My SIL is a super outgoing extrovert who makes friends with everybody. Everyone instantly falls in love with her and people gravitate towards her like moths to a flame. The problem? She basically steals any chance of friendship I have. I’ve never been great at making friends. I’m not super shy or anything like that. Honestly, I’d rate my personality as pretty average to maybe a tiny bit above average. I’ll start to connect with people and form friendships, then here comes my SIL and I’m left in the dust. I just cannot compete with her. There’s a lot of direct comparison because we are in the same family and same age group so we end up in many of the same events and social circles. It’s difficult to get away from her in that sense. I’m getting so discouraged. I’m tired of people dropping me to pursue friendship with her. It’s so hurtful when my friends start asking me about her, texting with her, hanging out with her without me, inviting her places, saying they wish SHE was here, etc etc. I’m actually starting to wonder if my SIL is purposely trying to steal my friends. I know that sounds ridiculous but that’s how bad it is. I thought about it, and the only friend that I have are friends that have not spent time with her. My husband understands how I feel and he definitely felt like the lame one growing up. As they’ve gotten older, he hangs out more with the guys anyway, so its not the same anymore. With me, we are essentially competing for the same friends. I don’t even want to be around her anymore. I don’t want to be in social situations where she will be. I don’t want to even talk to a lot of my friends anymore because they really just want to be her friend or use me to get to her. I think most people can agree that it gets harder to make friends as you get older anyway, so add this issue to the mix and it’s feeling impossible. I want to crawl into a hole and not even try anymore. What do I do? How can deal with this or get over it? Should I just stop trying?
1 comment
You have to change your mindset here – your SIL doesn’t “steal” people away from you. People choose to be around her…that isn’t her fault. Your issue is with the fact that YOU aren’t able to connect with others the way she can….and that leads to people not being drawn to you vs being drawn to her. You aren’t a victim here….so you really have to work on that mentality.
My sister held the same mentality as you (thus why we were never close). She used to accuse me of “stealing her limelight” meaning – whenever I was around…people gravitated to me and not her. But I wasn’t doing anything but being myself! It wasn’t my fault nor was it fair to project that jealous nature onto me.
My advice: work on YOUR self esteem and presence. If you feel that being around your SIL too much makes you feel a certain way – don’t. Separate yourself…find your own group that doesn’t involve her. But also accept that there will always BE someone more charismatic or funny or inviting and that people naturally gravitate towards that person! It doesn’t lessen who you are nor what you have to offer. If you find your social skills aren’t strong…improve them.