’t matters how closely you know them, its always good to be vigilant and professional with them.
1) Keep the communication limited to work hours, no need to reach out after work.
2) Agenda and intention shall be clear, no need to provide unnecessary information/Help to anyone unless they ask politely, you already got your own work to do.
3) Avoid discussing anything out of work (political opinions, office politics etc) bcoz you never know what they can make out of it.
4) If possible always use emails over chat apps.
hope this helps.
Sometimes people get busy with life and just forget to respond because of all the other things or messages. Who cares? Why are you letting this person have free rent in your head?
Do you always respond messages immediately when you receive them?
It’s about priorities and sometimes you aren’t the priority or maybe even messages in general aren’t a priority. Dating, animals, health, children, partners, tv, music, working out, sleep, etc all would be a higher priority to me.
I’d just ignore it and move on. If they ask again, just tell them to put a meeting on your calendar to discuss as that’s what you do in a professional setting.
Is your level of expectation reasonable? Seems like you want something more from this person when frankly neither if you guys really owe eachother anything.
>>…inherently defective about me…
Another person’s rudeness is their personality problem; it’s not yours.
Yes this person has lost their Digital Communication Privileges. Only communicate in person. Never text or email them again. If you cant say it to them in person it doesnt get mentioned. If push comes to shove ask a coworker to text them since they dont respond to u for some weird reason.
I just never text them ever again & then 10-15 years go by and I casually remember them and go
“Oh yeah, that was person number 4,786 who never texted back”
Might be worth mentioning that you feel like it’s rude when he doesn’t respond to your texts. It’s weird I know, but some people don’t understand that. It can also be a sign of overwhelm.