I feel like other people are allowed to be so sure of their persoanitlies, boundaries, wants and needs, and yet I am never sure, I feel like all the above are things that are constantly changing or not concrete within me.
And on top of that I feel like I never really get the chance to be my authentic self, I feel like even with friends ive known for years I cannot open up to them, or Im afraid of making them upset.
My friendships don’t really feel deep, and I’m not sure what a friendship really is. I’m not sure what its supposed to be anymore, and when people are very nice to me it makes me scared because I feel lndebted to them, or that they have no backbone, or I am a bad person.
I’m not sure if this is because of the current climate we live in but I am afraid of being taken advantage of and I find it hard to find other people that are like me in a sort of way, I feel I am more calm and nice, creative, and I try to be nice to people because I know how it feels since im a bit more understanding about things but I feel like other people just aren’t like that, wether it be because of social media and culture. I also just don’t like being disrespected, or people that are more rigid/mean/”emotionless/stoic/sassy” because it makes me feel like those people will push me around and not respect my own boundaries, because they don’t intend on changing their own attitude.
This is a bit rant-y but It’s because its very uncomfortable for me to talk about. Also It’s hard to find the right subreddit to post to because I don’t think I have any mental illness and I am not entirely sure what is the problem. I’m not sure how I could find other people like me irl other than just taking shots in the dark, but sometimes I get urges to talk to random people but I am paralyzed wether I should do it or not in fear of being judged. I will try to find groups but so far no dice, or im scared that nobody will be my age there.
feel free to ask questions
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