So my wife is in the military, her and her girlfriends went out over Halloween weekend after a long week in the field. Shit went too far…at least I think.
We have two kids at home, they are with me alone till March of next year while she is in training then she’ll
Come
Back home from the east coast.
Communication kinda blows between us right now, but that’s not the point of this.
She got lost from her group, so they called me asking where she is cuz I have her location. So I called her. And called. And called….finally she answered when she found her friends and said “who the fuck is this? I don’t even know you” then CLICK. next day she apologized all day.
It really sucks cuz I wanna approach her on it but I feel like I’m always nagging her about her weekend outings. Plus I’m way stressed with the kids on my own and I’m pretty upset and confused at this. Shit hurts and Donno how to process this. How do I approach her on this??
41 comments
She apologized but why did she say that and do that?
And what specifically is she sorry about?
So she was in the field all week. Came home but went out again over the weekend? And when you called her she answer with she doesn’t know you? In seriously confused on how you would even begin to put up with that level of disrespect
I find it so weird when a man states that he’s “watching” his kids. You’re not watching them, you’re a parent.
You need to find out what is going on with your wife. Her behavior is definitely suspicious. I do not know how far away she is for training. But it might be worth a trip to see her.
I’m sorry but there’s something seriously wrong with your relationship in my opinion she’s out in the field and that she goes out partying and doesn’t spend any time with you and then when you’re calling her to find out where she is for other people and she says that’s you I don’t care if she’s drunk High stupid or on planet Pluto. She’s screwing around on you big time and you’re a dormant
Good luck. Sounds crappy to me.
You gotta go…like yesterday go bro
As someone in the military, don’t date or marry anyone in the military. It is the equivalent of marrying someone in a party frat
She was obviously with her boyfriend
She was probably with the man she was cheating you with that’s why she claimed not to know you over the phone. This is the most logical scenario, regardless of if she was drunk.
If my wife did that to me, the next conversation we had would be about the division of assets and custody.
How much does she drink?? Is she a weekend binge drinker and drunk on most weekends?? The drinking might be the source of her problems, and you might have more trouble on your hands than you realize or want to admit.
Hate to break it to you, but she’s getting blown out, I’ll be fully honest.
Nobody says stuff like this no matter how drunk or angry, unless they’re with someone.
I suggest going to get a gallon of full fat milk.
Just thought what would have happened if it was op who would have answered same to his wife, what would have been the results
Yeah she definitely said that because she was with another man. She will never tell you the truth and she will never stop cheating on you
What did she say in her apology? Was it genuine? I called my mom the other day and my name didn’t show up, only my number. She also could’ve been so drunk her vision was blurry and she couldn’t read your name, thought you were a scammer and was mad. So it’s highly possible she really didn’t know it was you. If she didn’t want to talk to you she could’ve just…not answered the phone.
Personally, I think the other problems in your relationship are make you overemphasize the phone call. As an independent incident it’s very minute and should be no cause for such a big reaction. The other problems in your relationship however are a concern. Totally fair to be hurt about the call but also be reasonable. Listening to all the other replies and jumping straight into believing she’s cheating on you, without any proof, is going to destroy your marriage.
Have an honest sit down with her about the effect the lack of communication is having on your marriage, the struggles you’re having with the kids, etc. Tell her you want to come up with a plan together to improve your marriage. Now her reaction to you bringing up those concerns will be the biggest indicator. If she has no empathy, no understanding or desire to find a solution together then you need to reevaluate your relationship and determine if it’s really the best thing for you.
She didn’t explain? Just ask.
Maybe she didn’t see it was from you, maybe she was drunk who knows just ask
My limited understanding is that even when on leave, there is a standard of behaviour that is expected of serving military personnel.
So find out if her behaviour (all of it ) is acceptable under that standard, and if not see what they will do about it (maybe nothing, but you don’t know until you look into it)
And file for divorce – her behaviour is abuse. You do not deserve it, and should not be putting up with it.
Ignore her.
Move on. Go to the gym, spend time with the kids, create memories with them.
When she calls, don’t answer. Live your life, cause it sounds like she’s living hers without you and your kids.
Dude, this is very fishy behavior… you need to have a serious FaceTime call. Screams cheating or doing something she shouldn’t.
Sounds like she might be living a second life you don’t know about
She’s married but going out and getting shitfaced? Odd
Sounds like she blacked out. I’ve blacked out once in my life. Got lost from my group downtown. They called me to find out where I was at and I told them I was on Alderaan 😂 I have no memory of any of this.
Now if she continues to do this habitually then that’s a problem.
You send her this text.
“If you ever speak to me like that again you can expect to receive divorce papers that week. And if you can’t control your drinking when I’m not there, then we need to have a discussion about the future of this marriage. Let’s talk when you get here in November. Understand that I won’t put up with being disrespected.”
I’m sorry, she was missing from her friends group, missing long enough for them to be worried and reach out to you? She then ignores your calls until she meets her friends then denies she knows you?
She wasn’t lying to her friends about you, because they obviously know who you are. So who did she think she was hiding you from? Why did she not pick-up until she was with her friends? Where was she in that missing time?
I think you have a lot more to talk about than why she denied knowing you when drunk.
Unlucky
People saying she’s cheating have no basis, what the fuck am I even reading. She could have been black out drunk, don’t assume anything without evidence. A lot of insecure assumptive people on this subreddit holy shit.
I wouldn’t be with someone in this scenario just enables the scenario we all assume is happening here
military relationships are a disaster and too much cheating happening.. couldn’t be me
Her friends were indirectly snitching on her…hoping you would find out. She yelled at you bc whoever she was with; she didn’t want them to know who she was talking to. Sorry bud.
Your excuses for your wife show that while you are taking care of the kids, you really don’t sit down and think how disrespectful it is to be told “I don’t even know who this is!” I assume your wife has you as “Husband/Hubby” in the contacts, if she didn’t then it’s likely she’s out there with her friends having a affair with someone else than you. My guy, you need to sit her down and ask why she said that and if something is up.
UpdateMe!
it sounds to me like she was having a good time with her buddies and was drunk off her ass. This would give me zero fucks. Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship and confidence in your partner should be absolute. If you have trust issues consider carefully if they are real or your own insecurities. Why do you have a tracker app on her phone?
Ex military, so I get the deployments and parties. But dude, she’s 28, married and with kids. Time to grow the f#ck up.
This feels very red flag’ish. I’ve been stupidly drunk, but even if the world was spinning around me, I still recognized my fiancé calling me, messaging me. Or even seeing his face…
Hope you’ll get better answers soon OP, best of luck to you 🌹
I suppose you are hoping for the best case scenario explanation for this, right? How about we find out, whether it is true?
Ask her to introduce you to all those friends and explain that she is doing this due to what she did back then (she should explain how she treated you with that phone call). This would certainly be humiliating for her, but this is on her. She has treated you like an unwanted doormat, this kind of embarrassment is the least she should be willing to do to make up for it.
If she refuses, you should assume the bad case scenario.
Also, even if she agrees and does this, you should still ask her to spend more weekends with you than with her friends.
Nahh
Newly married to the the military huh?
She def hooked up with someone.
Well, she wasn’t with the other girls cuz she fuking some other guy, obviously, which is why she said that. You don’t have a wife right now. She is single.
Your calls were interrupting getting her cheeks clapped my dude.